Doing It All Over Again
by TakatoRikku
Summary: Reposted for kicks. Harry somehow travels to another universe and hilarity and harems ensue.
1. Chapter 1

After much debating, I decided to repost this story since I can throw some more stuff into it and make a funny. Hooray!

Chapter 1 

_Blatantly Alternate Universe_

Harry groaned as he floated in consciousness. He felt himself lying on some sort of dirt covered ground and he was sticky and wet. What had happened to him? Cracking an eye open he grumbled and cursed at the sun, who decided to shine super-extra brightly just for him today.

Propping himself up, Harry winced and whimpered as his muscles protested against his movement. They were very stiff and his bones cracked, well, everywhere. Looking blearily around, Harry intelligently deduced that he was outside.

_Brilliant,_ he thought sourly, getting up and dusting himself off. _How in the seven levels of hell did I get out here?_

The last thing Harry remembered was that he was getting ready for the attack on Little Hangleton and then _BAM_; he was out here all of a sudden. Looking around, his heart stopped. There, standing majestically over the Black Lake was Hogwarts, in all her glory. But that wasn't what made Harry's heart stop and his breath hitch.

_How is Hogwarts not a pile of rubble, like it should be!_

Something was wrong, very wrong. Harry knew that this was either a trap of Voldemort's or – well – an apparition or something. He knew Hogwarts was gone, he _knew_ it! He had watched the beautiful castle burn to the ground with his own emerald eyes!

Harry quickly drew his wand and one of his swords, a rapier. He had Godric's sword, but to think in a practical sense, the sword was just too big and cumbersome to use. When he had retrieved it from Dumbledore's office after the old headmaster died, it had somehow reformed itself into another shape, taking that of a long, heavy two handed broadsword. So, it wasn't that hard to see why Harry preferred a rapier.

Looking around warily, Harry quickly and silently crept and leapt into a nearby shrub to conceal himself. Breathing evenly and calmly, Harry released his Occlumency shields ever so slightly so that he could sense Voldemort. If the monster was nearby, his scar would be burning.

There was nothing. Not even a little tickle.

_Well,_ Harry thought, _Can't be a trap or anything. I guess it couldn't hurt to look around…_

Snapping his wrist, Harry's holly wand slithered up to its forearm holster and Harry sheathed his rapier in a fluid motion, letting the handguard make a quiet pinging noise as it connected with the titanium scabbard. The rapier was a gift from Fleur Weasley and her sister Gabrielle. It seemed that they would never forget what he did for the younger Veela. He still couldn't figure out what it was made out of or where they got it.

Harry quickly used the cover of the trees and shadows and made his way around the Black Lake, trying to avoid detection. It was one of the many things Alastor Moody had taught Harry before he died. Harry grimaced. The retired Auror had been ambushed along with Kingsley when they were clearing out headquarters. The Fidelius charm had been deactivated once Dumbledore had died and there was no doubt that Narcissa told her master that right away. Moody had died a hero, being able to fend off over two dozen death eater grunts while he screamed at the Weasleys to evacuate through the Floo fireplace. When the Order returned many days later to see what they could scavenge, they only found his magical eye, spinning about wildly on the kitchen countertop.

"Hey you!" 

The person who had shouted out at Harry was silenced, bound, and frozen before they could even comprehend what was going on. Harry had his wand out, pointed at their forehead as he unsheathed Godric's sword from his back-strapped scabbard. The person was a young girl, maybe fourteen, no older than sixteen.

Harry frowned. She looked awfully familiar, but he couldn't place his finger on it. She had long unruly black hair that fell over her shoulders. Her face was oval in shape, and she had nice features, from her rosy lips to her perky nose. What was so familiar…?

She blinked at him furiously since she couldn't really move due to her restrictions. Harry gasped.

_Her eyes!_

They were emerald green.

_This is some sort of death eater trick,_ Harry thought immediately. _There is no other possible reason, this is a trap!_

"I'm going to take the silencing charm off of you," Harry said quietly, but with an edge to it. "You can scream all you want, but I've cast a muffling charm around the area, so your screams will fall on deaf ears. Actually they'll fall on mine, so I'd rather not lose my hearing thanks. You will not ask questions, only answer mine and any hostile move will get you killed, understand?"

He removed the silencer and the girl glared at him. "I understand," she spat at him. "Who -"

"_Silencio_," Harry said breezily. "_I_ ask the questions, one more out of you and this interrogation is over, and you won't like that." He left the unsaid threat to paw at her mind. He removed the silencer again.

"Are you a death eater?" Harry asked. Stupid question, but he needed to know.

The girl, to his absolute relief, looked positively murderous. "If you think for one moment that _I'm_ a death eater you're mad!" she shrieked. "Besides, I have more reason to suspect _you're_ a death eater! You have me captive!"

"You shouldn't have snuck up on me," Harry said offhandedly. "Next question, where are we?"

She glared at him still. "That's a stupid question," she snapped. "We're at Hogwarts you fool."

"Hogwarts burned to the ground two years ago!" Harry said furiously. "I know, I saw it happen? Where are we?"

"You're mad," the girl muttered, still floating in the air. "Barking."

Harry took the chance to use Legillimency to poke around her minds. Not wanting to hurt the girl, he only searched her surface thoughts to see if she was telling the truth. The results he got were unsavory.

"Thank you doctor, but your opinion doesn't count," Harry said waspishly. "Alright, since I can tell you're not lying then answer me this: Where is Voldemort?"

The girl shrieked at the mention of Tom's fake name. "Don't say _his_ name!" she hissed. "You're mad!"

"Yes, you've established that fact several minutes ago," Harry groaned. This girl was either really thick or had been living under a rock for the past ten years. "Alright then, what's your name?"

"As if I'd tell you!" she said haughtily. "Tell me yours first, oh great kidnapper!"

"I didn't kidnap you," Harry muttered. "How could you not know my name, the entire bloody wizarding world knows my name… It's Harry Potter."

If anything, this only infuriated the girl even more. "LIAR!" she screamed.

Harry was taken aback by the wave of anger she emanated. She must have been _really_ angry to have been able to project her magical energy like that. "Oh shut up girl, if it proves anything, here's that blasted scar," Harry shouted, lifting up his fringe of hair. The girl stopped in mid-fuming as she gaped at his scar. _There we go, finally…_

"That's impossible!" she gasped. "You – you've got the same scar as _Neville Longbottom_! It's fake, it has to be!"

"_Neville Longbottom_!" Harry sputtered. "When the bloody hell did he get a curse scar? Last time I checked, he was murdered by Bellatrix Lestrange!"

The girl's eyes bulged out. "You – you don't – but he's the Boy-Who-Lived!" she gasped out. "You _must_ know!"

"What! I'm the Boy-Who-Lived! What's going on here?" Harry demanded. "I go to sleep getting ready to launch a strike on Voldemort's stronghold and suddenly wake up in the damn Dark Forest where lo and behold, Hogwarts is back out of the blue and why is everything I say shocking to you!"

The girl, who was just raging before, was now suddenly sobbing heavily and her tears soiled her Hogwarts robes, which bore the Gryffindor crest. "You can't be! You can't be!" she moaned over and over again. "Mum and dad said you were dead, you can't be alive!"

Harry furrowed his eyebrows and eloquently asked, "Uh – what?"

"You said you were Harry Potter right?" she cried. "You can't be him, Harry Potter died fifteen years ago when You-Know-Who attacked our home!"

Harry was speechless. She was still telling the truth. The girl was still talking.

"And then You-Know-Who attacked the Longbottoms, but they survived and Neville Longbottom defeated him!"

_Unreal_… Harry thought, mind reeling. "What is the date?" he demanded.

"It's – it's September fourteenth, 1995," she said, her voice wavering.

Harry was alarmed. "It can't be!" he sputtered. "It's supposed to be 1999! I know it was!"

"Maybe – maybe you traveled through time?" the girl asked hesitantly. "I – I mean we have Time-Turners and all that so -"

"Impossible," Harry interjected. "Time turners can go no further than three days back in time and I know for a fact that in my time I defeated Voldemort, not Neville. This is – this is totally messed up."

_I must have somehow traveled to another dimension or universe_, Harry deduced. _Well, why not, stranger things have happened in the wizarding world, Luna Lovegood for instance… _

"Can – can you let me go?" the girl asked timidly. Harry waved his wand absentmindedly and she floated down to the floor. She sat down heavily with her legs splayed out to the sides and stared at him. Not knowing what to do, Harry just stared back.

"You do look at lot like them," the girl pronounced out of the blue.

Harry was intrigued. "Like who?" he asked.

The girl looked scandalized. "Mum and dad!" she said tartly. "Don't tell me you never thought about that?"

"'Mum and dad?'" Harry repeated dumbly. "You mean they're a – alive?"

The girl looked at him as if he were stupid. "Of course you sod!" she exclaimed. "Why wouldn't they be?"

"Because in my – well – universe they were dead," Harry said flatly. The girl wisely shut her mouth. "So you said our mum and dad right?" he said quickly. "Does that make you my sister of some sort?"

The girl nodded uncertainly. "I suppose so," she said. She shyly stuck out her hand. "I'm Naria Sarah Potter!" she said brightly. "And of course you're big brother Harry," she continued as they shook hands. "Or would have been," she added.

"Would have been," Harry said wistfully. "That's right, I died here…"

"Mum and dad were so sad for a long time when Professor Dumbledore told them that you had been murdered," 'Naria' said sadly. "Peter was sent to Azkaban for betraying our family and it took mum and dad a long time to get over your death. And then they had – well – me!"

"Pettigrew's in Azkaban eh?" Harry mused. "That's too good for the likes of him, I killed him personally a few years ago."

"You _killed_?" Naria gasped.

Harry gave her a pointed look. "We were at war," he simply said. Naria shut her mouth wisely.

"That's awful," she said quietly. "You-Know-Who's back in this world you know, he came back last year when -"

"Lemme guess, Triwizard Tournament, Neville had his name put in by Mad-Eye, who was really a death eater, third task had the cup as a portkey and Voldemort used Neville's blood to resurrect himself?" Harry asked.

Naria stared at him speechlessly. "How?" she managed to choke out.

"Same thing happened to me in my fourth year," Harry told her. "That was like four years ago…"

"Neville is still so upset over Cho Chang's death," Naria whispered. "So is Cedric, they were dating you know. Neville feels that it's his fault that he told Cho to take the cup with him."

Harry whirled around from his pacing. "Cho Chang?" he gasped. "Wow this really is another world!" Seeing Naria's questioning gaze he quickly explained, "You see, in my world it was Cedric who was in the tournament, not Cho and they were also dating."

"Neville fancied Cho," Naria said. "But now that he thinks he got her killed, he's totally sank into depression."

"Neville here sounds a lot like I was when I was younger," Harry said thoughtfully. "Listen, I'm sorry for hexing you like that but I'm really paranoid and all."

"That's ok!" Naria said cheerfully. "I'll let it pass since you're my big brother and all!" She flashed him a cheeky smile.

"Yeah, big brother," Harry said quietly. "Listen, I've got to go and I'm pretty sure you have classes or something so -"

"You're not leaving are you?" Naria asked wildly, clutching his arm tightly. "But you've _got_ to meet everyone! Mum and dad -"

"Will probably think I'm a death eater in disguise, like everyone else would," Harry interrupted gently. "No I think right now I should lay low for a while, figure out my next move."

"But – but you can't leave," Naria said quietly, her eyes threatening to tear up. "I'm your sister, you can't leave me!"

"Technically I'm not since I'm not even from this universe," Harry corrected. He then realized that while Naria didn't inherit her mother's red hair, she still received the temper that it came with.

"I DON'T THINK SO!"she hollered. "YOU ARE COMING WITH ME HARRY JAMES POTTER AND THAT IS FINAL!"

Harry gulped. Naria's green eyes were flashing dangerously and her grip on his arm was awfully tight. "Y – yes sister," he muttered.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

_Exposure_

"So Cho was a seventh year and Cedric is a fifth?" Harry asked as Naria dragged him towards Hogwarts with his arm in her vice grip.

She nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, it's like the exact opposite here," she said.

Harry scratched his head. "I don't get it then," he said, confused. "If Cedric is a fifth year, then who does Neville fancy? Back in my world I fancied Cho."

Naria suddenly blushed beet red at his statement. "Um – er – ah – I have no idea," she stammered, flushing furiously. Harry caught the look on her face and grinned lopsidedly.

"Oh-ho!" he jeered, jabbing his other-worldly sister in the side. "What's this? The-Boy-Who-Lived fancies _my_ little sister?"

"Sod off Harry!" she shrieked, slapping his hand away. "It's not my fault he fancies me!"

"But you certainly don't mind, do you?" Harry leered. He grinned, this time sincerely. "If he's anything like you said he is, then good for you!"

"I don't know whether to thank or smack you," Naria muttered, still redder than an apple. "Come on, we're almost there!"

"Hold on, what are we going to say?" Harry asked suddenly. He feared that he would be captured by Aurors or the Ministry and held for testing, or worse, _probing_. "We can't just waltz in there and say 'hey look, it's Harry Potter, except from another universe!'"

Naria nodded thoughtfully. "You're right," she admitted. Her face lit up. "I know!" she exclaimed excitedly. "We could just say that you're _this _universe's Harry Potter!"

"How would that work?" Harry asked incredulously. "I'm dead here, remember?"

"Yes but your death was made official a week after the attack on our home," Naria said patiently. "You see, when He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named attacked our home, we found no trace of you afterwards. At first we thought he had kidnapped you, but then the Aurors decided that you were vaporized."

Harry stared at her. "Vaporized?" he spluttered. "Then how do you know if the me _here_ is _really_ dead?"

"Trust me, he's dead," Naria muttered, rolling her eyes. "One of Dumbledore's spies went with You-Know-Who on that night and confirmed it to mum and dad. Of course it was Dumbledore that told them, dad probably would've skinned the spy for not doing anything."

_Snape_! Harry growled in his mind. "No doubt," he growled out loud. "I'd have done the same thing. Alright so that's my story then?"

Naria nodded her head happily. "Just say that – umm – you woke up somewhere far away and didn't remember anything?"

Harry agreed with her. "And then I was found by a wizarding family somewhere in London and was raised there without any of us knowing my true identity," he continued. "I then traveled the world, trying to find out who I really was until I happened to find an old copy of the _Daily Prophet_, thus finding out about my family and so on, and so forth," he drawled.

"They should fall for it," Naria said.

"Dumbledore should," Harry said thoughtfully. "Knowing him, if he reads my mind he'll know that I actually _did_ travel the world, although for a different purpose."

Harry reflected back on his Horcrux hunt. It had spanned over all of Europe, with Harry and his two best friends working feverishly to find every Horcrux that Voldemort had created. Sadly, Ron was the first to die, having sacrificed himself to one of the traps that protected Ravenclaw's scrolls. Ron's death gave Harry and a distraught Hermione enough time to evade the trap and get the horcrux. It wasn't until two months later when Hermione was taken from Harry as well, dying shortly after destroying Gryffindor's knocker. Harry held the girl in his arms as she smiled tearfully up at him. She told him not to worry about her, and that she would be watching over Harry along with Ron, Sirius and his parents. 

It was after Hermione's death that Harry found the strength to keep going on and find the remaining horcruxes. Hufflepuff's cup was found at Riddle Manor and the subsequent destruction of the last two horcruxes were swift and cold. It was when Harry was about to sleep before the attack that this had all happened. Hopefully, he could get access to Hogwarts' library in hopes to scour the books for an explanation as to how he got here. Having missed his entire seventh year of education, Harry was still ignorant of many wizarding things.

"We're here!" Naria sang cheerfully, dragging Harry towards the Entrance Hall. There were some students out and they watched curiously as Naria Potter dragged a very handsome young man with wild hair after her. 

"Hold on a second!" Harry hissed. Taking his wand out, he cast a glamour charm on his scar. It was one that Ginny had taught him, although it was technically a make-up charm. The charm basically applied foundation to the area cast upon and covered up any blemishes. Harry – after learning it – hit himself over the head repeatedly for not finding out about the second year cosmetics charm. Ginny, of course, laughed at him.

Next, he used _Evanesco_ to banish his swords away. The charm was particularly useful if one knew how to re-summon the swords. Harry had developed a combination of the Summoning charm and apparition to re-summon the swords. When banished, they would automatically be sent to his storage room at Grimmauld Place, and when re-summoned, the new charm would apparate them to where they were last on his body. It was very useful for when Harry needed to ditch weight quickly.

Of course it wasn't until Christmas time when Harry figured out that Gryffindor's sword could be called and banished at will, since it was a magical weapon. At Harry's whim, it would appear and disappear with a sparkling flash, much like how it did in the Chamber of Secrets.

"Good idea," Naria said. "Come on!"

She brought him into the Great Hall where dinner was still going full force. Harry tried very hard not to choke as he saw many people who were long dead in his world. There was Hagrid… Flitwick, Sprout, and to his shock, he saw Ron, Hermione and Ginny all staring at him curiously.

He stifled a sob as he saw Dumbledore at the head table, looking at him with a twinkle in his eye.

"Miss Potter, who do you have there?" he asked brightly, but Harry could detect the underlying suspicion.

Naria just pulled Harry towards the head table. "I found him!" she cried happily.

"Found who my dear?" Dumbledore asked curiously, peering down at Harry. "Have we met?" he asked with a confused look. "Do I know you?"

Harry tried hard not to burst right there and then. "I know of you," he said. "I don't really know you."

"I see," Dumbledore said, the twinkle in his eyes – how Harry missed that twinkle – back in full force. "What is your name young man?"

Harry hesitated.

Naria saw this and rolled her eyes. "Oh for Merlin's sake!" she shouted. "It's Harry! My brother!"

The resulting reactions were quite hilarious, once Harry pulled himself together. McGonagall fainted dead straight away, Hagrid choked on his drink and Flitwick fell off of his high chair. Dumbledore looked shocked – which was a rare thing for him – and everyone in the Great Hall just erupted into chatter.

"SILENCE!" Dumbledore cried. He swooped down to the Potters. "Is this true?" he demanded.

Harry gulped. "Uh – yes?" he said. "I'm as confused as you are."

"He's obviously a liar," a sneering voice spat. Harry turned around and saw Snape to his absolute fury. "Although he does look like that fool Potter," he hissed. "He's missing that arrogant pompousness however and -"

Harry had had enough at that point – and so had Naria – and in a flash, he was in front of the greasy professor. He mentally called for Gryffindor's sword and with a bright flash, it appeared in his right hand. To Harry's disbelief, however, he felt a heavy weight in his left hand and saw that an exact copy of the sword in it!

_It must be this universe's sword of Gryffindor_, Harry thought in amazement. _Wicked_!

Without giving the Potions Master a chance to draw his wand, Harry had both swords at the man's neck in an X cross. Snape couldn't even gulp unless he wanted his Adam's apple to be sliced.

"Never," Harry hissed coldly, "Speak of my father like that again!"

Snape nearly wet himself seeing the cold fury in Harry's eyes. His normally emerald green irises had suddenly melted into the coldest forest green and there was no emotion except for raw seething hatred in Harry's eyes.

"Mr. Potter!" Dumbledore cried, running up to the pair. "Please, put your – great Merlin!" he gasped, seeing exactly what swords Harry carried. "Where did you…?"

"Family heirloom," Harry said quietly. It took a lot of self control to draw the twin swords back and _not_ decapitate his old professor. "Heed my warning," Harry spat venomously to Snape, who – if possible – shivered.

The Great Hall was deadly silent as they watched the exchange. Ron Weasley – of course – was rooting for the guy who nearly lopped the Greasy Git's head off.

"I have no doubt in my mind that you are indeed James' son," Dumbledore said with a nervous chuckle. "You possess the same fierce pride and dedication to your family. Nonetheless, could you – ah – put those swords away?"

Harry took a few deep calming breaths and willed both swords away. They were starting to feel heavy in his hands and he didn't fancy walking around with two ten kilo swords. Yeah, they were _that_ big.

"Sorry about that," Harry muttered. "As you can see, I have problems with people like that."

"You are not a student of Hogwarts so I cannot discipline you," Dumbledore said with an all-too-familiar glint of humor in his eyes. "However your appearance – although greatly welcomed – brings up many questions. May we converse up in my office after the feast?"

"Of course," Harry said politely. Already he was warming up to this universe's Dumbledore. He was even more understanding than the one in his universe. "I'll tell you all I can."

"Would you like your parents to attend as well?" Dumbledore asked. Harry froze.

Naria caught her brother's look and quickly answered, "Yes headmaster, he might be very shocked to see them you know…"

"I daresay both parties should rightly be shocked as much as I am," Dumbledore said. He happened to look around the Great Hall, which was totally devoid of students. "Oh dear, it looks as if we can have that meeting now! Come, come!"

Ten minutes later found Harry sitting next to Naria as he crushed her hand within his. His parents were going to be here! Alive! 

"Harry, it'll be fine!" Naria said as she winced. "But could you _let go of my hand_?"

Harry jerked and released her hand, which was red and she rubbed it with another wince. "Oh god, sorry!"

"It's fine," she muttered. "Just stop freaking out.

"It's been almost eighteen years since I've been with my parents," Harry said. "How would you feel?"

"Eighteen, you say?" came Dumbledore's voice. Harry and Naria spun around as he entered the room. "I was under the pretense that you were sixteen?"

Harry chuckled nervously and made a cover story up quick. "Tell not a soul outside of this room, but I messed around with a Time-Turner," he said.

Dumbledore frowned and Harry tensed up. Then the old man conjured up a Q-tip and began to clean his ears. "I believe I've gone temporarily deaf," he said cheerfully. "Ah, that's better."

Harry suppressed a wide grin. Yep, still the same old crazy goat.

"James and Lily will be most surprised to see that their son is much older than he should be," Dumbledore warned. "I shall try to smooth it over with them. However, before I go to the Floo, may I ask why you had an illegal Time-Turner?"

Harry shrugged. "I needed time to train," he said, slamming his Occlumency shields to full force and projecting fake thoughts. Thankfully, Dumbledore accepted his answer as the truth.

"Training for what?" he asked.

Harry's eyes hardened. "For revenge on the man who ruined my life," he said softly.

He continued to sit there and brood and Dumbledore headed over to the fireplace a few minutes later.

"Godric's Hollow!" he cried, throwing the Floo powder in. The fireplace flared green and he stuck his head in and waited. Soon enough, he heard the soft, telltale footsteps of Lily Potter and was soon greeted with her face. 

"Hello Albus, how are you?" she asked with a smile.

"Oh I am most excellent," he replied. "Is James home?"

She quirked an eyebrow at the old man. "Yes, is there something wrong?" she asked. She then narrowed her eyes. "Has Naria set off another prank? I swear to Merlin Albus, she gets it from her father!"

Harry raised an eyebrow at his little sister and she had the decency to act guilty. Keyword: act.

Dumbledore chuckled. "Alas, we haven't been graced with young Naria's mischief yet," he told Lily, who sighed. "However, I have most important news and I need you both to come here immediately. It is of the utmost importance to your family."

Lily nodded tersely. "I'll just go get that dunderhead I call a husband and be there soon!" she told the headmaster. "Leave the connection open!"

About ten minutes later, two figures popped out of the fireplace and Harry nearly had a heart attack. He forced himself to calm down and breathe slowly as his parents cleaned themselves off. 

"So what's up Albus?" James asked. "Is it really important, because I've got to get to work soon? You know Amelia and her 'Auror this' and 'protect that'."

Dumbledore smiled. "I have already called Madam Bones in advance and she will not need your services today James," he said. "Come, sit down."

James frowned, but followed his wife and sat down next to his daughter and a young man who looked curiously familiar. James frowned as he looked at him and the man blushed under the scrutiny and looked away.

"James!" Lily hissed. "Don't be so rude! So what's up?" she asked Dumbledore.

Dumbledore smiled. "Lemon Drop?" he asked. Naria took a few. "Wonderful. Well, allow me to begin from the – well – beginning. It was dinnertime here at Hogwarts and I was enjoying my plate of pork chops and lettuce when all of a sudden young Miss Potter here barges into the Great Hall, dragging an unknown man with her."

"Naria!" Lily admonished. "What if he was a death eater?"

Harry snorted. "She thought that too," he told his mother with as straight a face as he could. Her eyes were exactly the same as his!

Lily glared at him before turning back to Dumbledore.

"As I was saying, she brought this young man in and of course we were suspicious," Dumbledore continued. "However, instead of being a death eater, we were shocked to discover that he was someone though to be dead nearly fifteen years ago."

"Who?" James asked eagerly and his daughter rolled her eyes.

"This may be very hard for you two to take in but…" Dumbledore glanced at Harry. "This is your son, Harry."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_Moving In_

Lily fainted dead on the spot and James started to sputter.

"But- but…" he choked. "He said – _you_ said!"

Dumbledore sighed. "I am as perplexed as you are James," he sighed. "Perhaps if you would awaken your wife then Harry could tell us his story?"

James pointed his wand at Lily. "_Ennerverate_!" he said and she woke up with a start. Spotting Harry, she threw herself at him and hugged him tightly, sobbing.

"Is it true?" she cried. "Is he really my baby?"

"That's what we're going to find out," Dumbledore said. He turned to Harry. "Harry, if you would?"

Harry thought quickly. How much did he really want to tell these people? He wanted to burst out, to tell them the truth, but what if they forced him away, threw him aside because he wasn't their real son? In that split moment, Harry decided to just stick with the story he and Naria had created. It was good enough that she knew the truth, and Harry could live with that for now.

"Well, I can't really remember much about what happened when Voldemort attacked," he said cautiously, improvising on the fly. "But from what I've been told, I was found by an old married couple named -" here, Harry tried to think of something "- Pherson. Jack and his wife Mary -" _here,_ Harry mentally groaned at the lame names he made up "- raised me until they both died in their eighties. I was about seven at the time and in their will it was written that I would be sent to their cousin Wilfred in Italy. I lived with him for about two years, working on his farm when I happened to run into a wizarding family. They saw me performing accidental magic and came over one night, explaining to me and Will what I was."

Here, Harry took a break and drank some of the tea Dumbledore prepared. His totally fake story was coming along fine so far. He took a deep breath and continued. "After that I would occasionally stay with the family, who were named the Milyagos and learned magic with them." Harry looked around. "They were killed in a car accident when I was ten." He made a sad face and tried to remember all of the deaths he had seen in the war. His silent audience didn't doubt him for a minute as some tears fell and the look in his eyes convinced everyone. Lily clutched him a bit harder.

"After that, I decided that I had to go on. I had saved up all the money I could and left Italy after that, traveling the world and learning magic," Harry said with a wistful smile. "I was like a human black hole, sucking up everything I could."

This was completely true. Harry had been forced by Hermione in their early hunt to study as much battle magic as he could. Harry, having enough incentive – the death of Voldemort of course – took her advice to heart and studied more in the eight months of traveling than his six years at Hogwarts.

"He's _my_ son alright!" Lily said proudly while James gagged.

Harry allowed a small smile to flitter across his handsome features. "Anyways, I've traveled most of Europe, learning many things from many people along the way. I've even been to the United States for a short period of time and learned their combat magic. I've also been to China and Japan and learned martial arts as well as weapons training. It was – er – in Germany that I got a Time-Turner," he said sheepishly to Dumbledore.

It was as close as to the truth as possible, Germany was completely seedy and Harry was certain that a Time-Turner was the least he could get there.

His parents – god how good that sounded – looked at him in surprise.

Dumbledore cleared his throat. "That would explain Harry's much older state," he told Harry's flummoxed parents. "Harry is actually near eighteen years old, not sixteen."

James stared at his son incredulously. "I'm an Auror you know," he told Harry sternly. Harry started to sweat under his father's glare. Then James lightened up and beamed at him. "But bugger me if my son got his hands on a Time-Turner when the Marauders never could!"

"The world would end if that happened," Lily said sharply, elbowing her husband.

Harry smiled at the playful banter between the two. Their relationship was exactly as how he pictured it to be: loving and carefree. Harry felt positively happy as he watched his parents bicker like children and he hoped that one day he could have a relationship like that as well.

"So what happened after that?" Naria asked innocently. Harry gulped. She was a _very_ good actress.

"Well, not much," Harry admitted. "I was just training day after day from then on and then I happened to find an old copy of England's _Daily Prophet_ lying around in a Iceland library archive and read about what had happened. I packed my things up as fast as I could – which isn't saying much because I don't have anything – and came here as quickly as I could, and then Naria found me and here we are."

Everyone sat in contemplative silence as they absorbed Harry's very believable story. Finally, Dumbledore sat up and smiled at the Potters. 

"Well, that is quite an amazing life you've had!" he said happily. "I for one, am very happy to see you reunited with your family and even happier that you are alive."

"I still can't believe it!" Lily moaned as she still clutched onto Harry, who awkwardly patted her on the head. "My baby boy!"

"I'm eighteen!" Harry said exasperatedly.

"My baby!"

James stood up and strode over to Harry and his mother. Looking hard at the man who claimed to be his son, James debated whether or not this was still a death eater trick. Seeing nothing but honesty – well, some of it – and emotion in Harry's eyes, James knew it was the truth and he smiled widely as tears came to his eyes. He held his arms out to Harry and nervously said, "Welcome back… son?"

Harry stood up awkwardly and slowly fell into his father's embrace. "Thanks… dad?" he asked. Both men looked at eachother and laughed, the ice broken.

"I can't believe it!" James said excitedly as he pounded his son on his back. "Do you like to fly? Do you like Quiddich? I love Quiddich! Do you play Quiddich, and what position? Who's your favorite -"

"JAMES!" Lily shouted. "Your son has returned after fifteen years and all you can ask him about is _Quiddich_!"

James looked at his wife in disbelief. "But Lily-flower!" he protested. "It's Quiddich!"

She glared at him murderously before he finally backed off and she stepped up to Harry, who was nearly a head taller than his petite mother. She began to fuss with his full length jacket and played with his collar. Harry didn't mind, he loved having his mother fuss over him, it made him feel like he was loved.

"Look at you, dressed like one of those action heroes from muggle movies!" she scolded playfully. "You do look handsome though, much like your father! But you have my eyes, and nose," she added with a smile.

Harry smiled warmly back at his mother. No one had ever told him that he had Lily's nose. It was usually her eyes. It made him feel proud that he had more of his mother inside of him.

"Aye and your teeth as well love," James said, wrapping his arms around her. "Only your son would have straight and white teeth like yours."

"Muggle dentists are much better than magic!" was all she said.

Naria had finally wormed her way through her parents' arms. "So what can you do?" she asked. "Other than the whole sword thing."

Harry felt everyone's eyes on him. "Uh, well magically I can cast almost every battle and combat magic there is," he said. Everyone gasped.

"That's incredible!" James sputtered. "I'm an Auror and I don't even know more than ten battle spells!"

Harry chuckled nervously, thanking Hermione from the bottom of his heart. "Yeah well I – er – also know how to cast soundlessly and without wand movement," he said as they gasped again. "And – um – how to cast spells without my opponents knowing if they read my mind."

"You know Occlumency?" Dumbledore asked with a hint of pride.

Harry nodded. "And Legillimency. I know they're mostly used for mental protection but they're almost invaluable in combat situations."

"Indeed," Dumbledore said. "I find that shielding your mind gives you a great advantage in a fight since it will also calm you down as well. Have you tried Nicholas Flamel's method of -"

"ANYways," Naria interrupted. "What else?"

Dumbledore turned a bit pink in the cheeks as he realized he almost dragged Harry into a debate.

Harry ran his hands through his hair. "You already know about the martial arts and weapons training," he said, running through the things in his mind. He felt that he didn't need to hide anything from his family about his talents, and who knows, maybe they could help him. "I'm also very competent with fighting most dark creatures."

"Such as?" Lily prodded.

Harry chuckled, his memories flowing. "I've tangoed with werewolves, vampires, death eaters, giants, Dementors, centaurs, dragons, sphinxes, Blast-Ended Skrewts, Acromantulas and –uh – Voldemort a few times."

"Voldemort!" his mother shrieked, completely forgetting the ones before him. "You fought Voldemort!"

Everyone was staring at him. Harry started to regret saying that. _Stupid! _he thought to himself.Uh, yeah I ran into him once in Yorkshire, someplace called Little Hangleton and a few other places randomly in Europe."

"So it appears that Tom is already on the move," Dumbledore said tersely. "And young Harry here has fought him more than twice and lived to tell the tale. You are either very lucky or very talented Mr. Potter."

"I'd like to think both," Harry quipped.

"Enough about this depressing talk!" James said brightly. "Now what are we going to do?"

"It will be the weekend tomorrow," Dumbledore said thoughtfully. "I will go to the Ministry and report that Harry Potter is indeed alive and well. Your death certificate will be pulled from the records and I'll be sure to smooth things over such as your whereabouts and age to Minister Fudge."

"Thank you," Harry said in gratitude.

"We'll take him home then!" Lily squealed, much to the men's damaged ear drums. "Oh, we can finally renovate your room, and buy you clothes and bedsheets and furniture… goodness I've got seventeen years of presents to make up for!"

"Slow down mum!" Naria laughed. "I think Harry will be suffocated if you keep it up!"

"It's ok, I rather like the attention," Harry said with a small smile.

Lily threw herself on him again. "Oh my poor baby, you never knew much affection did you?" she cried.

"I've had girlfriends," he admitted sheepishly.

James' ears perked up like a cats. "Really?" he grinned. "Who did my son go out with?"

Harry couldn't really mention a dead girl or someone he had never met before. "Uh, a Chinese girl who was a human hosepipe and a redhead," he vaguely answered.

James' smile grew even wider. "A redhead eh?" he asked with a huge grin. "You know, we Potter men -"

"Finish that sentence and I'll make sure that Harry will be the only Potter man left to procreate!" Lily threatened, brandishing her wand. James gulped and snapped his mouth shut.

"Well, why don't you get Harry here situated at your lovely home then?" Dumbledore interrupted with a twinkle and chuckle. "I daresay he will enjoy living with his family?"

Lily completely forgot about her terrified husband and started to drag her son towards the fireplace. "Oh you're going to love it at Godric's Hollow, there's a garden and a nice pond in the back and – Oh! Plenty of trees and animals to play with, all the deer love James for some reason and we've got a cute puppy – well two if you count that idiot Sirius…"

Harry's grin threatened to break his face as he couldn't have been happier. _Sirius is alive!_ Harry cheered mentally. _This is just wicked!_

"Lily could you bring Harry back here tomorrow at lunch?" Dumbledore asked as they prepared to leave. Harry bent over to hug Naria goodbye since she had to stay at Hogwarts. "I would like him to take his OWLs if he doesn't mind."

"I can take me NEWTs if you want," Harry offered.

"Jolly good."

Harry tumbled ungracefully out of the fireplace as his parents came right after him. He stood up and looked around at his childhood home. It looked like – well – a normal house, if not a bit bigger than average. It looked completely opposite to the Dursley household. There were a few Quiddich and _Teen Witch Weekly _magazines lying around the floor near the sofas. He guessed that the girly magazines were Naria's. The living room looked messy, but not too messy and _lived in_. A quick tour around the house showed the same in the other rooms. Godric's Hollow was – in Harry's opinion – a warm and cozy home to live in. 

Lily dragged Harry along – it must have been a Potter women thing – upstairs to his room and with a flourish, threw open the door. Harry was introduced to a rather bare room that was much bigger than even Vernon's room at Number Four. There wasn't anything in there really, just an old crib which he surmised to be his and some blankets and a dresser.

"We'll go out and buy you some new things after we've had dinner!" Lily said cheerfully. "You'll need a new bed, and sheets and plenty of clothes! Goodness, I hope you don't intend to dress like a muggle secret agent for the rest of your life!" she joked, tugging at his jacket.

Harry laughed. "I suppose not," he said, fondly straightening his jacket out. It was a Christmas present from Remus, who had finally started to live a comfortable life with the inheritance that he received from Sirius and, of course, Tonks. Harry had been given a copy of the will and nearly died laughing when Sirius had written, _And to Remus John Lupin I bequeath precisely one-quarter of my belongings and one Nymphadora Tonks. Come on Moony, you know you waaaaaaaaaant her. _

Dinner was a quick and noisy affair and Harry found out that he had received his cooking talent from his mother – of course. Afterwards, James kissed his wife on the cheek and his son on the forehead as he headed off to work as an Auror. Lily then took Harry out around Wales to see the sights and shop for new everything. Harry had a wonderful time shopping with his mother and it was only because he loved her to bits that he allowed her to make him model all of his outfits at the stores.

Suffice to say, Harry drew a lot of female attention when he did that.

He suspected that his mother had planned that all along.

When they arrived back home, they unshrunk their packages and Harry put his furniture together and set up his bed. Lily had bought him a nice double-size bed that was plain and simple, just how he liked it. For once, Harry didn't have a four poster bed to sleep in and he would enjoy the fresh air that the drapes would have restricted. Harry also bought two dressers that he kept in his room and another two large wardrobes that he put in his walk-in closet. He also had a mahogany desk with a mirror – not enchanted thank god. Lily had gone mental and taken him to literally _every_ men's clothing store in the city and bought him enough outfits to last ten years – ten years if he wore each outfit a day.

She also bought him wizarding things as well, including a cauldron and potions set – Harry wanted to be able to brew healing potions in case he got into scrapes -, loads of books, a Firebolt (although Harry paid for that with what little money he had left, since his old Firebolt didn't come with him), a broom cleaning kit and several robes and dress robes.

It was a tired and eternally happy Harry that flopped onto his new bed that night. Curling under the new clean white sheets, Harry let out a blissful sigh as he remembered his day. His family was truly wonderful. Harry heard a whimper and reached over the side of his bed. An excited yip was heard and Harry hefted the family's dog - a tiny little Yorkshire terrier/poodle cross named Arthur (or Yorkie-Poo if you were Naria) - onto the bed, where the tiny dog licked his face and promptly went to bed at the foot of his bed. Yes, life was much better here.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 

_Back to Hogwarts_

"Harry darling, it's time to get up!" Harry's mother's voice drifted through the door. Harry awoke, stretching in his bed as he woke up from what had probably been the best sleep in his life. "You're taking your NEWTs today, remember!"

"Bloody NEWTs," Harry muttered. However, he was pretty sure he could get a respectable amount. "Probably eight at least," he said to himself. "Defense for sure."

Harry quickly showered and dressed for the day. He decided to wear a polo sweater/shirt with a high turtleneck and no sleeves. It was a navy blue and made out of finely woven material. It fit Harry's muscular torso like a glove. Harry then put on a baggy pair of black jeans and his trusty Doc Martins. Reaching into his desk drawer, he withdrew the fake Slytherin locket and put it around his neck. The heavy locket with the serpentine _S_ rested on his toned chest. Next, Harry put his muggle contact lenses in. Sometime during their travel, Hermione had told him that wearing contacts would be more helpful than his glasses, which were constantly falling off. She also told him – with a severe blush – that his eyes looked _simply beautiful_ without glasses.

After checking to make sure his appearance was ok, Harry finally went downstairs for breakfast. The Potter home – while large – was easy to navigate since there weren't too many rooms. In fact, there were only five bedrooms. His mother had told him that she and James weren't expecting too many children and that five big rooms were much better than ten cramped ones. He wholeheartedly agreed.

Breakfast with his mother was a delightful affair, with both Potters asking eachother questions about their lives and hugs were frequent with the Potter matriarch. Harry found out that Lily was an Ancient Runes buff and she worked for the Ministry, but at home since it was easier for her. She would sometimes be carted off to places around the globe as she translated and recorded many of the famous runes and historical documents that were taught at Hogwarts. Harry was very impressed with his mother, it seemed that both of his parents were great in their careers. 

"So, are you nervous about your NEWTs?" she asked him while she spread marmalade on her toast.

"Well, a little bit," Harry admitted. "I'm not sure how I'll do in some subjects like Astronomy and Transfiguration, but I'm pretty confident about Defense and Charms."

Lily nodded knowingly. "Defense and Charms include combat magic," she said in understanding. "Of course you'd be familiar with those. Don't worry about the Charms NEWT, it's easy!"

She smiled lovingly at him and Harry's heart soared. "Thanks mum," he said and she beamed at him. It seemed that she was even more overjoyed with Harry whenever he called her that. To Harry, it made him feel great calling his mother just that.

"Alright then!" she said, clearing the table. "It's time for you to go!"

"You're not coming?" Harry asked.

She laughed and put her hand to her breast. "Who me?" she giggled. "Sorry sweetheart, but I've got work to do at the ministry."

"Oh yeah," Harry said stupidly. "I forgot about that."

She gave him a strong hug. "Don't you worry your handsome head off!" she chided. "I'll be home at around five, feel free to do whatever you want darling."

"Ok mum, have a good day at work!" Harry said, giving her another squeeze. Lily give him a peck on his check and with another wave, she apparated. Harry grinned goofily and prepared to apparate to Hogsmeade.

Once there, Harry appeared in front of the Three Broomsticks. Deciding to bring Naria a Butterbeer, he stepped inside and was greeted by Madam Rosemerta. It looked like she didn't get much business other than her usuals when it wasn't a Hogsmeade visit. 

"You must be Harry Potter!" she said excitedly as she brought him to a clean table. "Good Merlin you look like a perfect mix of your parents! Such a handsome boy…"

Harry grinned at her. "Thank you very much Rosemerta," he said in his charming voice. Going out with Ginny had boosted his confidence around the fairer sex. "Can I have two Butterbeers to go please? I've got NEWTs to write!"

"Here you go sweets," she said fondly, levitating two Butterbeers to them. "You have a good day and good luck on your exams!" she told him as he handed her a Galleon (AN: In OotP a Butterbeer costs 2 sickles).

"Keep the change Rosie, may I call you Rosie?" Harry asked.

She flushed to his delight and waved him off. "Oh, such a charmer like your father!" she beamed. "Thank you dearie, you go off to Hogwarts now, shoo!"

Harry drank his Butterbeer as he walked up the path to Hogwarts. It was lunchtime now and he hoped that he would make it in time to give his little sister her present.

Harry made it to Hogwarts and quickly entered the Great Hall, where it was buzzing with noise as the students ate hungrily between their classes. Many people turned to look at the long lost Potter but soon lost interest when he wasn't going to spike Snape again. Well, the males lost interest, many of the older girls were staring at Harry as if he were the son of Aphrodite and Adonis himself.

Harry continued walking, but not before giving some giggly Ravenclaws a lopsided grin, which he knew girls liked. "Hey," he said and they giggled madly and went red as they whispered furiously to eachother.

He stopped by the Gryffindor table, where all of his former friends sat with his sister. Naria shrieked happily when she saw him – or maybe the Butterbeer, he didn't know for sure – and ran over to hug him. "Got you a gift," he said, giving her the drink.

"Thanks!" she said, opening it immediately. "Come and sit with us!"

Harry was dragged over to the table and was plopped down beside Neville. Harry took in the younger boy's features. Neville was hardly the pudgy boy he had known in his universe, and this one's face shone with determination and strength. Neville was very fit, unlike Harry was but he surmised that the boy had been raised by his grandmother, who probably wasn't abusive like the Dursleys. In fact, Neville looked much stronger than Harry did when he was younger.

"Nice to meet you," Harry said, holding out his hand.

Neville shook it with a smile. "Hi Mr. Potter, I'm Neville Longbottom," he said with confidence that his alter-self didn't have until later in his life.

Harry laughed. "There'll be no Mr.'s, sirs or milords," he told the boy who grinned. "Just Harry."

It struck Harry just then when he said that. _Just Harry, I really am just Harry here!_ he thought. _I'm not the Boy-Who-Lived here, I'm nobody! Oh man this is great!_

"_I'm_ Hermione Granger," Hermione said, sticking her hand out. "Pleased to meet you Harry, I was told that you were dead."

Harry blinked. "That was blunt," he said as Naria laughed. "My death has been greatly exaggerated," he told the girl. The Hermione here looked exactly like the one he knew.

"Ron Weasley," Ron said. Ron was the one who surprised Harry the most. He wasn't tall and gangly – ok he was tall, but built like a Quiddich player and slightly muscular. He wasn't as athletically muscular like Harry was, but rather lean and very fit. He also looked much sharper and brighter than his Ron.

"Hey Ron," Harry said happily. "Nice to meet you all."

"This is Ginny," Naria said, pushing a younger Ginny up, who blushed furiously when she saw Harry. He raised his eyebrow.

_I guess she really didn't like me as the Boy-Who-Lived_, he thought wryly. _Ten points to you Ginny_. "Hi!" he said, shaking her hand.

Ginny finally fought her blush down. "Hi, you don't look Ron's age?" she asked.

Harry grinned. "I'm actually almost eighteen," he said. "Long story."

They accepted this without reason and Harry chatted with them for a few minutes before Dumbledore strolled up.

"Hello Harry," he said warmly as the young man mingled with his favorite students. Of course, Dumbledore never favored some students above the others. "Are you ready for your NEWTs?"

Harry said goodbye to his sister and her friends – he was much too different now to call them his friends, and older too – and stood up. "Yup," he said. "Bring them on!"

It was nearly seven in the afternoon when Harry finally completed his last exam. He had taken Defense, Transfiguration, Advanced Potions, Charms, Ancient Runes, Arithmacy (Hermione), Astronomy (Hermione again), Divination (it was easy!), History of Magic (Hermione had drilled it into him to his surprise) and finally Muggle Studies since it was a no-brainer to him. 

Dumbledore had come up with his marks about an hour later and Harry was surprised to see that he had passed every exam. He had received an O in Defense, Charms and Potions. The subjects that he received an E in were Transfiguration, Muggle Studies, Arithmacy and Divination (Harry snorted when he saw that). He received an A in the last three subjects, Ancient Runes, Astronomy and History of Magic.

Feeling rather proud of himself for getting ten NEWTs with barely any studying other than sifting through his memories with Occlumency – hey, it wasn't really cheating – Harry used Dumbledore's fireplace to Floo home and tell his parents the good news.

"Harry, you're home!" Lily cried happily as she hurried over to hug her tall son. James followed out of the kitchen and grinned. 

"How were the NEWTs?" he asked.

Harry grinned wildly and gave his mother the parchment. "Ten NEWTs!" he said happily. "Three O's, four E's and three A's!"

"Oh congratulations sweetie!" Lily cried, squeezing him to death. "I'm so proud of you, we _must_ celebrate! You've gotten two more NEWTs than your father!"

James looked scandalized. "Lily, not in front of him!" he hissed, but she waved him off with a laugh.

"We're very proud of you Harry," he then said seriously. "Oh man, Sirius and Remus are coming over tonight, you'll never hear the end of it!"

"Sirius?" Harry asked excitedly. "My godfather, right?" He still had to pretend that he didn't know anyone. "And Remus is your friend right?"

"That's right!" James said triumphantly. "You used to call Remus 'Unca Moony' when you were a baby. He loved it, didn't have any family of his own you know."

Lily looked at Harry very seriously. "You'd better not tell Remus about your… werewolf hunting," she told him. "He may get upset."

Harry nodded solemnly. He parents had 'told' him that Remus was a werewolf but Harry knew this of course. And Harry really did hunt down werewolves. He, Bill and Remus from his old universe had hunted down Fenrir Greyback and put the psychotic werewolf and his clan out of their misery. Harry thought of it as payback for what the monster had done. Fleur was with Mrs. Weasley at the time, carrying her and Bill's unborn daughter Annabelle while she worried over her wolfish husband.

"Don't worry mum, everything will be fine," Harry said.

"Well if it isn't everybody's favorite godson!" a voice cried from the front door. "Moony, take a look at him!"

Harry burst into the hallway to see a much younger looking Sirius with an also-younger looking Remus with no gray hair.

"Sirius!" he called happily. "Uncle Remus!"

"Did you hear that Remus?" Sirius shouted triumphantly. "He still remembers!"

"We just told him Padfoot," James said as he and Lily came up. "Sorry to burst your bubble Moony."

Remus just smiled. "I'm just happy that the lad calls me that Prongs," he said. He ruffled Harry's hair, which looked sort of odd since Harry was a few inches taller. "Good God he's a beast James!"

Sirius poked Harry in the arm. "Crikey!" he cried, massaging his finger. "It's like poking steel!"

Harry laughed a loud belly laugh. These versions of his parents' friends were too much. "Does it give you incentive to start working out Sirius?" he asked.

Sirius was gobsmacked. "James!" he hissed, tugging on his friends' shirt. "James, he just – he just made a joke about me!"

James wiped a fake tear from his cheek. "That's my boy," he said with a sniffle. Remus just smirked.

They had a late supper that was the most raucous supper Harry had ever had – and he had supper with the Weasleys! There were lots of talking between the Marauders and somehow it ended with Sirius having a clown nose and Remus with bunny ears. Lily and Harry tried not to snort, but secretly gave eachother a wink. Harry had pranked Sirius and Lily got Remus, but they both thought it was James, who was then transfigured into an ottoman that Sirius cheerfully used while he watched the telly. 

Eventually, James was changed back, pranks traded all round – they still hadn't suspected the other two Potters – and all was well again. Lily finally forced the big boys to sleep and tucked Harry in, despite his meager protests.

"Tomorrow we can either look for a job for you or just see what Dumbledore can offer you sweetie," she said, smoothing Harry's hair out of his face. "And maybe buy you some Sleek-Easy, your hair is a mess!"

"Sleek-Easy, that's it!" Harry said in an epiphany. "Thanks mum!"

"Goodnight darling," she said, kissing his forehead. "I don't care if you were thirty-five I'll still kiss you goodnight!"

"Wn't haffit ne ovway!" Harry said sleepily.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 

_She-Who-Is-Aurora and You-Know-Who_

Harry arose bright and early the next morning, having had another wonderful sleep. He took a long steamy shower and smiled in surprise when he saw the Sleek-Easy potion/shampoo his mother had obviously bought on the shower rack. Running the solution in his hands and lathering his forehead, Harry began to appreciate Potions a lot more when his unruly hair began to settle. It had grown long over the past years – with Harry never having a haircut during his Hogwarts life – and his locks were nearly four or five inches long.

Harry rinsed his hair thoroughly and felt his smoothed out hair. It was definitely flatter and silkier now and Harry had to sweep his bangs off to the sides to see properly. He would have great fun styling his hair now.

Getting out of the shower, Harry quickly dried himself off and trotted into his room with the towel around his waist. As he walked through his private bathroom door, he was greeted with a loud shriek. His instincts taking over, Harry quickly dove off to the side, calling both Gryffindor swords to his hands and took a low crouched stance, both swords pointing out to the sides. He scanned his room for the intruder.

It turned out to be a woman. "Who are you?" Harry demanded, raising his right hand and pointing the tip of the blade at her throat. "What the hell are you doing in my room?"

"I'm so sorry!" the woman gasped. "I'm friends with your mother, I teach at Hogwarts!"

Harry furrowed his eyebrows. Come to think of it, she did look familiar. She had long dark tresses of hair that reached down to the small of her waist. She had almond shaped eyes with light brown color that were framed by her oval shaped face. She had a fine aqualine nose that was perched over a set of thin rosy lips. She was quite beautiful; Harry realized and didn't look that much older than him. He suspected that she had a wonderful figure hidden under those robes but he wasn't going to pry. He then remembered her name from his Hermione's incessant talking about Astronomy.

"That's right, you're Aurora Sinastra," Harry said, lowering his swords. With an audible groan, he tossed them onto his bed, where they landed with a loud _whump_. "D'you mind?" he asked, waving his hand at his semi-naked state.

Sinastra then realized that Harry was indeed half-naked and with another shriek and heavy apologizing, she backed out of his room with an incredibly red face while she covered her eyes all the same. Harry just rolled his eyes – although he was slightly pink – and muttered, "Women!"

A short while later Harry emerged from his room. He was dressed in a new style of shirt that was worn like a t-shirt but was a vest. It was still warm outside, so Harry wore the creamy white vest without any shirt underneath and unzipped, showing his defined torso to the world. Today, he wore a tighter pair of deep blue jeans instead of his regular baggy black. The locket around his neck and a pair of black Nike wristbands adorned his forearms and his holly wand was conveniently tucked into the left band for a quick draw. He wore a version of Doc Martins that looked like trainers today as well, since they were lighter and allowed more air. 

He walked down into the kitchen after getting dressed and sending his swords to wherever they went to and scowled at the two women at the table.

"Hello Harry, I see you've had a run in with Aurora this morning," Lily said, trying not to snort with laughter. Sinastra just tried not to go red again.

Harry _harrumphed_. "I'd like to see what you'd do if Sirius or Remus walked in when _you_ got out of the shower," he shot back. Sitting down at the table, he piled the bacon onto his plate and began to eat ravenously.

"I'm sorry Harry," Sinastra apologized. "I didn't know if you were decent or not."

"Don't worry about it," Harry muttered. "You're not the first girl to see me half naked." Sometimes, during their hunt together, Harry and Hermione would have to sleep next to eachother and Harry had gotten used to sleeping without a shirt. Of course, that didn't help the old Hermione's growing attraction towards him. Harry sometimes wondered what might have been if she hadn't died. He quickly squashed those morbid thoughts as Sinastra sat down next to him.

"I don't have classes until the afternoon and night," she told him as she helped herself to some scones. "So sometimes I just hang out with Lils because she doesn't work Tuesdays."

"I didn't know you and my mother were friends Sinastra," Harry said as he downed his orange juice.

Sinastra laughed melodically. "Just call me Aurora," she told him. "My last name makes me feel too old."

"And just how old are you, Aurora?" Harry asked slyly.

She gave him a playful glare. "None of your business, but I'm twenty-one."

Harry shrugged. "You look older when you're at Hogwarts."

She flicked his nose and he protested vainly. "That's because I dress and wear makeup to look older," she said. "D'you think my male students would take me seriously if I showed up looking like this?"

Harry snorted. His mother had tactfully left the kitchen, that sly woman. "If they were anything like I think they are, they'd probably try to jump your knickers," he said.

"_What_!" Aurora snapped, grabbing his arm. Harry, however, didn't flinch in the slightest.

"That was for seeing me in nothing but a towel," he said as she flushed again. "Of course we could leave this out and have you even the score if you'd like?"

He didn't know why, but flirting with this older woman was great fun. She reminded him a lot like Ginny, who was just as feisty, however Aurora Sinastra didn't seem to have that redheaded temper, which was a bonus. Harry still missed his old Ginny, but he suspected that he wasn't going to get home anytime soon. Although there was the matter of Voldemort. However, Harry had finally killed Nagani, so really, all it took was an Avada Kedavra from anyone to put the bastard out of his misery, at least Harry hoped it would work. Still, there were some things the confused him. Like, how could he call his own sword from his universe and use it here? Or, how could he use _this_ world's sword when it was clear that his sister should probably use it? Harry hoped that whatever he was sent here to do would be done already so he could go home. But then again, did he _want_ to go home? He was perfectly happy being here, with his family and everyone alive. _Oh well, _Harry thought as he finished his eggs. _At least that takes care of last chapter's plot holes_. (AN: LOL ignore that last sentence, but I did put this as "Humor".)

"Harry sweetie, let's go look around for some jobs!" his mother's voice wafted from the living room.

Aurora leaned over Harry's shoulder and looked at him sensually. "I don't know," she breathed onto his neck, "Think you could keep up?"

She gazed hungrily into Harry's eyes, slightly scaring him before sticking her tongue out at him childishly and sauntering away from the table, leaving the poor man hot and bothered. She grinned evilly at Harry before walking up to Lily.

"I've got to head back and mark some star charts," she said regrettably. "You two have fun without me! Bye Lils, _Harry_."

She apparated back to Hogsmeade and Lily looked over at her son, who was scowling. "Something disturbing you honey?" she asked with a knowing smile.

Harry's face had a scowl that put Snape's to shame. "That woman is incorrigible!" he sputtered.

Lily laughed and dragged her son away from the table, and out to the city to look for a job.

"Come forward, Lucius," a high and cold voice hissed. 

Lucius Malfoy, dressed in black robes crawled up to the figures' robes and kissed the hem. "Milord," he murmured softly.

"What is this I hear about the Potter brat being alive?" Voldemort hissed venomously. "I seem to recall burning that infant to ashes!"

"I do not doubt your power milord," Lucius said quickly to forestall his master's fury. "But the Potter brat is somehow alive milord, and is an adult."

"How can this be?" Voldemort fumed. "He should not be this age that you speak, or even alive for the matter! Tell your pathetic son that he is to keep an eye on the Potter man if he is ever at Hogwarts!"

Lucius kissed Voldemort's robes again and began to crawl out of the room. "Yes milord, it is as you say," he said quietly, respectfully.

"Are the plans for Azkaban going well?" Voldemort breathed.

"They are milord. The Dementors will return to us soon after we release our brethren and give them the remaining prisoners."

"You have done Lord Voldemort well Lucius, now return to the Ministry and find out all you can."

Despite his mother's best intention, Harry couldn't find a job that was well suited for him. All of the wizarding jobs available were pretty boring, and they were mostly desk or clerk work or even worse, Ministry related. Harry was content to apply for the Auror Academy, but he didn't want to waste three years learning things he had learned his entire life. Besides, three years away from his family? _I think not_, Harry snorted. 

"Well, maybe Albus can find you a job teaching at Hogwarts!" Lily said brightly. "You'd be perfect for Defense against the Dark Arts, but I'm afraid that's already been... taken," she said with an ugly look on her perfect features.

It had to be Umbridge. "I take it you hold no love for the teacher?" Harry asked sarcastically.

"She's an ugly bint," Lily said with fever. Harry actually snorted when he heard his mother curse Umbridge. "She doesn't believe that Voldemort is back and is doing nothing to teach the students! Naria says she is biased, likes the Slytherins and hates Neville! The poor boy already has detention with that cow!"

"What about dueling?" Harry said suddenly, desperate to stop his mother's tirade. "I remember someone named Lockhart opening a dueling club a few years back, maybe Dumbledore would let me teach that?"

Lily beamed at her son. "Well you've definitely got the skills and experience!" she said brightly. "Plus that bonus mark on your Defense NEWT would make you a shoe-in! I say go for it, that way that toady cow can't do a thing about you teaching Defense to the older students!"

Harry and his mother arrived in Dumbledore's office shortly thereafter and found the old man waiting for them at his desk. 

"Albus, how are you?" Lily asked kindly.

"Oh, I could be better," Dumbledore said with a chuckle. "I daresay that Delores has a rather vindictive streak towards poor Neville."

"Crazy, ugly bint," Lily muttered. Dumbledore pretended not to hear her.

"What brings you two to Hogwarts on this lovely day?" he cried, smiling widely at mother and son.

Harry stepped forward. "Well, I was wondering if you were in need of a Dueling teacher?" he asked nervously. "I mean I've got the skills and experience, and I've had some experience teaching a few years back… Plus I got enough NEWTs to qualify for a minor teaching role at any institution and I would even work for free if you want -"

"Harry," Dumbledore interrupted gently. "You are rambling."

Harry turned pink. How, after all these years could Dumbledore still make him feel like a schoolboy who got caught? "Sorry sir," he mumbled.

"I think that this is a wonderful idea," Dumbledore then said to Harry's delight. "It is not too late into the year as it is still September, and I think that having a competent instructor would greatly help the older students. Harry, just quickly write up a resume and I will get the teaching contract completed for you!"

Harry – with lots of help from his mother – wrote a three page resume that mostly had fake jobs that Harry made up but he was accepted anyways. Dumbledore gave Harry a one-year trial contract that basically said that if he and the school governors were satisfied with his work, then they would renegotiate a new contract the next year, with a full-time salary. As it was, Harry was making 85 Galleons a week with his teaching job. A full-time teacher made 110 Galleons a week, so Harry wasn't too bad off. Besides, 85 Galleons was a lot of gold and Harry didn't want to scrounge off of his parents, no matter what his mother said. 

"I believe we have an accord," Dumbledore said happily, shaking hands with Harry. "Welcome aboard Harry! I will inform the staff and students tonight at dinner. Now, you will be given teachers quarters in the North Wing of the castle. They are very kosher, and have a full compliment of side rooms with them."

Dumbledore then gave Harry a thin leather book. "Staff guidelines," he told the bewildered Harry. "Mostly you are not to fraternize with any students unless you are in dire need of a lawsuit. You are also to maintain a professional attitude -"

"What happened with Snape then," Harry muttered.

"- and strive to help any student who asks for it," Dumbledore continued, ignoring Harry's comment. "You are also allowed to give and take house points, but please go easy on the Slytherins. I think that your classes should be held Tuesdays and Thursdays at eight in the evening. That successfully avoids any Quiddich practices."

"Yes, don't want to get torn apart by those Quiddich buffs," Harry said with a laugh. "Will my course be elective?"

Dumbledore stroked his beard and sucked on a Lemon Drop. "I believe that it will be mandatory for fifth years and higher," he mused. "Any of the younger years may join at their own discretion."

He clapped his hands together. "Now, I believe that you should get moved into your quarters Professor Potter!" he said jovially. "Ah, that has a nice ring to it."

"I'll just get going then!" Lily said, reaching over and giving Harry a bone creaking hug. "I'm so proud of you sweetie! Tell your sister I said hi and I can't wait to tell James! He'll be so shocked!"

"Bye mum!" Harry waved as she disappeared into the fireplace. "North wing right?" he turned to Dumbledore.

Dumbledore nodded. "Yes. You will have the quarters near the old Defense classroom," he said. "You may choose to use the classroom for practice with individuals however I will have the Great Hall set up for your larger night classes accordingly. Your portrait will be the one with the group of Veela, I hope that is too your liking?" he added with a twinkle.

Harry suppressed a grin. "Only you Dumbledore," he said with a laugh. "Thanks a lot for the job headmaster."

Dumbledore waved him off. "Thank _you_ my boy, for giving the students a fighting chance," he said cryptically. "However, I was wondering if I could ask you a favor?"

"Shoot," Harry replied.

"I think that Mr. Longbottom will be in need of Occlumency lessons later on this year," Dumbledore said woefully. "Seeing his _history_ with Professor Snape and since I cannot teach him myself, could you teach him?"

Harry was taken aback. He had never taught anyone Occlumency before. If this was to block Voldemort out like Harry had to, then it had to be pretty big. However, Harry wasn't going to let things fudge up like in his world. "On one condition," he said.

"Go on."

"I will teach him the basics of Occlumency until he is adequately skilled," Harry said. "Then you will teach him because you are far better than I am."

Dumbledore seemed to agree with this. "I see no harm in that, it is actually a good idea," he said. "Very well, I happily accept, thank you Harry!"

"Don't worry about it, old Snake Face won't be able to possess Neville," Harry said reassuringly.

Dumbledore gaped at him. Harry chuckled. "You catch a few things when you travel," he said mysteriously.

Harry found his quarters quite easily. There was a large portrait that pictured about six Veela dressed in gowns around a river. He stepped up to the portrait. "Hey there," he said. Life here was just too good to him. 

The Veela all smiled seductively at him. "What would you like your password to be?" the oldest one asked. At least, Harry thought she was the oldest; she looked in her mid twenties while the others looked like virgin teenagers.

"Does it have to be a word or can I choose a phrase?" he asked.

"Whatever you wish handsome."

"Ok, how about, _never forget the past_?" he asked. The horde of Veela winked saucily at him and opened the door.

Harry's quarters were very large and decorated in Slytherin colors of black, silver and dark green. "Must have been an old snake that used this place last," he murmured. He drew his wand and changed the dark green to an emerald to match his eyes. He left everything else as it was since he rather liked the color combination.

It took Harry about two hours to move his things from Godric's Hollow to his Hogwarts Quarters and he collapsed on his bed when he was finished. "Phew!" he said as he lay there. 

The bathroom was very much like the Prefect's bathroom and he had his own bath/pool. However there was a shower if he wanted to be quick. Unfortunately, the dresser had a mirror which spoke to him so Harry had one of the Hogwarts elves remove it and replaced with a normal one. Those talking mirrors freaked him out.

He heard a knock on his door. "Enter," he said in his Dumbledore voice. The portrait giggled and the door swung open to reveal Aurora Sinastra. Her eyes widened when she saw him.

"_You're _the new Dueling teacher?" she gasped. "Holy cauldron cakes, I thought Dumbledore was joking when he said he hired a new teacher!"

"I'm insulted," Harry sniffed.

She flopped down on the bed beside him. "Oh don't be such a sod," she said cheerfully. "Nice room, I love what you've done with it."

"Thanks Aurora," Harry, stretching out and hearing the bones in his back pop. "What brings you to my humble bachelor's pad?"

"Don't you mean 'humble abode'?" she asked. "Never mind, I just thought I'd visit. You nervous?"

Harry shrugged. "Not really," he said honestly. "I've taught in front of large crowds before, this is no different. Well, except that there'll be Slytherins this time."

"Oh, ok," she said quietly, thankfully not understanding his Slytherin jab since he technically shouldn't know about them. They lay on his bed for a while longer. "Sooo, do you have a pool?" she asked.

"Yup."

"Going to invite some seventh years, aren't you?"

"Rule 16 dash 7," Harry said automatically. "'Members of the staff are not to fraternize with the students or pursue relationships with students.'"

"You're such a prude," Aurora smirked.

Harry grinned. "They're so out of my league," he said pompously. "No giggly schoolgirls for me, thanks."

Aurora rolled over so that she lay on his chest innocently. "And what exactly is your type, Professor Potter?" she asked coyly.

Harry decided that she needed to be knocked down a peg. "Blonde, buxom and sexually curious," he replied seriously.

Aurora glared at him in horror. "You're not serious are you?" she asked dangerously.

"Nope, that's my godfather, I'm Harry."

"Harry!"

"Fine, I was joking."

She smiled victoriously. "So _really_, what's your type of girl?" she asked. "Who's your perfect lady?"

Harry sighed and thought honestly. "Someone who isn't afraid to live life," he said, thinking of Ginny. "A girl who can take care of herself, and is clever," he added, thinking of Hermione. "And, I don't know, she'd have to be cute at least," he finished, thinking of Cho.

"Hmm," Aurora said. "Did you know that there's no rule against teachers fraternizing?"

"Really?" Harry asked, looking down at her. She ran her fingers over his chest, admiring his toned muscles that rippled at her touch. She unconsciously began to rub herself against his hips.

"Really," she whispered, moving her head so that her lips were grazing Harry's. Harry was in pure bliss as she moved against him and was all ready to snog the daylights out of her.

In a flash, Aurora was suddenly standing beside the bed, looking professional again. "Well, I've got classes soon!" she said cheerfully, as if she had no recollection of what she had just done. "I'll see you at dinner Harry, bye!" and with that she disappeared out the door, the Veela in the portrait laughing prettily.

Harry lay there for a moment, pitching a tent in his jeans as he tried to comprehend what had just happened. "You're evil, you know that!" he shouted out to the door.

Aurora's laughter tinkled back through the open door as she walked away and Harry rolled over onto his stomach, grinning goofily.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 

_Potter vs. Umbridge_

Harry met up with Aurora later that evening for dinner. Since he was a part of the teaching staff now, he had a seat reserved for him at the head table. Dumbledore told Harry that he would be sitting next to the Astronomy teacher, due to the seating arrangements. Harry thought that Dumbledore was just plain mean.

"Ready to make your debut Professor?" she asked Harry as she straightened his collar. He looked very handsome tonight, wearing that ridiculously sexy full length leather jacket that looked as if it could barely contain his ripped frame.

Harry's hair was adjusting to the Sleek-Easy nicely, and it hung down in waves on his head, making him look clean and even more handsome and professional. It sure beat his old curly shag. He was a young man now; he didn't need to look like messy teenager anymore.

"As ready as ever," he shot back to her as they passed through the antechamber. "Kiss for good luck?"

She contemplated his suggestion very seriously before giving him a friendly peck on the cheek. "Speak of this to anyone and I'll hex your bits off!" she growled, but Harry could see the amusement dance in her eyes.

He bent over and daringly bit her ear softly. "Wouldn't dream of it," he breathed, causing her to shudder. He wondered how much flirting it would take before they attacked eachother from all the sexual tension.

Aurora opened the door (AN: one of the ones like in the GOF movie, where Moody comes out or the champions go in) and walked out ahead of Harry. Harry took a few deep calming breaths and walked out the door confidently, with a smile gracing his lips.

Many students hushed instantly as he came out and began to whisper furiously to eachother. Harry saw his younger sister wave frantically at him albeit with a confused smile and he gave her a tiny wave back before seating himself next to Aurora. She raised her eyebrow at the dreamy sea of female students. She could've sworn that she saw Katie Bell of Gryffindor like her lips. 

"Popular, aren't you?" she whispered, nudging Harry in the ribs.

"Jealous, Aurora?" Harry said playfully.

She put up a haughty look. "As if," she said royally. "I would think that I'd have enough common sense not to go after a fellow teacher!"

Harry looked hurt. The problem was, Aurora couldn't tell if it was genuine or not. "I guess that's too bad for you then," he muttered, playing with his potatoes.

Aurora was about to ask what was wrong when Minerva tapped her glass, signaling the attention of the Great Hall.

Dumbledore stood up at his podium and smiled warmly at the students. "I know you are all wondering why Mr. Potter is sitting at the head table tonight," he said, watching many of the students nod their heads. "It is quite simple. This morning, Mr. Potter approached me with the proposition of a job offer. After listening to his proposition, I wholeheartedly agreed with him. May I proudly present, your new Dueling teacher!"

There was stunned applause from the student body, but then Gryffindor – lead on by Naria and Neville – erupted into cheers and raucous fanfare, if possible.

Dumbledore waited a full five minutes before continuing. "Yes, yes, most exciting!" he said. "Professor Potter, while young, has built up a simply incredible academic and combat repertoire, and I daresay that unlike your previous Dueling teacher, Professor Potter's endeavors against the Dark are not exaggerated."

There were a few cheers and catcalls and Harry grinned.

"So it is with pleasure that I welcome Professor Harry Potter, soon to be member of the Dark Force Defense League and recipient of the Order of Merlin: Third Class!"

Harry choked on his pumpkin juice and stared at Dumbledore in disbelief. "What?" he hissed. Dumbledore made his way over while the student body cheered loudly and clapped Harry on.

"Oh yes, I forgot to tell you about that," Dumbledore said absentmindedly. "When you told me about your endeavors against dark creatures and the like, I researched for any news of any defeat of dangerous beings. Imagine my surprise when I find many files about an anonymous man who has defeated werewolves, vampires, death eaters and the like! It was reported that the man couldn't have been older than you are!"

Harry could only sit there and gape at Dumbledore. "I, of course, knew it was you and was proud to see that you were so humble about what you do, so I brought the news to the Wizengamot and presented it along with your story, which they truly believe since I do."

"Bloody hell," Harry managed to say.

"So after much deliberation, it was decided that you are to be awarded the Order this weekend, and your induction in the Dark Force Defense League tomorrow," Dumbledore said happily. "Congratulations Harry, you are most certainly qualified to teach Dueling!"

"Uh – thanks…" Harry murmured. He was turning into a Lockhart, taking credit for other people's work! Then again, it _did_ help him out somewhat… He would just have to ride it out, yeah, ride it out…

Aurora, meanwhile, was beaming at him. "Wow, Order of Merlin: Third Class!" she said excitedly, giving him a pat on the shoulder. "I can't believe it, the only other person to get one was -"

"Gilderoy Lockhart," Harry groaned.

"Yeah, it's too bad he's in St. Mungos," Aurora said. "Oh well, I'm so happy for you, this is such an honor!"

"Kill me now!" Harry silently pleaded to the powers above.

"Congratulations Professor Potter, it is quite an honor indeed," a simpering, sweet voice said. Harry turned around to face GODZILLA HIMSELF, oh it was just Delores Umbridge.

"Thank you Madam Umbridge," Harry said, mentally vomiting with each word. "The Ministry is too kind," he added, trying not to twitch. 

She looked incredibly pleased. "Yes, what a generous government!" she said in her sickly sweet voice. Harry was riveted by the way her third chin waggled as she spoke. "I _am_ curious however, to know about your whereabouts these past seventeen years?"

"Oh, I was found and raised in England for a few years, then Italy and then I traveled the world after that, fighting against the forces of darkness," Harry said, mentally picturing himself hanging from a tree. He sounded like _Lockhart_ for Merlin's sake!

"And the fact that the ministry records say your age is eighteen instead of sixteen?" she simpered.

Harry smiled ruefully – it was fake of course. "Ah, bad Potions accident," he replied, quirking the interest of Snape. "Added too much sands of time to the Aging Potion I was testing and it turned permanent."

Harry secretly thanked his old Advanced Potions textbook, but then refrained himself since he was technically thanking Snape.

Umbridge nodded her head in understanding sympathy. "Oh you poor dear!" she said with obvious lack of sincerity. "However you must be very talented to brew such an advanced potion…?"

"Yes, I find that interesting as well," Snape's oily voice said as he sneered at Harry. "Where did you get your potions skills? I recall seeing an 'O' grade in your NEWT Advanced Potions."

"An 'O' in Advanced Potions!" Umbridge exclaimed. "You should be working in the Ministry young man, with your talent!"

Harry stifled a gag. "I was thinking of becoming an Auror in the near future," he said, avoiding Snape's question. Umbridge smiled widely, making her look even more toad-like and grotesque.

"We would be proud to have you Mr. Potter," she said importantly. "I am Minister Fudge's Undersecretary you know, I have many connections if you would like assistance."

Harry forced a warm smile on his face. "You are too kind Madam Umbridge," he said generously. "I will take your suggestion with full consideration."

"Such a good boy like your father," she simpered, touching his arm and making him retch in his mind. "Unlike that _Longbottom_ whelp," she muttered under her breath. "Have a good night Professor!"

"Good night!" Harry waved as she waddled off. "Good god she's vile," he muttered, slumping back in his chair as Aurora fondled his hair in sympathy. Wait, fondled?

"I know, she creeps me out!" she said with a shudder. "Always _staring_ at you with those beady eyes…"

"We must meet sometime to discuss some of the potions you can brew," Snape interrupted. "I would appreciate some help in brewing some potions for the school, and you obviously have talent, even if you're a Potter."

"We'll talk next week, after I'm settled in?" Harry suggested. Snape nodded briskly, eyeing Harry's hands warily before stalking away.

"Right ray of sunshine that one," Harry snorted. Aurora let out a giggle – which totally shocked her Astronomy students – and slapped Harry's shoulder lightly.

"Oh, leave our poor Potions Master alone!" she said. Harry stared at her. "It's not his fault that he's a walking grease deposit," she added, making Harry roar with laughter.

The next day passed by very quickly for Harry, and he spent most of the morning with Aurora, helping her grade second year charts and flirting half of the time. He had to admit, she was a very good player of hard-to-get and he enjoyed himself thoroughly. 

All too soon the evening came and Harry found himself standing in front of the fifth, sixth and seventh year students for his first ever Dueling class. He spotted Naria and her friends – meaning Neville, Hermione, Ron and Ginny – and off to the side he saw Malfoy sulking with his Slytherin cronies.

He stood up on the dueling platform and coughed to get everyone's attention. Pavarti Patil and Lavender Brown gave him giggly girl eyes and he rolled his own.

"Welcome to your first Dueling lesson," he said, fully into 'teacher mode'. "Here I will teach you not only how to defend yourself magically but also physically and mentally, if you're worthy of my time."

He stared hard at all of the students. "Professor Dumbledore tells me that Voldemort -" he patiently waited for the shrieks and flinches to end "- has returned. Whether that is true or not, I don't care, but I will tell you this: I am going to work you like dogs. I am going to grind you into the ground. After this week you will hate me. Hopefully by the end of the month you will be cursing my name. If I'm lucky, by the end of the year I will have highly paid assassins after my blood. You will dislike my classes that much."

The students were staring at Harry in a mixture of horror and respect, even the Slytherins. Harry leapt off of the platform and drew his wand. As soon as he hit the ground, he banished the entire platform.

"Professor, don't you think that we needed the dueling platform?" a Ravenclaw asked with his hand raised. It was Terry Boot.

"Ah, Mr. Boot," Harry said cheerfully. "Do you think that a death eater is going to give you the luxury of getting into stance, taking ten paces and bowing?"

Terry gulped and shook his head. Harry nodded. "However, five points to Ravenclaw for bringing out that excellent point," he said. The Ravenclaws looked pleased. "I am going to teach you what I call 'modern tactical warfare'. I picked it up from the muggles, believe it or not."

The Slytherin and pureblooded students looked disgusted. "Yes, I know how you feel about muggles," Harry said, rolling his eyes. "However! In terms of military might, the muggles have gone to the moon and back with their technique and wizards as a whole would learn much of it."

"What could we possibly learn from muggles?" Malfoy sneered. Harry grinned dangerously.

"Oh-ho, a Malfoy," Harry said as the blond flushed. "Very well, let us have a little duel then. Come over here, everyone clear off to the sides please."

Everyone did accordingly and soon Harry faced Malfoy off. "You will fight the good old wizarding way Mr. Malfoy, while I fight using my muggle tactics," Harry said as Malfoy nodded with an arrogant smirk. "I will award you fifty points if you manage to stun me, no damaging spells, understood?" 

"Yes sir," Malfoy said with grudging respect. Harry made sure that the other students were far away from any damage and put spectator shields up.

"You may begin whenever you wish."

Malfoy immediately cast a quick disarming hex which Harry easily dodged. Malfoy sent the tickling hex, laughing jinx and stunner in quick succession afterwards.

Harry, almost laughing at the absurdity of the match, merely dodged the hex, conjured a small metallic shield to take the jinx and flicked the stunner away with his wand. Malfoy furiously sent some more dangerous spells at him and Harry conjured a stone wall to cover himself. Casting quickly, Harry conjured another stone wall beside the one he was behind that was a few feet away.

"_Reducto_!" Malfoy shouted. Harry jumped from behind his wall towards the other one. Leaping through the air, Harry twisted around in mid-air and fired a body-bind and incarcerating hex through the gap before landing behind the other stone wall.

All of this happened in less than the three seconds it took for Malfoy to blow up Harry's old wall. Now, he was caught by surprise and bound tightly and frozen.

Harry quickly dispelled his wall and was met by applause from the students. He quickly made his way over to Malfoy and removed the hexes. Malfoy, to his surprise, didn't look angry at all but still had that grudging respect in his eyes.

"Well done Mr. Malfoy, ten points to Slytherin for your participation," Harry said. Malfoy just nodded – politely – and walked back to his cronies. Harry turned to his students, who watched him with rapt attention.

"What you saw me use was a muggle method of evade and cover," he said. "Muggle soldiers use this tactic whenever they are under fire. They will quickly drop, roll or jump to a safe spot – usually a wall or anything that can cover their body – and use it to stay safe. After that, you saw me dive out and hit Mr. Malfoy. I won't say that it is easy to do, and it will take many of you lots of practice to learn how to jump, aim, shoot and fall without getting hurt."

"Professor!" Hermione waved her hand.

"Yes – er – Miss Granger."

"Sir, wouldn't it be better to try to Stun your opponent right away?" she asked. "Our Defense textbooks say that the quicker you can end a duel, the better."

Harry raised his eyebrow. Apparently, this Hermione liked books a lot more than his. "An interesting argument Miss Granger," he said with his eyebrow still raised.

Hermione flushed. "I wasn't arguing sir," she said weakly.

"Don't worry about it, however come up here please."

Hermione paled slightly as she went up to face Harry.

"Again, you try your method and I'll try mine," he said. "Wands at the ready."

Hermione drew her wand shakily. "Anytime you are ready Miss Granger."

She took a deep breath. "_Stupefy_!" she shouted.

By the time the curse even entered her _mind_, Harry had already dove to his left, rolled once and crouched to his feet, blasting Hermione with a freezing hex. _Petrificus Totalus_! he thought.

Hermione was frozen before her spell had even hit the ground where Harry used to be. Harry took the charm off of her.

"Thank you, ten points to Gryffindor," he said as he helped the distraught girl back to her friends. He walked to the center again. "As you can see, staying put and casting quickly will not win you a fight."

He looked at the Gryffindors especially. "I know that some of you might like to shoot first, ask questions later but it would all be for moot if your opponent never stops moving," he announced. "Ok, I want you all to pair up with someone _not_ of your own house and practice dodging and falling."

"Falling, sir?" Ginny asked.

Harry merely leapt backwards and fired a minor hex at the pumpkin pasty Goyle was raising to his mouth. Harry landed softly on his back while the pasty exploded in the Slytherin's face.

"That," Harry said, getting up, "Is falling. Practice dodging and falling on all angles tonight."

"Will we be assigned homework Professor Potter?" Hermione asked while everyone groaned.

Harry looked disgusted. "And have me stay up all night marking three hundred essays?" he asked in horror. "I think not."

Everyone cheered except for Hermione, who looked like Christmas had been cancelled. "However," Harry groaned, "If you would like extra credit, you can – let's see – write a two foot essay on the advantages and uses of dodging, rolling and falling."

Hermione and several Ravenclaws brightened up at the prospect.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 

_The vampiress_

The next morning the Great Hall was positively buzzing with news of Harry's highly successful dueling class. Students were gushing to eachother about Harry's teachings and even the Slytherins were excited about it.

"Sweet Chocolate Frogs, you sure made yourself the popular new guy," Aurora muttered sourly as she helped herself to some coffee. "I take it your class was a hit?"

"They enjoyed it," Harry said, watching in morbid fascination as his fellow teacher inhaled three steaming cups of black coffee. "Good god woman, is that healthy?"

"Shut up," she muttered. "I'm not an early bird like _you_."

"Fine," Harry snapped. "I was just wondering."

Aurora sighed unhappily. "Can we _not_ fight please?" she pleaded. "It's too early in the morning for it!"

"What are we fighting about?" Harry shot back. "You don't like mornings, big bloody deal."

"Harry," she begged, but Dumbledore interrupted their conversation.

"Ah Professor Potter, there you are!" he said. "We are quite fortunate that your induction into the DFDL as I like to call it is in the morning! Come along, they're all waiting!"

Harry groaned audibly as some of his new students cheered for him. He put on a brave face and smiled wanly at his students, resulting in many feminine sighs.

"Lead the way Toto," Harry commanded. Dumbledore, who understood the movie reference perfectly, chuckled.

"We're off to see the Wizard!" he sang happily as he and Harry left the Great Hall.

Aurora watched Harry walk away and sank her head into her hands.

"And it is with great honor," Minister Fudge said loudly, as dozens of cameras flashed, "That I award this honorary membership to the DARK FORCE DEFENSE LEAGUE, to Harry James Potter!" 

Harry was given a small Auror-like badge that was pinned to his jacket by Fudge. He smiled and shook hands with the Minister, his crony – er – assistant Weasley and many other Ministry personnel and League members.

"Welcome aboard Harry!" a dark – appearance-wise – wizard named Claudius said, shaking Harry's hand repeatedly.

"Glad to be here," Harry said in return.

There were sixteen DFDL members, all of them highly talented in multiple ways of combat. Claudius was an expert in curse-breaking and defensive spells.

A middle-aged woman named Bethany Bilcox was a legendary werewolf hunter. Another man named Listerex Luthens was a retired Unspeakable. Harry hadn't met many of the others, since they were out fighting crime, but he did meet a young woman who preferred to stay in the thick, dark tent she was provided.

"Er- hi," Harry said, greeting the woman in the dark.

"I'm surprised that you would come see me," she said. Her voice was throaty and very sensual. "Being what I am."

"Someone who likes dark places?" Harry asked. She laughed, and again it sounded even sexual to Harry.

"Didn't you know?" she asked. "I'm a vampire."

"Oh, that's interest – wuzzat?" Harry said.

"And then they leave," the vampiress said wistfully. "They always leave after that."

"Uh, why?" Harry asked stupidly.

She looked at him from under her heavy cloak. "Most people are deathly afraid of us dangerous vampires," she said with a sneer.

"Well… you're not out for my blood so you must be a good person," Harry said nervously. He tried hard not to envision long fangs piercing his neck.

She suddenly laughed. "Do you really think so?" she asked, somewhat shyly. It was a total change from her previous demeanor.

"Yeah, sure, I've had a bunch of weird friends before," Harry said, slightly less anxious now. "Even a house-elf!"

She laughed and glided up to him. Harry tried not to tense as a pair of deep blue eyes bore into his emerald ones. "You _are_ a strange one, Harry Potter," she breathed.

Harry was lost in her eyes. He knew that he was being Enthralled by the vampire, even if she was unwilling or not but he couldn't help it. Those eyes… they were just too captivating. Harry leaned forward and took the vampiress into his arms. Her eyes widened in shock but she didn't move as his hands traveled up her shoulders and to her hood. Harry pulled the hood back and his breath hitched.

She was beautiful. Well, obviously, all female vampires are strangely gorgeous, but that didn't stop Harry from staring some more. Her crystal blue eyes gazed at him in wonder as he took in her features. She had a slender, almost elven face that was pale as moonlight. Her hair was jet black, blacker than his own and thick and wavy. Her nose was perky and small. She had gorgeous blood-red lips that were undeniably full and pouty. "Like what you see human?" she whispered.

"I -"

"Harry, there you are!" 

Harry jerked around and the vampire drew her hood back up and stepped away from the light that filtered in the tent. His parents, Dumbledore, Sirius and Remus beamed at him.

"Another fighter in the family!" James said proudly, putting Harry into a headlock. "I'm proud of you son!"

"We _all_ are," Lily whined as she fought to give Harry a hug. "And we heard how well your lessons are!"

"I've only had one so far," Harry said sheepishly.

"I can't believe it Moony," Sirius moaned. "We've lost a potential Marauder to – to – _school_!"

"I was a Defense teacher you know," Remus told him.

"I _am_ the headmaster there you know," Dumbledore added.

Sirius waved him off. "You, my furry friend and Albus don't count," he said. He suddenly spied the cloaked figure. "Who're you?" he demanded, brandishing his wand.

"Sirius, relax," Harry said. "She's part of the League."

Sirius put his wand away but glared at the lithe figure. "Alright, but not funny business alright? League or not, I'm an Auror."

Remus, meanwhile, had narrowed his eyes as he sniffed the air. "Vampire," he growled. The others drew their wands and pointed them at the vampiress, who made no move to escape.

"Enough!" Harry bellowed, silently disarming the four. They all gawked at him. "Did you not hear me? She is a part of the League, hence part of the Ministry! I highly doubt that she's about to drain any of us."

"But Harry," Remus protested. "You've killed vampires; you know what they're like!"

"I've also killed werewolves too Remus, would you like to comment on that?" Harry snapped. Remus stopped talking immediately and looked ashamed.

Harry sighed. "Listen, I'm glad that you're all looking after me but I can do that myself!" he told his parents and family. "Not all vampires are evil, and not all werewolves are monsters."

"I – I'm sorry," Remus said to Harry.

"Don't say that to me," Harry said, flicking his head to the vampiress.

Dumbledore winked proudly at Harry. _Good for you Harry_, he mouthed.

Remus shuffled over and apologized again.

"It's alright, I get that a lot," she said quietly, making the men in the room quirk their eyebrows at Harry. He went a little pink.

"Aaaaaaanyways, I think it's time we got back to work Padfoot!" James said cheerfully. "Come on!"

"But – lady vamp!" Sirius protested. Lily cuffed him in his sensitive area and he finally had the sense to leave the tent.

"Alas, I must return to Hogwarts," Dumbledore said. "Good day to you all, madam."

"Well, I'm sure your mother wouldn't mind me visiting for the day, so we'll get out of your hair Harry," Remus said. "I'm sorry again, instincts you know."

"It's fine, I've never spoken with a descendant of the lycans before, it was very interesting," the vampiress said. Remus smiled and after a few hugs from Lily, Harry and the lady vamp were left alone in the tent.

"Interesting, your family," she said. 

Harry grinned apologetically and ran his hands through his hair. "Yeah, sorry about that," he said.

"It's fine," she said. She lowered her hood again and stared into Harry's eyes. "So you hunt my kind?" she asked.

Harry winced. "Used to," he said. "Only the ones allied with Voldemort."

She nodded. "I understand," she said. "I would not have judged you, I am a Slayer myself."

"I – wow," Harry said. "It must take a lot to kill your own kind."

She shrugged. "It does, but like you said, I only hunt the nasty ones." She held her hand out. "I am Celeste."

"Harry Potter, again," Harry said, shaking her hand. It was ice cold, but he felt a pulse to his surprise. "Half vampire?" he asked.

She managed to blush, which confirmed Harry's suspicion. "How could you tell?" she retorted.

"Well, I felt a very weak and slow pulse, plus the blush doesn't help you either," Harry said with a chuckle.

She smiled warmly at him, and her elongated canines didn't frighten him the least bit. Harry found it very attractive. "Ah, I must remember that in the future she said."

"So… how do you Slay?" Harry asked. "Stakes, silver?"

She nodded and shrugged off her cloak. Harry felt all of the blood rush to a certain part of his anatomy. Thank Merlin for small favors and baggy jeans.

She was clad in skintight leather. Skintight. Leather. It hugged every single curve on the lady vamp and was split down into a V at the top. The V split showed off an enormous amount of cleavage, but she wasn't so hugely endowed that it looked whorish or ridiculous. She was actually quite modest and perky. The V cut went down to her navel, showing off wonderfully white flesh as her flat stomach moved with each breath. Her legs were incredibly long and looked as if they had been carved like a Greek Goddess.

Sheathed at both sides of her hips were odd bladed devices. Both were identical and looked like a cross between a sword, staff and chakram. The handle was wrapped in white leather and round like a staff. It was about two feet in length. Attached to the ends of the handle were blades that curved around it, shaped into semi-circle bat wings. The 'bat wings' extended out in front of the handle a few inches where they met with a blade that stuck out from the handle. The blade itself was about a foot long and had an arrow head. The blade was separated into two pieces, the first piece that came out of the handle. The second piece was hollow in the middle and had the arrow head at the tip, where the back tips of the arrow lined up with the 'bat wing' blade tips. The other end had the same thing.

Both weapons were very beautiful and exquisitely designed and Harry ventured that they were made completely out of silver.

"These are my bladed staffs," Celeste explained, unsheathing both from her hips. She held them gingerly, but strongly as she held one out sideways to show Harry. With a flex of her fist, the weapon made a quiet noise and both blade tips extended out another three feet to Harry's amazement. It seemed that the end blades were in pieces so that they could extend out further. The weapon was absolutely deadly and beautiful at the same time. _Just like Celeste is_, Harry realized. Those weapons could belong to no one but her.

"How can you hold silver like that without being harmed yourself?" Harry wondered.

"I am half, so silver and sunlight do not harm me as much," she explained. "Although I do try to avoid them whenever I can," she added with a sparkle in her eye.

Harry and Celeste spent some time getting to know eachother. They had lunch together at an indoor restaurant since Celeste could tolerate the lessened sunlight and they had a great time. Harry learned that Celeste was nearly a thousand years old, and had known the Hogwarts founders when she was a little child. She had been sired by a vicious vampire after he had raped her mother. After growing up and learning what she was, Celeste trained hard and long until she was a teenager. She tracked down her violent father and slew him without a thought. After her mortal mother had died a long time ago, Celeste began to travel the world, hunting as many vampires as she could. Occasionally, she would find a half-vampire that would help her out, but friendliness was a rare thing with vampires, and they would always distance. 

Harry told Celeste a lot of his made up life, trying to put in factual bits of his real life whenever he could. She was very interested with all of the battles he had been with and was entranced when he told her the story of fighting a Basilisk when he was twelve. She never once didn't believe him.

It was beginning to get late when Harry announced that he had a class to teach. He and Celeste were walking around a muggle park and she smiled oddly at him when he said so.

"Go to your students," she said, still smiling oddly. "They need to learn as much as they can in these dark times. I will see you again, heir of Godric."

And with that, she pulled Harry in for a searing kiss before turning into smoke and apparating away vampire-style.

Harry stood there, dumbfounded as his fingers grazed his lips, which were still tingling coldly. Her kisses had been ice cold and blistering hot at the same time.

"Well, this is a new development," Harry said, getting ready to apparate. "This world rules."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 

_The wood nymph_

Harry arrived just in time to see his regular students milling in the Great Hall. This time, a great deal of younger students had arrived. Harry smiled at their eagerness.

"Hello again!" Harry said and everyone instantly quieted down. "Welcome back and welcome newcomers!"

The older years clapped politely for the younger years, who beamed at eachother.

"Seeing as there are a number of younger students here, I will now explain our new time schedule," Harry said loudly. "Fifth years and above will have their classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays after today. This is so that it doesn't interfere with Quiddich practices or studying."

The Quiddich players cheered and Hermione and the Ravenclaws smiled appreciatively.

"Fourth year and under will have their lessons on Monday, Wednesday or Friday, and you can come any day you wish since it is voluntary for your years," Harry said. "Classes will be the same as the upper years, but we'll be using different spells of course."

After that statement, Harry instructed the elder years to give the younger ones a quick lesson on what they had learned the night before. Since it was Tuesday, Harry was going to teach the older years a new tactic, but make them practice the dodge/fall technique afterwards.

"Alright, fifth years and up over here!" Harry shouted, blowing his new whistle. The elder years left the giggling younger years to bounce around as they joined Harry. 

"Today we'll be learning the valuable lesson of teamwork," Harry said, sweeping his gaze over his students. It was surprising to see how easy he had molded into his new life. "Can anyone give me a good reason why teamwork is valuable?"

Hermione raised her hand first. "Because your team mates can assist you in combat!" she said.

"Five points to the Lions, that is a good reason. What else?"

"Uh, like Hermione said but they can also help you if you're hurt," Neville volunteered.

"Take another five, excellent, come on I know that Gryffindor doesn't have all the answers!" Harry shouted.

"You can plan strategies with your team!" Zacharias Smith shouted.

"Five to Hufflepuff, keep them coming!"

"More people mean more firepower," Daphne Greengrass called out.

"Slytherin take five points, that's a very good point Miss Greengrass," Harry said. He looked at the Ravenclaws. "Can one of you give me a very good reason for twenty points?" he asked over mutterings of unfairness.

Luna Lovegood spoke up dreamily. "Having a team of talented duelers can increase your odds of surviving greatly," she droned. "If the team is well balanced, each member can compliment the other and they will work fluidly, as if they are one person. Working in a team also teaches you how to think quickly in a dangerous situation and react accordingly with commands. Oh and, one person can never do something alone," she added with afterthought.

Everyone stared at the little girl. Even Harry stared. "Uh, that is precisely what I was looking for, thank you Miss Lovegood."

"You're welcome Professor," Luna sang.

"Our points, sir?" Terry asked.

Harry grinned wickedly. "Oh you're going to have to earn those points Mr. Boot," he said gleefully. "Five Ravenclaws, up here now!"

Terry gulped but he quickly gathered four of his friends. He chose Marietta Edgecomb, Sarah Fawcett (a seventh year), Roger Davies and Su Li, a tiny Chinese fifth year.

They stepped up to the clearing that Harry was in and nervously waited for his command. Harry grinned at them. "I will not give you instruction, but I expect you all to use some form of teamwork to try to incapacitate me," he said. "If you don't beat me, you'll get your twenty points. If by some miracle you do beat me, then you'll get a hundred points. Does that sound good to you?"

"Yes sir!" the eagerly said. Harry nodded and with his usual order of "when you are ready" they immediately fanned out around him, stalking him like predators.

Harry stood in the center of their ring calmly, using Occlumency to listen to his surroundings. They were far enough to whisper without being heard by Harry, but he didn't need his ears to hear. 

_Marietta and Roger, distract the professor while I shoot at his feet,_ Terry ordered. _Su and Sarah, try to sneak behind him and Stun him!_

No sooner than Terry's orders went out, Edgecomb and Davies attacked. They sent minor hexes and jinxes at Harry in a flurry, while Boot tried to cast a Jelly-Legs Jinx on him.

Harry parried almost every curse the twosome sent at him and with his Seeker reflexes he swiftly avoided the last few by leaning to the side, back or tilting whatever part of his body out of the way. Terry's jinx was sidestepped easily. All in all, Harry barely moved a foot away from his original position.

Out of the corner of his eye, Harry saw both girls sneak around and out of his vision. Things got a little trickier as all the Ravenclaws sent hexes at him from all directions at the same time.

Harry blocked and dodged most of them, but was hit by a strong Stinging hex by Davies in the shoulder. Giving the boy a nasty look, Harry silently cast a binding curse followed quickly by a spell whip charm. The binding curse combined with the spell whip and a ten foot whip of crackling blue energy formed from Harry's wand. This was one of the nastier spells Harry had learned, but he usually combined the spell whip with something a bit more painful, like the cutting curse or _Sectumsempra_.

Harry cracked the whip towards Davies and the boy was instantly frozen. Taking another Stinging hex in the back, Harry wandlessly cast one of the three only wandless spells he knew, the Levitation charm. Harry flew four feet into the air and he corkscrew twisted in mid air much like last night. Throwing his arm out, Harry spun his whip in a complete arc, nailing all of the Ravenclaws and taking them out of the battle, or so he thought.

As Harry landed, he suddenly sensed a stunner coming his way. Dodging to the left, he twisted around to see Su Li fired a stunner right where he was going to land.

_Oh bloody hell_.

Harry was Ennerverated a short while later by a frantic Hermione Granger. He blinked a few times and stood up calmly. Su Li was standing off to the side looking terrified for actually cursing a teacher. 

"Good job Miss Li, one hundred points to Ravenclaw," he said to her surprise. He turned to the other students, who were watching avidly. "That is a lesson you should all learn. Miss Li used her knowledge of dodging and falling and used it against me. She sent the first stunner as a decoy, waiting for me to fall to the side where she hit me for sure that time. You could all learn a thing or two from her."

Su Li blushed furiously while Harry complimented her. Judging from the stray thoughts that ran across her mind, Harry found out that she thought of herself inferior to her fellow Ravenclaws. The poor girl didn't have too much self esteem or friends and was pressed by her parents to do her best since they were immigrant half-bloods. He also found out that she had a huge crush on him and had several fantasies and hot flashes involving him and roses, but he pulled away from those thoughts.

Harry let his students wrap up the remaining hour of class by breaking off into teams of five – once again there had to be at least one student from every house in a group – and walked around surveying the damage – er – progress.

He walked over to his younger sister, who was working with Luna, Susan Bones, Blaise Zabini and Neville. They were duking out with Hermione, Ron, Michael Corner, Hannah Abbott and Tracy Davis.

"Concentrate on defense a little more Naria," Harry told her group. They nodded and within minutes defeated Hermione's group, with Luna and Blaise casting shields and Naria, Neville and Susan attacking. "Good job, ten points to each of your houses. Oh and, mum says hi."

Naria flashed him a grin as they moved on to another group. All too soon to everyone in attendance, class was over and they all filed out of the Great Hall. Harry cleared up the mess and spell burn on the walls and decided to take a walk outside.

Harry was lost in his thoughts about the next night's lesson plan for the younger years. He decided to go find some harmless but annoying creatures to bring in. Harry wandered into the Dark Forest and walked around aimlessly, seemingly unafraid of what lingered within.

Harry walked for some time before he realized that it was nearly midnight. He also realized that he didn't know where he was. He must have gone so deep into the forest that he had ended up on the other side of the Black Lake, which was a long way to go. Harry found himself in some sort of glade, with fresh green grass and a small pond.

"A human? How odd!" a delighted voice said from behind. Harry whirled around, both swords in hands at the threat. 

He groaned when he saw a young woman standing in front of him. She didn't look completely human however. Her skin was very tanned and smooth, and she wore a top and skirt that suspiciously looked like they were made out of large leaves. The skin that wasn't covered by these odd articles was smooth and supple, along with some other assets and her muscles were very toned but still soft at the same time. The woman's face was very cute, not overly beautiful or unearthly like a vampiress or Veela, but very cute nonetheless. She had short curly hair that was in a pixie cut. Her hair was a wonderful shade of light brown. Her eyes were also brown, large and almond shaped.

Harry snorted. He seemed to be running into girls with almond shaped eyes lately. Although, he supposed, he somehow received his almond eyes from his mother, which made him look pretty and handsome at the same time. It was a bloody curse.

"A human!" she giggled. "In _my_ glade! What brings you here?"

"I was wandering around," Harry said. "What's your name, actually, what are you?"

She put her hands on her hips and pouted fantastically. "I'm a wood nymph!" she said proudly. "I'm the only one here, this is _my_ glade! My name is Kuna, what's yours human?"

"Harry," Harry answered. "Harry Potter."

"Welcome Harry Potter, the trees like you," she said with a cute smile. She was just too cute for her own good.

"Thanks?" Harry said. "What's a wood nymph doing in the dark forest? There are things that could hurt you out there!"

"Don't worry human!" she giggled. "Bad creatures cannot come into _my_ glade, it is too light for them to enter!"

"I see," Harry said, planting his swords into the ground. He would have to start working out so he could wield them properly. "So what's it like being a wood nymph?"

She giggled and pulled Harry down to the pond, making him sit next to her. "It is wonderful!" she gushed. "The trees sing to me, the food is plentiful and I am safe!"

"Don't you get lonely?" Harry wondered.

"Lonely?" she asked in confusion.

"Like, don't you wish that there were other nymphs around?" Harry asked.

"No," she said. "This glade is _mine_, not theirs to share!" She giggled again and started playing with Harry's straightened hair.

"You are a lot like a _girl_," she teased. "You have long hair and womanly eyes!"

"Excuse me!" Harry said, offended. "You might as well be a boy with such short hair but it's quite obvious when I look at your chest that you're a female!"

"Do you _like_ them," the nymph asked coyly, thrusting her chest out at Harry, who fought to keep the blood circulating. "_I_ like them, they are _mine_!"

"Uh – yeah they're great," Harry muttered, trying to gently push her away. "Haven't been around much humans have you?"

She laughed uproariously. "Never!" she said. "Humans are bad! They like to kill or capture my kind! I have heard of fellow nymphs being captured and made into love slaves for human men! I hate humans! But I like you!" she said flippantly.

"Thanks, I always appreciate non-human friends," Harry said. "Tell you the truth, I don't like many humans either."

"You can stay with me!" Kuna said happily. "I won't share _my_ glade, but I will share it with _you_ because I like you!"

Harry had to smile at the girl's almost lethal cuteness. She looked so much like the pixies you would read in muggle stories. Except that real pixies were five inches tall, uglier than sin and occasionally blue. "I'm flattered Kuna, but I can't stay," Harry said almost regrettably.

He was human – scratch that, male – after all and denying company with such a cutie was almost a sin to him.

She pouted again and Harry struggled to restrain himself from tearing her cloth – er – leaves off. "Can I come with you?" she asked suddenly.

Harry fell over comically. "What?" he sputtered.

"I _like_ you!" she reiterated. "I would like to be _your_ love slave!"

Harry promptly rolled over to hide the tent he was pitching. Funny, he was out in the forest pitching a tent. Anyways… "I'm really flattered Kuna -"

"Wonderful, let us bond!" she cried happily, grabbing Harry's hand.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 

_!Concubine?_

Harry felt a surge of magic rush through his body and his first thought was _Oh shit_. Actually, that was his second thought; his first thought actually was _Oh shit,_ but in a pleased tone. The second one was in a horrified tone.

"You're my master now!" Kuna said happily, wrapping her arms around Harry. "But it's ok, I like being _your_ love slave! I like you!"

"Oh wow," Harry moaned as he rolled over. Kuna giggled madly and rolled on top of him. He could smell her. She smelt like clean, if that were possible for someone living in the forest. Actually, she smelt like fresh water and wind. Harry didn't know how that was possible either.

She tugged on his arm to get him up. "Come!" she said happily. "We must go to your home! I want to see it!"

_NO, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!_ Harry moaned, banging his head on the ground. It was unfortunate that the ground was soft and mossy, since he didn't hurt himself at all. "Stupid git, stupid sodding git," he muttered.

"Master?"

Harry jumped up, alarming the cheerful wood nymph and grabbed her hand. "Right, well since I can't get out of this magical bond – it is a magical bond right?" he interrupted himself.

She nodded jovially, not understand the first part. "Yes master!" she said. "By my magic it is unbreakable!"

Harry groaned again. "Alright, since I can't do anything about it, we might as well head back," he said with great lament. "What – what do nymph love slaves do?"

She looked at him warily. "Anything," she said.

"Anything?" Harry asked incredulously.

"Anything."

"Oh wow," Harry breathed. "Don't worry, I won't make you do anything you don't want to do!"

"But I like you!" Kuna protested. "I want you to make me your slave in body and mind! I want you to take me night and day, gentle and rough, fast and slow!"

Harry nearly took her right there and then but somehow, SOMEHOW, SOME-BLOODY-HOW he managed to control herself. However, one more comment like that and he wouldn't be held responsible for his actions.

It was nearly one in the morning when Harry and his new wife/servant/slave? returned to Hogwarts. Kuna _oohed_ and _aww'd_ at the sight of the magnificent castle and nearly leapt with joy had Harry not restrained her. 

"We have to be quiet," Harry told the excited nymph. "Many people are sleeping and we don't want to wake them up."

"Ok!" Kuna said cheerfully. She held onto his arm possessively. "Are you taking me to your home to ravish me now?"

"Oh good god woman!"

Kuna only smiled mischievously, showing her cute dimples. Yes, her dimples are also cute. You cannot escape the cuteness. And she's only like, eighteen.

Harry and Kuna finally arrived to his quarters. Kuna started to pick a fight with the Veela in his portrait, but luckily Harry stopped it and they went inside. Kuna shrieked in delight of so many foreign objects and darted around the room, touching everything. Harry just sighed heavily and took his jacket off and collapsed onto the bed. 

Kuna was right there next to him an instant later and her nose touched his as she stared at him. He stared back into her earthly orbs and muttered, "… Yes?"

She merely giggled madly and pointed to the floor next to the bed. Harry looked down and saw a bunch of leaves. "Oh," Harry nodded. He took a deep breath.

"We must complete the bonding ceremony!" Kuna said brightly.

"Um, are you sure you want to do this Kuna?" Harry asked nervously. He was calculating the odds of success or scorn for taking a nymph lover. So far Harry estimated that he would get lots of positive acclaim from the younger male audience, but viewership in the female and adult areas might lose him airtime.

Kuna looked scandalized. "Of course, I _like_ you!" she said. "If we do not bond then I will be shunned and exiled by my kind and sent to death by the bond!"

Harry stared at the young woman. "You wood nymphs really thought this bond over, didn't you?" he asked dryly. "Well, let's get this over with, who knows, I might even enjoy it."

Kuna laughed at him. "Silly human, how could you not?" she grinned.

The next morning, Harry awoke with his pelvis sore and aching. Kuna slept next to him with a very satisfied smirk on her lovely face. "Blasted nymph," Harry muttered fondly. _Just to reiterate, this world rules_. He rubbed her check affectionately before getting out of bed. 

"Master?" Kuna asked sleepily.

"Just taking a shower Kuna," Harry told her. She was awake in seconds and bouncing on the bed. Harry's blood coursed watching her bounce.

"What is a shower?" she asked excitedly. "Can I take one too?"

Harry decided that maybe having a nymph for a slave wasn't really that bad. Heck, it made looking for a decent girlfriend unnecessary! Such ingenious thoughts! "Sure, how about we take a bath?" he suggested. "You'll love it, I swear."

An hour later, Harry and Kuna stepped out of his private bathroom with matching grins on their faces. She had absolutely loved the bath and had shrieked and frolicked around half the time. The other half was spent pleasing her master, which Harry didn't seem to mind anymore. After all, Kuna thought of the bath as a gift, and she had to repay her master. And Harry was a guy, which explains everything.

As they both walked into Harry's quarters, they noticed that his mother was standing there, a large piece of tapestry in her hand and a deadly look on her face. 

"Oh shit," Harry said out loud. This was the second tone of course.

"HARRY JAMES POTTER!" Lily screamed. "I WOKE UP THIS MORNING AND JUST BY CHANCE I LOOKED AT THE FAMILY TAPESTRY. AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT I SAW!"

"I can fancy a guess," Harry said sheepishly as Kuna looked frightened out of her mind.

"IT SAID 'HARRY JAMES POTTER' AND RIGHT UNDER IT WITH A RED LINE WAS 'KUNA, CONCUBINE'! CONCUBINE!" Lily screamed.

"It wasn't my fault!" Harry said. "Kuna bonded herself to me!"

"Oh like I'm going to believe that!" Lily seethed.

"I _like_ him!" Kuna said in her defense. "He is a wonderful master and I was lucky to bond to him quickly before he got away!"

Lily seemed to expand with rage and Harry wondered if she was going to explode. Finally, she deflated and collapsed on the floor. "A _concubine_, I can't believe it, my little boy…" she wept.

"It's ok mum," Harry said timidly, sitting down next to his mother. "She doesn't mind, honestly."

"He is _my_ master!" Kuna said possessively.

"See?"

"I wanted you to fall in love, find the perfect girl," Lily moaned. "Not pick up a concubine or two! Where on earth did you find her?"

Harry winced. "In the forest," he said. "She's uh – she's a wood nymph."

Lily tensed up. "Oh bloody hell, I'm not going to bother," she finally muttered. She glared at her son. "Are you happy?" she asked.

Harry was bewildered. "Yes?" he said.

"And you?" Lily turned her head to Kuna, who was smiling way too happily for her own good. "Right, stupid question. Did you perform the bonding ceremony?" she asked Harry.

Harry turned beet red. "Well, I didn't like what she did, but I couldn't let her die!" he protested on his behalf. Lily was on him all of a sudden, hugging and sobbing.

"Oh my poor boy is so noble!" she cried. "Taking a concubine so she would live! I'm so proud of you!"

Harry saw Kuna looking over at them in curiosity. _Redheads,_ he mouthed. _Crazy!_

Lily finally released her son from her clutches. "What's done is done I suppose," she said with a sniff. "You can still find yourself a proper wife anyways I guess."

"I have to _share_?" Kuna asked in utter disbelief. She wrinkled her nose cutely. Yes, every action that she does will be described as cute, you can't escape it readers. Just accept your fate. She is cute and you will hear of it as much as possible until it is drilled into your heads.

"Well, your godfather was happy to see it," Lily sniffed indignantly. "If I recall, his exact words were 'Way to go Harry, not even your old man could have pulled that off!' and your father was even worse! 'I can't believe he beat me Padfoot, I've been outdone by my own kid!'" she said in a deep voice. "At least Remus was sympathetic, but I knew I heard him mutter 'Lucky!' under his breath. Honestly!"

She stood up, pulling Harry with her. She began to tidy him up. "What is with you and wearing only towels in your room?" she asked irritably. "And you too!" she added to Kuna, who shrugged.

"I wear leaves!" she said innocently. Lily frowned.

"Yes, well I expect your provider and my dear _son_ to get you some proper clothes," she motherly said. "Harry! Take her clothes shopping this instant!"

"Mum!" Harry whined. "We haven't eaten yet!"

"You can eat at the mall! Now shoo!"

Harry and Kuna were forcefully ejected from his quarters after he had gotten some clothes on and Lily loaned Kuna a t-shirt and skirt. As they rounded the corner at the end of the corridor, Aurora poked her head out of her room and asked, "Hey Lils, who was that girl with Harry?" 

Lily sighed heavily. "You honestly don't want to know," she answered, giving the Potter Family Tapestry a dirty look.

Harry dragged himself back to Hogwarts while Kuna pranced beside him, dressed in the scantest amount of clothing she could possibly wear. Being a child of nature, it was either cover up the bare necessities or strut around naked as the day she was born. Naturally, Harry preferred the former and she bought many short shorts, skirts, tube tops, tiny t-shirts, half shirts, and shirts that were really brassieres, but called shirts. She refused to wear anything but thongs as well.

So, here we have our young hero dragging himself into the Great Hall, his new concubine nee wood nymph dancing beside him in shorts that barely covered her cute little bottom and a very small half shirt that had one side hiked up for some strange reason.

Harry threw himself into his chair while the faculty and students watched the odd girl sit next – pardon me – on his lap and began putting an assortment of vegetables on his plate. Wood nymphs don't eat meat of course. It's not cute enough.

"Uh, Harry who's that?" Aurora asked with her eyes narrowed. Dumbledore, be it fortunately or unfortunately decided to visit Harry.

"Well Harry, your mother told me this morning, congratulations!" he said, giving the poor man a pat on the shoulder. "Shall I call her by Kuna, mistress or Mrs. Potter?"

"WHAT!" Aurora screamed, nearly upending the head table. That would have been quite a feat, since with the food and whatnot on top; it probably weighed a ton or two.

"Call her whatever she wants," Harry sighed, leaning back and trying to swallow his tongue and choke himself to death.

"Kuna!" Kuna said stubbornly.

"Very well, welcome to Hogwarts Mistress Kuna, I hope you enjoy your stay," Dumbledore said, the twinkle apparent in his eye and the sanity obviously out shopping at the moment.

"When the bloody hell did this happen?" Aurora hissed, smacking Harry on the arm.

"Last night," was his response.

"You had a Vegas wedding last night?" she nearly shouted.

"No, she bonded herself to me," Harry groaned. "Can you like, shut up, my head hurts from all the screaming and my feet hurt from all the clothes shopping."

"You've taken a _concubine_?" Aurora snapped furiously. "Are you out of your mind?"

"Apparently," Harry shot back.

"Eat up your carrots!" Kuna said brightly, shoveling a handful of carrots into her master's mouth.

It was after many painful slaps to the back from the males (as he had thought) and many painful slaps to the face from the females (again as he had thought) that Harry finally pulled himself and his bubbly wife/servant/slave? to his Dueling class. 

"You teach people how to fight?" she asked curiously. "Why?"

"There's this big bad guy out there that's causing a lot of trouble," Harry told her as they entered the silent room. It was all the younger years. "I need to get the students prepared to fight if they have to."

"Oh," she simply said. "Have fun!"

At 9:30, Harry finally called the class to an end and dismissed his students, many of whom were ogling his new companion. He took Kuna gently by the hand and they retired to his quarters for the night.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 

_To France!_

It had been a week after the critically acclaimed soap opera that is Harry Potter's life had begun. The female students followed his and Kuna's sporadic life like it was Passions and there was never a dull moment for Harry's viewers. Still, there were haters, there are always haters.

"Professor Potter," came a simpering voice as Harry was spoon fed by Kuna during dinner. The female students watched the scene hungrily.

_Not her, anyone but her!_ Harry moaned. "Yes Madam Umbridge?" he said through gritted teeth.

She gave him a flattering smile – which meant that it was hideous. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I've heard the silliest rumor!" she said in a sickening girlish voice. "I heard that you had gone and made a – a _wood nymph_ your wife? Is it true?"

"Of course she isn't my wife," Harry said. Umbridge sighed in relief. "She's my concubine apparently."

Umbridge's face turned foul. "Really Professor, a creature such as that?" she said with her nose high in the air. "She's not even _human_!"

"OOOH!" the girls watching leered. Naria was seen passing around buttered popcorn.

"Since when did that matter my dear lady?" Harry snapped, finally having enough of the woman. "Do you despise magical beings as a whole, or are you just jealous?"

"I'm much cuter than you are!" Kuna said snobbishly.

"You go girl!" a random female voice yelled out from the audience.

"Silence you foul beast!" Umbridge spat. Turning to Harry she simpered, "I was just saying you could do better Professor."

Harry barked out a loud laugh. "Maybe you're right, how about I go find myself a Veela then?" he asked. "I heard they're wonders."

"OOH whatchu gonna say to _that_ bitch?"

Harry was almost positive that it was Angelina Johnson who said that, but it was impossible, she had graduated last year.

"I came to visit!"

"Oh, I was wondering…" Harry said. He turned back to Umbridge. "I'll see whoever I want to if you don't mind Madam. Actually, there's this fine lady vamp that I know who would like a call from me…"

"A _vampire_?" Umbridge screeched. "Are you mad?"

"Lady vamps are bloody gorgeous!" Ron shouted, only to be smacked by Hermione hard.

As if on cue, a black eagle owl flew into the Great Hall and up to Harry. Harry accepted the black envelope and gave the owl a piece of bacon, which it gobbled up greedily. Kuna giggled madly and pet the owl before it left.

Harry read the words on the envelope.

_To Mr. Potter_

_Dark Force Defense League_

_Ministry of Magic_

Harry shrugged and opened the letter and began to read, to Umbridge's fury at being ignored.

_Dear Mr. Potter,_

_It is my great pleasure to inform you that the award ceremony for your Order of Merlin: Third Class will be held at 9:00AM sharp today. Please wear dress robes and bring your companion with you. Your family will be waiting for you there._

_You may bring your younger sibling since all family is required to attend._

_Cornelius Oswald Fudge_

_Minister of Magic_

_Ministry of Magic_

Harry glanced at his new watch. It was already after eight. He would have to hurry. He scanned the crowds for his sister, and found her holding a large tub of popcorn.

"Naria, we have to go to the Ministry!" Harry shouted.

"WHY?"

"My Order of Merlin!" he answered. "Get your dress and meet me in the Entrance Hall!"

He turned to Kuna. "Come along you, we have to get you into decent clothes for once."

Half an hour later – and one terrific fight with Kuna to wear her dress – Harry met up with his younger sister. Harry himself was dressed in a very smart set of dress robes that were the traditional black and white (AN: GOF dress robes). Kuna was looking very unhappily cute in a nice emerald dress with slits in the sides of her legs and a veil on the back. Naria was looking very pretty in a simple dress of deep blue. Harry took his family down to Hogsmeade where he quickly apparated the three of them into the Ministry Atrium with ten minutes to spare. 

"Ah Mr. Potter!" one of the Aurors guarding the entrance said. "Right on time! And here is young Miss Potter and your companion, excellent, follow me."

The ceremony was as boring as Harry expected it to be. Fudge grandstanded, Dumbledore and his family all gave a small speech and Harry was given a neat little medal and some gold. What a complete and utter waste of two hours, two hours that Harry would never get back.

As Harry was about to leave, he was suddenly stopped by Claudius. "Harry, the DFDL needs you on a small mission," he said carefully.

Harry, knowing that he had to commit at least a few times with the League, nodded and gave Kuna the sack of Galleons. "Go back with Dumbledore to Hogwarts you two," he said giving his companion and sister and hug each. "Kuna, put that gold in our room and then, well, do something non-destructive until I get back ok?"

"I will stay with your mother!" Kuna said happily. She bounded off to talk to Mrs. Potter.

"Well congrats brother of mine," Naria said, giving Harry another hug. "Time for you to do what you did best on your world eh?"

She skipped away to Dumbledore and Claudius looked down at Harry. "Your world?" he asked dryly.

Harry laughed. "Oh you know how it is," he said gaily. "My 'world' of fighting evil."

"Riiiight," Claudius said, taking Harry down to the meeting antechamber. To his surprise, Celeste was waiting for him in the dark room.

"Harry," she said with a small smile. "Could have told me you were getting hitched."

Harry laughed nervously. He hoped he didn't make the beautiful vamp angry. "No, not married Celeste, bonded with a nymph," he told her as he sat down.

She raised an eyebrow. "You do get around," she said smoothly. Harry smiled. "Good, then you're still mine then."

"I wasn't aware I was yours," Harry said charmingly.

"Ahem," Claudius coughed politely. Both League members snapped to attention.

"We received a distress call from the French Ministry," he said curtly. "Frankly, some kind of racist group is targeting a well-known and respected political family." 

"And what's so racist about that?" Harry asked curiously. They were French, yes, but that couldn't be the only reason to attack them. Ok well, they were French: that would explain half of it.

"The problem to these racists is that the man, François Delacour has a half-blooded Veela for a wife and has two daughters," Claudius said.

Harry began to grin, and grin widely. "I believe I'm familiar with the eldest daughter," he said. "Her name is Fleur right, former Triwizard champion?"

"Yes, she is," Claudius said. "Excellent, this will make your job much easier then. You will work with Celeste here in simple bodyguard work. If the racist group attack again, then you are to try to apprehend them and bring them to the French Ministry."

"That's what _our_ ministry said," Celeste said dryly. "The French want us to bring them dead or alive, preferably dead."

"You leave in two hours via international portkey," Claudius ordered. "Your school has been informed and someone will be taking over your classes Potter, some man named Black."

"My godfather," Harry said. "Wicked."

"I suggest you prepare and pack some clothes. It may take a few weeks until your mission is completed."

An hour later Harry finished packing his things. He didn't bother with his twin swords of Gryffindor since he could still call them whenever he wanted. Harry had read a few books on inter-dimensional travel but couldn't find much. All that he found useful was that if you were bonded to a magical item when you traveled through dimensions or universes, theoretically those magically items would come with you since you were bonded to them. That explained his world's Gryffindor sword. 

Harry sat in the waiting room with Celeste as the portkey was being made. The sexy half vamp was sitting rather close to him and she seemed to brush his arm every once in a while.

"So what was this whole 'I am your possession' thing about?" Harry asked out of the blue.

Celeste smirked. "Just something to get Claudius hot and bothered over," she smirked, her blue eyes sparkling. "He has wanted me for years."

"Ew Claudius?" Harry said. "His eyebrows are bushy! You could do much better than him!"

"Oh?" Celeste asked curiously, leaning on Harry's arm. "How much better?"

"Harry freaking Potter better, that's what," Harry boasted immaturely. They both broke into laughter.

"You sure are a different one kid," Celeste said fondly. "You don't even care that I'm a vampire."

"You are gorgeous," Harry told Celeste. "I could care less if you were a succubus and you're a great woman with a quirky attitude."

Celeste smiled warmly and licked Harry's neck. "Ooh, you _are_ a keeper," she purred.

Claudius came in moments later to see Celeste practically molesting Harry. He sniffed angrily and thrust the portkey into their hands before stalking away.

"I think we touched a nerve," Harry said as he struggled to keep his tool down.

"Good, he'll leave me alone now," Celeste said. "Now maybe I won't drain him dry," she added wickedly.

They both activated the portkey and arrived several thousand miles away in the Delacour mansion. A handsome dark haired man greeted them, followed by a walking vision of beauty, his Veela wife. 

"_Bonjour mes amis_," François said with his arms wide open. "Ah my vampiress friend, it eez nearing evening here, you need not fear _le solais_."

"Thank you Mr. Delacour."

"_Mon madame,_ Avril," he introduced the stunner. "My children, zey are being 'ome tutored because of ze attacks on my family. _Fleur! Gabrielle!_"

Two beautiful young girls rushed into the room and stood at their father's side respectfully. Harry saw that Fleur was just as beautiful as she was in his universe but surprise, surprise, no Bill Weasley on her arm. _This could be worthwhile…_ Gabrielle of course, being young was simply adorable.

"Zis is _mon_ oldest, Fleur," François said, pushing said girl forward. "She eez nearing 18 years."

"_Bonjour _eet is a pleasure to meet you" she said politely, curtseying to Harry. Harry found this strangely arousing. Maybe it was the generous cleavage that appeared when she bent over slightly. Yeah, that must have been why. He swiftly took her hand and kissed it gently.

"Harry Potter milady, and I assure you," Harry said rubbing her hand softly, "The pleasure is all mine."

Harry, to his triumph, watched as the normally in control quarter-Veela blushed to the roots of her hair. Was he that good? Thinking back, Harry remembered snagging a nymph and contemplating on a vampiress… Yes, he was pretty darned good.

"You are too kind _Monsieur,_" she said, still looking at the ground.

François Delacour looked at the exchange knowingly. "Careful _Monsieur _Potter, you may end up being bonded to _une Veela _wiz her wiles!" he laughed while his daughter flushed guiltily. Yes, you know what's coming up readers.

Gabrielle was next, and she was nine years old. She was so adorable that Harry couldn't help but fuss over her and want to buy her lots of ponies.

"You will be in our guest room," Madam Delacour said airily as she glided down the corridor. "I apologize but our other rooms are occupied with things of François. You do not mind?"

Harry glanced over at Celeste, who had a predatory look on her face as she looked at him hungrily. "Not at all ma'am, _merci_."

Harry was let into the room to unpack while Celeste let out a sexy purr and headed into the shower. Harry plopped down onto the bed and had an epiphany. 

"Good Merlin, I've just realized that I've been given a second chance!" he said in awe. "I don't have to defeat Voldemort! Sure, I'll help bring him down but I'll train Neville up so he can do it. Maybe that's why I'm here, to make sure that Neville did what I was about to do on my world!"

He seriously doubted that was the reason.

Harry thought back on Kuna, and several of the women who seemed to desire him. "Man, this is way more interesting than my relationship with Ginny. Sure, she was pretty and all," Harry thought out loud, "But was I really in love with her? She was feisty, smart and fun, but every woman I've met here is even more so. Man, I can't believe I have my own concubine! Kuna is wonderfully sweet and cute however. Mum seemed to be fine with it after a while though, she's teaching Kuna to be ladylike, impossible it may sound. Plus, I can choose to have a wife anyways, since Kuna's not really married to me. Mum was right, I still can fall in love. What's up with Fleur? I knew this world was different, so it should be no surprise that she's not with Bill. But still, I saw that look on her face after I kissed her hands. Mr. Delacour was right, I should be wary of her and her wiles. Then again, if she bonds to me somehow, it's not my fault again, is it?"

Harry stood up and made his mind. "That's it, after the horrid life I've had before, I deserve to have some happiness in my life!" he announced to the empty room. "And what way to make me happy than to start my own harem of half-human gorgeous consorts? That does it, I'm starting a harem!"

"A harem you say?" Celeste called, coming out of the shower. She was drying her shoulder length hair with a towel. Problem is, that towel probably should have been covering her _completely_ nude body. They weren't joking when they said that lady vamps had no modesty.

Once again, Harry was experiencing the problem of the lack of blood to the brain. "Bloody hell," he managed to gasp. Celeste smirked.

Sauntering up to the totally rigid – in more places than one! – Ex-Boy-Who-Lived, Celeste started to rub her body against his and licked and nipped his neck. "I told you, you're mine Harry Potter," she growled throatily into his ear. "I've marked you as my own."

"How'd you do that?" Harry managed to gasp.

"Oh, take off those dreadful clothes and I'll get right on it."


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11 

_Yet another concubine?_

Harry awoke the next morning with a feeling that was going to be _very_ familiar within the next few years: a sore and aching pelvis. _Ahh, this world rules!_ Harry thought, the phrase becoming his favorite mantra.

Sleeping next to him with an utterly satisfied smirk on her face was Celeste. Her pale skin shone out in the darkness – the drapes were always closed – and she didn't even bother covering herself with the duvet, which made Harry Jr. jump when he saw her naked form lying next to him. Harry sighed in content and decided to snuggle with his half-dead lover.

_So that'll be #2 on my harem_, Harry decided mentally with a grin. _I wonder if I should make a pass at Aurora. She looks like the dominatrix type_. _I could definitely use a kinky girlfriend._

He was awakened by Celeste, who smiled at him goofily, which was even funnier with her long fangs. "Morning loverboy."

"Hey, did you have a good night?" Harry asked slyly. She laughed softly.

"That was the best I've had in nine hundred years!" she said.

"Bloody hell, really?" Harry asked. "Go me!"

Celeste laughed gaily. "Oh you immature pig," she said affectionately, biting him softly on the shoulder. She wouldn't turn him of course, it was much easier for a man to get an erection when his blood actually flowed. Hence the lack of good sex for nine hundred years.

The door to their room swung open and Madam Delacour glided in. "My 'usband wishes to speak wiz you," she said completely at ease with the naked pair in the bed. Then again, Veela were sexual beings. "Come when you are finished getting dressed."

Fifteen minutes later Harry and Celeste appeared in the main hall, where François and his daughters were waiting for them. Fleur was dressed in a very provocative white dress while Gabrielle looked lovable in a frilly blue dress. 

"My daughters wish to go shopping," François told Harry and Celeste. "I would like you to accompany zem while zey are out."

"What about you sir?" Harry ventured. They _were _sent to protect the politician after all, not his daughters.

"I will be in ze 'ouse all day," he said, waving his hand nonchalantly. "Zer are enough guards to keep us safe. Now go, shoo!"

"Why does every adult tell me to shoo?" Harry muttered. He turned to the Veelas. "Ok you two, lead the way!"

"Wait!" Celeste said suddenly. They all turned to her. "I can't last outside in the sun all day!" she protested.

Fleur laughed. "Oh, _pardon moi_," she said kindly. "We will buy you some sunscreen lotion _bon_?"

They all agreed and soon they were out enjoying the last of the summer sun in Paris. Celeste had put on some designer sunscreen with SPF30 protection. She smelt like roses. 

Fleur and Gabrielle went about, tossing money around like high school ruffians tossing TP at a hated teacher's house. That gave Harry a good idea to find out where Snape lived. They usually got massive discounts at muggle stores where they would use their Veela charm to Enthrall the male shopowners and usually walked out with clothes and items bought at ten percent the retail price.

They were enjoying a delicious lunch with red wine – Celeste had blood of course – when Harry sensed a spell being cast in Fleur's direction. Without even thinking, Harry threw himself over the table and took what he found out to be a Cutting curse to his backside as he covered Fleur protectively. Fleur screamed and pulled her wand out, but Harry held her down as he drew his holly wand.

Celeste was already some distance away, cutting what was definitely a death eater into ribbons with her bladed staffs. There were five more death eaters and one was pointing his wand at Celeste's back.

_Incendio!_ Harry thought furiously as a small balestorm of fire erupted from his wand. The death eater screamed horribly as his wand arm was incinerated.

Harry stood up slowly and murderously while muggles screamed and ran all around him. The death eaters advanced. Harry leapt high into the air, aided by his wandless levitation charm and dodged their slew of spells. Fortunately, Fleur dragged her and her sister into the restaurant, away from danger.

Harry landed and holstered his wand. Thrusting both hands out to his sides, Harry summoned the swords of Gryffindor and began his attack. Celeste had been pissed off as well when one of the death eaters sliced off one of her tight leather pant legs and extended her staffs.

Seeing two figures with long, sharp and pointy objects approach them with death in their eyes, the death eaters nearly crapped themselves and they began to cast the killing curse wildly. Harry used the magic in his swords to deflect the easier and slower curses while dodging the rest. Celeste was already half-dead so an AK would do nothing to her but make her dizzy.

Harry had killed two death eaters and Celeste had decapitated another gruesomely. He was looking for the last one when he heard Fleur scream his name. Spinning around, Harry saw the last death eater clutching Fleur in a death grip around her throat while Gabrielle pounded at his chest, to no effect.

"Put down your weapons or the pretty half-breed dies!" the death eater shouted. Harry growled, as did Celeste. "DO IT!" he screamed, digging his wand into her cheek as she sobbed.

Harry yelled in rage as he banished his swords and Celeste tossed her staffs to the ground in disgust. The death eater laughed.

"Fools!" he shouted. "The Dark Lord will always win!"

Harry decided to try something new. As the death nibbler laughed and gloated, Harry focused extremely hard on summoning his sword away from his hand. Harry used his enhanced mental abilities to make the sword appear behind the death eater, who didn't notice it. Gabrielle was much more intelligent than the death eater however, and she nimbly leapt out of the way as Harry silently cast a summoning charm on the sword, which shot towards him – and the death eater – tip first.

The results were spectacular. The death eater was spiked on the sword through his gut, dropping Fleur in a sobbing heap on the ground. The sword – still impaling the death eater – flew towards Harry, who stopped it inches away from impaling himself. He looked coldly into the death eater's eyes, who really did crap himself this time.

"Tell your half-blood bastard lord that his days are soon numbered," Harry hissed. He walked around the death eater. Grasping the pommel of his sword, he yanked it out sharply, causing the man to scream in pain. Celeste merely smirked and ran her finger on the blade, tasting the blood she collected. "Then again, I don't want you dying before you return so…"

Harry grabbed the death eater's left hand and yanked the sleeve up. There, baring itself to the world was the ugly Dark Mark. _I hope this works_.

Harry pressed his wand against the mark and was satisfied when the man screamed in pain. It appeared that the likeliness of his and Voldemort's wands were in more ways than a Priori. The man quickly disappeared as he was apparated to his master's presence.

Harry quickly grabbed Fleur and Celeste picked up Gabrielle before apparating back to the Delacour home.

Voldemort looked on curiously as all of his free death eaters appeared before him. "What is the meaning of thisss?" he hissed. "Why have you appeared before me, my death eaters?" 

One of his men stepped forward, crying out in pain. Voldemort saw the telltale signs of blood on his cloak. "Master," he moaned pitifully.

"Jugson," Voldemort snarled. "Did I not tell you to bring the Veela whore to me? I remember saying that explicitly, yet you return empty handed and wounded! Tell me, how incompetent can you be if you are injured by a Mudblood Veela?"

"Milord it wasn't the Veela!" Jugson gasped, blood seeping from his wounds. "It was – it was that Potter brat, he stabbed me with his blade!"

"WHAT IS POTTER DOING IN PARIS?" Voldemort screamed. "AVADA KEDAVRA!"

Jugson fell over dead, but at least not in pain anymore.

"Fools, the lot of you!" Voldemort spat. "Lucius I want you to hurry up with Azkaban! Avery you pathetic fool, get me that damned prophecy! And someone, _someone_ kill that damned Potter brat!"

Thousands of miles away, Harry set Fleur down in her frilly bed as the girl watched him with wide blue eyes. "_Merci _'Arry," she said softly. 

"It's my job," Harry said, flashing a grin. "Besides, I can't let a beauty like you die, can I now?"

Fleur threw her arms around his neck. "You are wonderful 'Arry Potter," she breathed throatily. "I am jealous of ze vampiress."

Harry laughed. "Who, Celeste?" he asked. "Oh we both know that we're just friends with benefits, although she likes to treat me as if I were her property."

Fleur looked hopeful. "So… She iz not your wife?" she asked nervously.

Harry laughed. "Good heavens no, but I do have a wood nymph as my concubine, or so I'm told."

Fleur wrinkled her nose prettily. "_Une _wood nymph?" she laughed haughtily. "You deserve much better!"

"Like what?" Harry asked suggestively. "A Veela perhaps?"

"Yes!" Fleur said, her cheeks flushed as she watched Harry lounge about her bed, his muscles straining his shirt.

"And I wonder where I could find one of those…"

"'Arry!" she moaned, getting hotter by the second as her instincts consumed her.

"Wonder, wonder, wonder…"

Harry suddenly found himself being pinned down to the bed by a voracious quarter-Veela. "Hello, hello," he said as Fleur panted heavily over him. Her cleavage was threatening to pop out of her tight dress.

"I… want… you!" Fleur growled, grabbing Harry by the hair and yanking his head upwards for a ferocious kiss. Yup, Veela were very sexual beings.

Fleur kept kissing Harry as she somehow gained the strength to rip all of her clothes off. Harry nearly punched a hole through her stomach as he took the sight of her in and with an animalistic growl, she divested our young hero of all his clothes and forcefully took him as her own.

Go Harry.

The next morning Harry awoke with that familiar feeling, but with a little extra: today his pelvis felt as if it had been crushed to a fine powder and his family jewels felt as if they had been squeezed of all knuckle children. Harry groaned and looked to his left. 

There, lying angelically – well if you could call very satisfied with hair all over her face, said face still red and battered body with fluid leaking out of nether regions due to the furious drainage of Harry's tool the previous night as she was pumped full with premium unleaded man fuel 'angelic', then so be it – was Fleur Delacour, with a damned satisfied smirk on her face.

_I suppose that's #3,_ Harry thought with a grin. _Wait until Umbridge hears about this!_

"_Bonjour_," she said sleepily with a smile. "I am yours now."

"What!" Harry gasped in shock. "Oh damnit, not again, magical bond right?"

Fleur nodded sleepily and rubbed the sand out of her eyes with the back of her hands. It was cute. "It was Veela instinct zat took me over last night," she admitted sheepishly. "I am sorry 'Arry, but I could not control myself."

"Bonded again?" Harry moaned. "Good Merlin, I hope mum isn't looking at the tapestry right now."

A few thousand miles away, a red headed woman dropped her coffee and screamed bloody murder at a tapestry and her son. 

"You do not want me?" Fleur asked with a hurt look. 

"Er – that's not it Fleur," Harry said, stroking her cheek. "It's just that… couldn't you _tell_ me that you were going to dominate me last night because of your animalistic urge to bond with me?"

Fleur looked ashamed. "I am truly sorry master," she said.

"Not the bloody 'master' thing again!" Harry groaned. "Tell me, are there any more gorgeous half-human beings that bond like slaves thatI should be worried about?"

Fleur thought for a moment. "I do not think so, but witches wiz a life debt normally bond themselves zat way."

"Good, no witch has a life debt to me here, thank Merlin," Harry sighed in relief. He would remember these words in the future when Karma decided to have revenge on him. "Alright, since I've conveniently picked up another concubine it seems, let me congratulate you on being my second."

"Um, _merci_?" Fleur said. "Ze first is zat –zat _wood nymph_ no?"

"You two better get along, I don't need anyone fighting over me," Harry warned.

Fleur crossed her arms and pouted. "Fine!"

Harry met up with François Delacour later that morning to tell the man that his daughter had bonded with him. "And I had no idea, _no_ idea at all that this was going to happen and it _really_ wasn't my idea or intention Mr. Delacour," Harry finished as the man and his wife listened to him plead his innocence for over an hour. 

"It iz ok 'Arry," Madam Delacour said. "Fleur was in her final maturing stage as a Veela. She would have been very uncontrollable had she not bonded wiz you. I for one am very 'appy that she would bond wiz such a handsome and noble wizard."

"I agree wiz my wife," François said. "Not only have you eliminated ze threat against ze Delacour family, but you have also taken my daughter 'onorably. I give you my full blessing, but I suppose it doesn't count at zis stage eh?"

Harry and Celeste were discharged from duty a week later and the both returned to England. Celeste went her own way, leaving Harry a kiss and promise that they would meet again and Harry was left with his new Veela consort – and her thirty-odd suitcases – standing in the Entrance Hall of Hogwarts.

"Here we go again," Harry sighed.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12 

_Private Lessons_

The reaction to Harry's newest companion was varied. As soon as he and Fleur stepped into the Great Hall, all levels of Hell erupted and Harry could only sigh and shake his head. As expected, viewership in the female demographic dropped seven points while the male side experienced a large increase. Professor McGonagall pursed her lips together so tightly that Harry couldn't tell if her mouth disappeared or not and Aurora was so red in the face it would have been comedic if she didn't look as if she were going to castrate him.

Ron Weasley was pale in the face and started to salivate as Fleur walked by him, and it took the combined efforts of Hermione, Ginny, Naria and a tome about Goblin Wars to keep him seated in his spot on the Gryffindor table (three guesses as to who the tome belonged to). Naria shook her head sadly at Harry and mouthed, _Mum is gonna KILL you!_ Harry only trembled.

Perhaps the funniest reaction was the one from Kuna. She glared daggers at Fleur as she and Harry made their way up to his spot on the table. Dumbledore – every the gentleman – had conjured another chair for Fleur. They sat down, next to Kuna, whose eyes were twitching.

"Who is _she_?" she asked.

The entire Great Hall was silent as they listened for Harry's answer. He sighed pathetically.

"This is Fleur," he muttered. "She pulled a fast one like you did."

Kuna wrinkled her nose cutely. "But you are _mine_!" she protested. "Does this mean I have to share you with _her_?"

"How the bloody hell did you get another one?" Aurora hissed venomously.

"Eet is I 'oo should apologize," Fleur said. "I was in ze midst of my Veela maturation and I could not resist 'Arry."

"She means she practically raped me," Harry mumbled.

"I am sorry master," Fleur said, giving him a hug.

"He's _my_ master too!" Kuna said fiercely, giving Harry a hug on his other side. Harry just groaned as he was sandwiched between two females who insisted on feeding him.

"Hello Harry!" Dumbledore said cheerily as he visited the new group. "Ah, I've seen that you've taken on another companion! Shall I call her -"

"Mistress Fleur," Fleur said proudly.

"Very well, welcome back to Hogwarts Mistress Fleur," Dumbledore said happily. Harry just tried to kill himself with his spoon.

Fortunately for Harry, the next several weeks were peaceful. Well, peaceful aside from the fact that he now shared his bed with two semi-human beauties who acted very much like Alpha wolves fighting over territory. You can guess what the 'territory' was.Every night was pure and utter torture for Harry, and he didn't think that sex would be bad. Yes ladies and gentlemen, sex _can_ be bad. However he did enjoy taking bathes with his consorts, _those_ were at least peaceful. 

His mother had come to visit him as well as his father and his slightly mature friends. To say that the rest of Hogwarts couldn't hear the following tirade of Mrs. Potter would have been like saying that the sun going into supernova wouldn't destroy the planet. It just ain't gonna happen.

However, like before it didn't take long for Lily to realize that her son was – yet again somehow – forced into the situation by Fleur, who apologized again. James was nearly crying in joy when he found out that his son had been ensnared by a beautiful Veela and Sirius was crying too, except that Sirius was crying because he wondered why he couldn't get a girlfriend, let alone a Veela. Remus had to be removed from the room since Fleur's scent drove him wild, the poor wolf.

And so that brings us to Harry, sitting in his room one afternoon as he marked some extra credit essays that Hermione wrote. 

_Why is she so bloody descriptive?_ Harry muttered in his mind. _I could write the exact same thing in one sentence compared to her paragraphs! For God's sake woman, you don't have to explain the history of muggle physical training!_

Becoming fed up with the twenty-odd feet of parchment, Harry just rolled it all together and stamped a big red O on the top. He also mentally made a note to make Hermione his demonstration bitch for the next week of classes.

Getting out of his desk, Harry stretched his arms and back for several minutes as he watched his harem consorts loll around on the bed. It had taken them a while, but Kuna finally realized that Fleur wasn't going to steal Harry away from her and Fleur realized that Kuna was way kinkier than she was. Hence, the sex becoming agonizingly bad.

Harry needed some music. He walked over to his record player – damn Hogwarts and its anti-electricity wards! – and put on a new record. Fleur had gone out last week and bought one of the best muggle non-electric record players in the world. She also bought a bunch of Techno. The girl was weird, but Harry suspected it was her French side.

"Fleur, who the bloody hell names their group 'Newton'?" Harry asked sardonically as he wound the record player up.

"Eet is a new group zat I 'eard of," she replied lazily. "Zey are Mexican, just came out!"

The record player started playing and Harry found himself tapping his foot to the song, it was called 'Streamline' (AN: damn good song, it's the new Pepsi song if you didn't know. However, Newton did come out in 1995 so it all works out. The song is badass, download it!).

Harry heard a knock at his door and called out, "Come in!"

The door opened and he saw Naria, and to his surprise, that Su Li girl from Ravenclaw. "What's up sister of mine?" he asked.

Naria smiled cheerfully and bounded over to him, giving him a hug. "Hey big brother!" she said excitedly. "Su Li wanted to ask you a question!"

Harry turned to the tiny Chinese girl, who blushed. "Uh huh?" he asked.

"I – I was wondering if…" she mumbled, clearly flustered. "If you could – maybe – give me some extra lessons?" She caught a glimpse of Fleur and Kuna lolling about on the bed and turned red.

Harry followed her gaze and gasped, "Miss Li, I assure you that I cannot give you extra lessons in _that_!" he sputtered.

Su Li gaped. "No, no!" she said hurriedly. "I meant lessons in Defense!"

Harry collapsed into a chair. "Oh thank god," he said. "You wouldn't believe the workout I get from those two!" He added, glaring at his lovers, who smiled happily back at him.

"Actually, we were all wondering if you could give us extra Defense lessons," Naria said helpfully. "Umbitch isn't teaching us a thing and we really need some help. We asked Neville to teach us, since he's really good at Defense but he told us to go to you!"

Harry shrugged. Things were turning out differently here. Neville giving up the chance to teach others Defense? That was weird. "I'll think about it," he said, somewhat like in his old dimension. "I already have to give out some private lessons soon so we'll see."

Dumbledore told Harry that now was a good a time as ever to begin Neville's Occlumency lessons. They were to begin straight after the Dueling class.

Naria nodded happily. "Ok then, just get back to us whenever you can!" she said excitedly. "Come on Su!"

Both girls exited Harry's quarters with gleeful looks and Harry turned his 'Techno' back up. Around an hour later, Harry excused himself to go for a walk and find Neville. The boy was having a detention with Umbridge, if Harry remembered correctly.

Harry headed up to Umbridge's office and knocked on the door. Umbridge's disgustingly pub fugly face met his as she opened the door a crack. "Yes?" she simpered. 

"Hello Delores," Harry said, knowing that she despised it whenever he said her first name. "I'm here to take Mr. Longbottom up to see the headmaster."

"And why does the headmaster need Mr. Longbottom?" Umbridge asked sweetly.

"Why do you have four chins?" Harry asked back. "I don't know, nor do I care. Mr. Longbottom, come with me."

Harry pushed the door open easily and Umbridge squawked as she stumbled backwards to prevent herself from falling. Neville looked up at Harry as if he were the Savior himself and grabbed his things quickly.

"Mr. Longbottom is serving a detention with me!" Umbridge spat. "He must stay!"

"Headmaster's orders," Harry said breezily. "I tend to listen to the big man at top, not a fellow teacher Delores, bye, bye!"

Harry quickly tugged Neville out of the office despite the old toad's screeching. Walking swiftly with him, Harry glanced down at Neville's left hand, which was hastily covered up with his sleeve.

"Essance of Murtlap will do it some good," Harry said. Neville looked up at him, shocked.

"I know her methods," Harry grimaced. "Speaking as your teacher and your friend, tell Dumbledore."

Neville seemed to be fighting a personal battle. Finally, he gave Harry a small nod. "Is that why we're seeing him right now?" he asked.

Harry chuckled. "Naw, I just needed an excuse to get you out of there," he admitted as Neville laughed. "But, Dumbledore wants me to arrange some private lessons with you."

Neville raised an eyebrow. "What kind of lessons?" he asked. "Is it about the extra Defense? Naria and Su were supposed to talk to you about that."

Harry nodded. "Yes, they already have, but I'm not talking about those kinds of lessons," he said. "I'm talking about having Occlumency lessons with you."

Neville frowned. "What's Occlumency?" he asked.

"The art of shielding your mind," Harry said quietly as they rounded the bend to the Great Hall. "It'll keep your mind organized, your emotions calm and most importantly, Voldemort out."

Neville could only stare up at Harry in surprise.

"You will come with me after tonight's lesson and we will learn the basics of Occlumency for an hour," Harry said. "You'll probably get back to your dormitory at around eleven at the latest."

Neville swallowed. "Yes sir, I mean Harry," he said.

They made it to the Great Hall where all of Harry's senior students were waiting for him excitedly. "Hello everyone!" he said. 

"Hello Professor!" they all chirped. The only _really_ did this to irk him.

"Tonight we'll be learning about stealth and detection," Harry announced. "Who can tell me what stealth is?"

Dean Thomas raised his hand and Harry picked him. "Stealth is when you're trying to remain hidden from your enemies," he said. "You can sneak around under their noses and not get caught."

"A good explanation, five points to Gryffindor," Harry said. "Been watching those James Bond movies, haven't you Thomas?" he asked as the black boy blushed.

"Alright so we know what stealth is," Harry said as he paced around. "Who can tell me about detection?"

There were murmurs as the students all looked around at eachother. None of them knew what it was.

"Detection is tied in with stealth," a dreamy voice drifted from the back. Everyone cleared away to show Luna Lovegood. She continued, "Detection determines whether or not you are seen or caught. There are many ways to utilize stealth so you can remain undetected."

Harry stared at her for several moments. "Uh, five points to Ravenclaw," he finally said. "…Thanks Miss Lovegood."

He shook his head and headed to the front of the crowd. "Now, the headmaster has kindly allowed me to teach you resourceful Auror spells and techniques," he said amidst cheers. "Of course you are not to mention this to a certain Defense teacher, right?"

"NO WAY!" they all cheered.

"Right then, here's the first spell," Harry said, drawing his wand. "This may be a bit harder for you non-NEWT students since it's a non-verbal spell."

Harry tapped himself on the head lightly and felt as if he had smashed an egg on it. Cold trickles traveled down his body until he was nearly invisible, but more like camouflaged.

The crowd gasped and clapped at Harry's trick. "This is the Disillusionment charm," Harry said. "As you can see, it makes my body like a chameleons', taking on the color and light density of my surroundings. You can see that I'm not completely invisible, but undetectable enough not to be seen."

Harry dispelled the charm and looked at the excited students. "There is no verbal incantation, nor wand movement," he said to Hermione's disappointment. "All you do is tap the top of your head and think really hard about being invisible and Disillusioned."

Harry set the students off in different housed pairs to try the charm out. Many of the imaginative students got it right after a few tries, but the logical and literal students like the Ravenclaws (minus Luna) and Hermione couldn't get it at all. 

"Alright, that's enough," Harry said loudly. Perhaps he should have tried something easier. "Please dispel yourselves. All you have to do is think the exact opposite while tapping your head."

A few minutes later every student was visible again. "Need I remind you that this charm is not a toy to be played with," Harry warned. "I can spot a Disillusioned person a hundred feet away, so if I see any of you using the charm and doing something bad, I will drop your arse in detention for two months and take two hundred house points off, understood?"

Everyone said they did, but Fred and George looked understandably upset. "Now since some of you couldn't get the spell," Harry made a point to look directly at Hermione, who flushed, "You will have to write a paragraph on the charm and its theory. I expect it to be handed in by next Tuesday's lesson and that you can perform the spell then."

Moving along, Harry introduced the next spell, which was easy. "Now not many people would consider this a stealth spell, but I found out its uses in my travels," Harry said. He pointed his wand at his feet. "_Silencio_!" he said loudly so they could all hear. Next, Harry began to jog around the room, without making the slightest noise. He stopped back at the front and dispelled his feet.

"Can anyone tell me why the Silencing charm is useful for remaining undetected?" he asked.

Malfoy raised his hand. He had taken a liking to Harry's class and to the dimensional traveler's surprise, wasn't reporting to his father after a mental sweep. "Silencing your feet will let you move around without making a noise, so your enemies can't hear you," he said.

"Very good, five points to Slytherin," Harry said. "Now for a little test."

Hermione perked up.

"You will all get into a line and I will test you one at a time on how you use these two spells," Harry said. "Use the Disillusionment charm if you can, and the Silencing charm as well. If you can make it past me, you will get an O on your test. If not, then a fail."

Some students gasped. "But sir, isn't a fail a little harsh?" Hermione asked.

Harry looked harshly at her. "Miss Granger, if you fail in real life, you die," he said. "Do you want to fail?"

She squeaked and shook her head. "No," she whispered.

"Jolly good, let's begin," Harry said. "You will have fifteen minutes each. I understand that we don't have enough time tonight, so only those who can use both spells perfectly will be tested."

The students who could perform the Disillusionment charm formed a line. There were only about twenty of them. Ron – to Harry's surprise – was first in line. 

"Alright, just a few pointers before we begin," Harry said. "I will be transfiguring most of the furniture here into obstacles and hills and the like. You have a fifteen minute time limit; however speed is not your goal. Your goal is to remain _undetected_ until you reach the other side. You are _allowed to take your time_. If you're close to being detected, lay down still near as much cover as you can since the charm will work even better if you're motionless. So, are you ready Weasley?"

Ron nodded confidently and quickly cast the charms on himself. Harry quickly transfigured many chairs and desks into hills, rocks, walls and fake grass and bushes. He then turned around to face the finish side.

"Whenever you are ready Mr. Weasley," he said. "I will turn around in two seconds. One… Two."

Harry turned around and scanned the area. Ron was pretty good. Harry couldn't seem to spot him so he must have been using plenty of cover. Still, when Ron was halfway across with four minutes to spare, Harry caught sight of the displaced air around Ron's body and fired a _Revealo_ spell at him, ending the test.

"Don't worry about failing, you may retake the test next week if you choose," Harry said.

One by one, the students were tested. So far only Luna, Naria, Roger Davies, Malfoy, Daphne Greengrass, Susan Bones and Alicia Spinnet passed. Neville was the last to go.

Everyone waited excitedly for the Boy-Who-Lived to go up against the Teacher-Who-Ruled. Harry gave Neville his two seconds and began scanning.

Neville was going as slow as possible to avoid being caught. He had crawled on his stomach behind a hill so that the professor wouldn't see him. Unlike the other students, Neville cast a Silencing charm on every part of his body except for his mouth. Many of the others had been caught when they dropped on their stomachs and made noise with their hands. Neville slowly crawled up to a rock that was about three feet high and peeked around. He waited about two minutes before the professor turned around and made a mad crawling-dash to a crumbling wall. Pressing up behind it, he was very lucky when the professor snapped his head around. Breathing as quietly as possible, Neville stuck his head to the ground and looked around the corner. Thankfully, the professor hadn't seen him. Looking around, Neville scanned for the safest spot to go to next. His eyes landed on a run-down fruit cart. _Wow, he's got some good Transfiguration skills_, Neville thought. As slowly as possible, and without many quick movements, Neville made his way over to the fruit cart. He had just made it under when the clock Harry conjured showed that he had twelve minutes left. 

Waiting for another opportune time, Neville was about to crawl over to a tuft of grass when the professor raised his wand into the air and released a large cloud of green sparks. Thanking his lucky stars, Neville tucked as much of his body under the cart while the sparks rained around him, not showing his position thanks to his roof. The professor looked understandably disappointed and started to move around, making it trickier for Neville. Neville waited until the professor was some distance away before scrambling towards the tuft of grass. Crawling in quickly, Neville realized his mistake. As soon as he entered the grass, it swayed and moved so much that he knew he would be seen. Rolling rapidly, Neville managed to fall into a hill and rolled about ten feet away, just as a Revealing spell hit the tuft of grass, making it explode.

Thanking his fortune again, Neville found out that he had five minutes left and about twenty feet to go. Looking around for a good spot, Neville began to crawl as fast as a snail to a big rock. Keeping his eyes on the professor, Neville saw that the professor was heading towards the tuft of grass he had previously occupied. Neville froze as the professor squatted down to the ground and began to track the trail he left in the grass. Moving a little bit quicker now, Neville left the grassy knoll and to a flat clearing of normal stone floor. He managed to get behind the rock just in time when the professor stopped about ten feet away. The finish point was also mere feet away.

Now was the time to run like a demon. Getting up quickly, Neville sprinted towards the finish line and his hand just barely touched the wall when he was hit by a spell.

Harry was obviously proud that Neville had done so well. "It looks like I found you right when you finished Longbottom," he said to the now visible boy. "Congratulations, you passed the test and twenty points to Gryffindor for excellent use of the terrain." 

Harry dismissed his giddy class but asked Neville to stay behind. Neville knew what was going on of course and after helping the professor clean up the Great Hall, they left for Harry's quarters.

Both of Harry's consorts were fast asleep in his bed, surprisingly cuddling up with eachother. Harry suspected that they were trying to get whatever comfort they could since he wasn't there. Harry quietly led Neville into his spare room where he had set up a desk and two chairs. Harry sat in one and Neville in the other.

"Alright," Harry said quietly. "I've told you the basics of learning Occlumency, you know, to organize and protect your mind."

Neville nodded. "Against Voldemort, right?" he asked.

Harry said, "Yes because Voldemort has just realized that he can use your connection through your scar to send you visions, and maybe even possess you."

Here, Neville looked terrified. "That is why you're learning Occlumency," Harry said quickly. "Once you become proficient in it, Voldemort will be no problem. You understand the importance of learning Occlumency, right?"

Neville said, "Yes sir."

"Ok, what I want you to do tonight is to try to get yourself calm," Harry said soothingly. "Let go of your emotions, try not to feel hate, fear, and anxiety and so on. Can you do this?"

Neville had his eyes closed and was breathing deeply and slowly. "Yes sir," he murmured.

"Very good Nev," Harry said quietly. "Do not think of what you did today, keep your thoughts clear, and only think of right now, which is nothing."

Neville barely nodded.

"I want you to picture your mind," Harry said, using the technique he had taught himself. "I can't tell you what it looks like, but you will know."

"It's – it's like a silver ball," Neville murmured. "It's big!"

Harry smiled. That was quick. "Alright, now I want you to picture building a brick wall around it, can you do that Neville?"

"I think so."

"Do it slowly Neville," Harry prodded. "Brick by brick, one by one. Imagine laying down the cement, placing the brick around it, one by one."

"Like… building a house?" Neville asked dreamily.

"Yes."

It was nearly an hour later when Neville said, "I did it! A brick dome around my silver ball!" 

"Very good Neville," Harry said supportively. "You can go back to normal now."

Neville's eyes cleared and he flushed as he grinned lopsidedly at Harry. "That was amazing!" he gushed. "I've never felt so calm and carefree!"

"That's Occlumency for you," Harry said. "That was very good for your first try!"

Harry turned stern. "But just like in real life, a brick wall won't stop someone powerful," Harry warned. "Tomorrow we'll work on building another wall of defense around your mind, like steel. However, I'd like to test your shield before you leave."

"How will you do that?" Neville asked, still calm.

"It's the opposite of Occlumency, Legillimency," Harry explained. "Legillimency is the art of breaking into someone's mind. I'm going to enter softly and hard alright?"

Neville nodded nervously and Harry pointed his wand at the boy. "Legillimens," he murmured softly.

Neville's brick wall was very well made, with hardly any faults or cracks. Harry nudged a few sections of it and it held wonderfully, to his satisfaction. He gently pulled out.

"That was me entering your mind softly," Harry said to Neville, who was shaking the cobwebs out of your head. "Even your brick dome prevented me from entering, but Voldemort will be a lot stronger than that."

"Do it sir," Neville said, taking a deep breath.

Harry pointed his wand at Neville's head again. "Legillimens!" he said strongly.

This time, Harry's probe smashed through a part of Neville's dome like it was a wet paper bag. Harry quickly drew out as he saw Neville reel in his chair.

"Sorry about that, here," Harry said, giving the boy a Butterbeer. "As you can see, we have a lot of work to do."

Neville took a deep chug and nodded as he gasped. "That hurt!" he said. "That's how it's going to feel every time Voldemort tries to get in?"

Harry nodded tersely. "Fortunately, you'll have a little early warning," he said, pointing to Neville's scar. "Since the connection is through your scar, it will begin to burn and hurt a few seconds before he will attack. If you can manage to build your shields up during those precious few seconds, you'll be able to hold him off hopefully."

"I'll do my best sir," Neville said determinedly.

"Very good, now you may return to your dorm," Harry said, writing a hall pass. "Before you go to bed, I want you to rebuild your brick dome alright?"

"Yes sir!" Neville said.

"Afterwards, clear your mind before you go to bed," Harry continued. "And I want a good suggestion for your next layer of shielding tomorrow night, got it?"

Neville nodded cheerfully and then left Harry's rooms tiredly.

Harry took a quick shower and then changed into his flannel pajama pants before crawling into bed. Fleur and Kuna instantly latched onto him unconsciously and their warm and soft bodies put him to the dreamland almost straight away.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13 

_The inspection_

Several weeks later saw many good things. Harry's concubines had learned to properly share Harry, which meant the end of his ménage a trois, thank god. Now, his procreation reserves could properly refill themselves.

Another good thing was how Neville was progressing in Occlumency. The boy was now able to form a shiny steel dome around his brick wall. Harry currently had the BWL working on making a dome of lightning around the steel dome.

Naria had found Harry's old rapier, and demanded fencing lessons. Fleur had looked at the sword oddly when she saw it, but didn't comment on it. Harry was now teaching his little sister and her friends fencing and swordplay in his spare Defense classroom as an extra credit unit. When Harry gave Naria this universe's Gryffindor sword, it turned into a much smaller dual-edged sword to the girl's surprise. She didn't feel like using it however, and told Harry to keep it since she adored his rapier.

Harry's mother had finally gotten used to his consorts and would have them over at Godric's Hollow for the mornings as they gossiped and did womanly stuff. James, Sirius and Remus were all doing some missions for the Order and dropped letters off occasionally.

Harry's Dueling classes were getting even more advanced now. His seniors had mastered most of the stealth and detection techniques, and Harry would sometime attack them randomly to see how good their dodging was. His classes were now the most eagerly anticipated classes of the year, and the students loved that they always earned big points every lesson. Even the Slytherins loved his classes, although Harry was careful not to teach anything that some of the future death eaters might use against them.

Umbridge had still been made High Inquisitor of the school by the Ministry. She was currently performing her 'inspections' on the classes and had already reduced Trelawny to tears and made Hagrid look like an oaf. Harry was next up for inspection after McGonagall.

Thankfully, Harry hadn't run into any more magical females although he had gone out and bought a magical detector for Veela, nymphs and Succubi just to make sure. The man at the store laughed at Harry for buying such a thing until Fleur and Kuna walked in and promptly attached themselves to his arms.

Kuna had become pregnant to Harry's surprise. Ok, he wasn't _really_ surprised, what with all the unprotected sex, but he was sort of happy nonetheless. His mother shrieked happily when she found out that she was going to be a grandmother. The baby was likely to be due sometime in July, which made Harry happy for obvious reasons. Fleur, however, only sniffed and swore to get herself pregnant as well, so Harry had learned some prophylactic charms to prevent that from happening. Naria was just excited to become an aunt, and would surely spoil the child rotten.

It was late into the evening when Harry held his Dueling class. Umbridge was going to make a surprise inspection tonight but thankfully Harry had gleaned it from her mind earlier that morning. 

"Ok class, listen up quickly!" he told his seniors. "The _High Inquisitor_ herself is going to be inspecting our class soon!"

Many of his students gasped as they hoped their favorite teacher wouldn't be taken away. Harry had planned ahead, fortunately.

"So we're going to fall back people, I repeat: Fall Back!" Harry warned. "We'll be using textbook spells and _no advanced_ stuff in front of Umbridge, got it?"

Everyone, including the Slytherins nodded. Even they didn't want Umbridge – despite half of them being on the Inquisitorial Squad (Blaise was a spy) – to find out what they had learned. Slytherin sneakiness, remember.

Harry began the lesson by summoning the dueling platform again. He brought five tables into the Great Hall just when Umbridge came in.

"Ah Professor Potter," she simpered disgustingly. "I hope you don't mind my unannounced inspection? I forgot to give you your notice, how silly of me!"

"Yes," Harry said. "Silly. Silly indeed."

"You may continue," she said, brandishing her clipboard and quill.

"Right then!" Harry shouted, scaring the toad. "Smith, Goldstein, up and center!"

Zacharias Smith and Anthony Goldstein calmly and professionally got up onto the dueling platform. They stood in front of eachother patiently as they awaited their orders.

"Clean spells, no curses and until one is incapacitated, understood?" Harry asked and they both nodded. "Very well then, bow!"

Both of them bowed down low and turned on the heel before taking ten paces. They quickly spun around and began to duel.

"_Furunculous!_" Anthony shouted.

"_Protego!_" Zach countered. "_Incarcerous!_"

Anthony conjured a flimsy stone wall that took the spell and crouched down to miss the rest of it. "_Flippendo!_"

Zach was flipped upside-down in mid-air as he quickly started to cast the counter-spell. "_Finite Incantatum!_" he said and landed neatly on the ground, only to have to roll out of Anthony's Disarming spell.

Zach finally won the duel with a will aimed tickling hex before he disarmed and petrified Anthony.

They seemed to smirk at the Inquisitor as she angrily began to scribble down nothing but good words about the class so far. It was impossible, there was nothing wrong with the class! As each duel went on and on, she became more frustrated when she saw that Potter's classes were to the Ministry guidelines to the _Tee_!

As the duels finally ended, Harry got up on the stage and called for attention. "Alright I'm very proud of all of you!" he said to their polite clapping. "I wouldn't be surprised if all of you received an Outstanding on your Defense OWLs and NEWTs!"

More clapping, this time a little louder.

"Now, tonight as a treat for Christmas, I've asked our good Potions Professor Snape to have an exhibition duel with me!"

"OOOOH!" they all cheered while Umbridge winced.

Snape walked into the Great Hall in all of his billowing glory and calmly took the stage opposite to Harry. "Thank you Professor Snape for volunteering!" Harry said to the sneering man. "Don't worry, I'm not a complete dunderhead like Lockhart was."

They both bowed respectfully to eachother and took their ten paces. Harry quickly jumped, levitated and corkscrew dodged Snape's Disarming charms and when he landed fired off two _Relashio_ curses. 

Snape calmly sneered, "_Protego!_" and blocked the curses as he said, "_Reducto!_"

Harry just flicked the blasting hex away and fired off two Body Binds. Snape's shield shattered under the first one and he was bound for a few seconds before he fought it off and angrily fired a temporary blinding curse at Harry. Harry did a Matrix dodge and leapt to the side to let the curse sail over his side and fired off a disarming charm, blasting hex, Jelly-Legs jinx and petrification hex as he slide dangerously near the side end of the table.

Snape was surprised to see that many spells heading towards him and shouted "_Protego Maximo!_" which thankfully absorbed all of them. He fired off a Bludgeoning curse at Harry, who was still sliding to the side in hopes to knock him off the platform and win.

Harry slid and managed to avoid being hit by the curse and when he reached the end of the platform he grasped it with both hands and used his momentum to swing 180 degrees back onto the platform. Leaping up, Harry fired a plethora of curses, hexes and jinxes which caught Snape totally off guard since he couldn't read Harry's mind.

Snape disappeared in a big _POOF!_ of smoke and when it all cleared the audience saw him trussed up like a pig and frozen completely while he was surrounded by floating, revolving daggers. Harry quickly dispelled his curses and Snape lowered to the ground softly, staring daggers at Harry the entire time. Harry turned to his students.

"As you can see, that's a pretty competitive duel," Harry said. "You can expect most formal duels to be something like that. How about a round of applause for Professor Snape?"

The students – even the Gryffindors applauded politely, which made the Potions Master raise his eyebrow, but he nonetheless bowed. "Thank you for an interesting duel Potter," he said silkily. "I would enjoy another one in the… near future?"

"Sure," Harry said. _You'll get yours Snape._ Snape then left to a standing ovation from his Slytherins.

The Great Hall's bell rang and Harry quickly dismissed his students before walking up to Umbridge. "What do you think?" he asked.

She sneered up at him. "You class followed Ministry guidelines to the letter Potter," she sniffed angrily. "I see nothing wrong with your class, good night!"

She stormed out of the Great Hall, leaving Harry to laugh uproariously as he exclaimed over and over again, "Man, what a bitch."


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14 

_Christmas at Godric's Hollow_

Despite all of Harry's machinations, some things still went accordingly to his old universe. During the Gryffindor/Slytherin match, Neville, Fred and George beat the living crap out of Malfoy – the boy was only respectful to Harry, no one else – and were banned from Quiddich by Umbridge. Fred and George began to furiously create many of their Wheezes and were making a lot of profit to Hermione's dismay.

Umbridge still terrorized the school, but she could do nothing to Harry because his classes were perfect whenever she was around. The blasted woman couldn't figure out how every surprise inspection she sprang on the young professor he would conduct his classes perfectly. Harry could only snort as he scanned the vile woman's mind almost daily to find out what she was up to. About 80 percent of her thoughts were about blind fanaticism concerning Fudge and anti-magical beings.

Neville was progressing very nicely on his Occlumency, and had now added an Earth and Fire shield to his brick, steel and lightning. To Harry's delight one session, he ran into a picket fence with a sign that read _No Dark Lords Allowed!_

Still, despite Neville's wonderful progress, he still experienced burning pain every once in a while. Tonight, for instance.

Harry was awakened from his slumber by a furious pounding on his door. Groaning quietly, Harry removed the mess of arms, legs and breasts from his body and crept out of bed so his companions wouldn't be bothered. Heading to the door briskly, he muttered, "You better have a damn good reason for waking me up – Ron?"

Ron was on the other side of Harry's door, looking frantic. "Professor Harry!" he gasped. "Neville's had a terrible turn!"

Harry followed Ron quickly to the Gryffindor boys' dorm and found Neville on his bed, panting hard and sickly pale. The other boys were surrounding him worriedly.

"Neville!" Harry exclaimed, rushing up to the poor boy's side. "Nightmare?"

"I couldn't see much," Neville said. "Just flashes!"

"Your shields are holding, good," Harry said briskly. He had a feeling about what had happened. "What could you make out?"

Neville shook his head and tried to remember. "Uh – slithering," he said. "Then a bunch of blurs… Mr. Weasley sleeping in a chair…" his eyes widened. "I saw Mr. Weasley being attacked!"

"My dad?" Ron gasped. Harry leapt into action.

"Dean, Seamus, get Professor McGonagall or the headmaster," he ordered. "Ron, you stay here and make sure Neville is comfortable, Dobby!"

A house-elf appeared and Harry saw his old demented friend wearing tea cozies. "Yes Mr. Potter sir?" he squeaked.

"Could you please get Mr. Longbottom here something soothing like tea to drink and some calming draught from Professor Snape?" Harry asked the elf, who nodded and disappeared with a crack.

"Ron, I'm going to get your sister and hopefully be back when everyone else is here, ok?" Ron nodded dumbly as he attempted to pry some information from his friend.

Harry quickly headed down to the common room and then to the entrance to the girls' dormitory stairs. "Professor Harry James Potter, requesting access due to emergency!" he said and the stairs hummed. Racing up the stairs, Harry hurried into the fourth year dorms and threw the door open. 

The six girls awoke and screamed when they saw a boy in their room. They desperately tried to cover themselves up – why, Harry had no idea since they were in full nighties – but he sought out Ginny and Naria.

"Miss Weasley, there's been a family emergency, come with me," He said briskly. "You too Naria." Ginny nodded silently, eyes wide as she pulled her night cloak on and followed him out of the room. Naria followed wordlessly, recognizing the hard look in Harry's now-forest-green eyes. Harry went up another flight of stairs to the fifth year dorms and opened another door.

After some more screams – Pavarti threw a book at him – Harry collected Hermione as well and made his way back down. Heading back to the boys' dorms, Harry was greeted by Dumbledore, McGonagall, Fred and George and everyone else.

"Mr. Longbottom has told me of what has occurred," Dumbledore told Harry. "Thank you for your quick action, we have sent some of our people – including your father – to find Arthur."

Neville was feeling slightly better and he sipped his tea contemplatively. Harry was feeling restless. "How about we head off then?" he asked. "I can't think of a better reason to leave early for the hols."

Dumbledore nodded grimly. "I would normally send you Weasleys to The Burrow, but alas, it is under watch from the Ministry," he said regretfully. "Professor Potter, I hope you don't mind but your mother volunteered Godric's Hollow for temporary board?"

Harry shook his head. "No problem," he said. "The more the merrier. Come on you guys, hurry and pack before Umbridge finds out."

As Dumbledore headed back to his office to check his devices, Harry hurried back to his quarters and alerted his consorts as they grumpily awoke. Half an hour later they were all packed and Harry sent his women through the floo in his room ahead of him.

Harry was exiting his room when Aurora poked her head out of hers. "What's all the fuss?" she asked worriedly, clutching her gown to herself. Harry shook his head. 

"Big problems," he sighed. "Got to round up the Weasleys and herd them to my place."

"What happened?" she gasped, following Harry as he hurried to Gryffindor Tower. Harry noticed that her nightgown was _very_ sheer – _Ha, kinky, I was right!_ – and gave her his robe, which she thankfully took.

"I'm not sure if I can tell you…" Harry said worriedly.

"I'm in the Order," she said tightly. Harry smiled.

"Ah, alright then," he said. "Arthur's been attacked, Neville saw it in a vision and we're taking everyone to Godric's Hollow because it isn't safe."

"Oh my," Aurora said tearfully. "Arthur's such a nice man! It's a shame he left Hogwarts before I came."

They made it to the tower just in time to find everyone ready to go. Dumbledore quickly sent Neville and the others all packed and ready to go.

"Uh oh, Umbridge is on her way here!" Ron warned, looking at the Marauder's map.

"My room!" Harry said quickly. "It's out of her way and she'd catch us if we used your office Dumbledore."

Dumbledore nodded sharply. "Make haste!" he said, "I'll stall her as much as I can!"

They quickly shrunk the teenagers' trunks and rushed off to Harry's rooms. One by one, Harry shouted "Godric's Hollow!" and haphazardly threw each teen into the fire. Hearing footsteps outside of his door and sensing Umbridge's foul mind, Harry quickly dove into the fire and cut the connection.

Harry tumbled dangerously out of the fireplace at his home and landed in a crouch, looking around. Everyone was in the living room, looking scared out of their minds. 

"Everyone get here alright?" Harry asked his mother.

"Yes, Kuna and Fleur are in your room unpacking," she said as she gave him a big hug. "We're going to have a full Christmas," she added with a small smile towards the guests.

"Bet you wished we had more than five rooms, don't you?" Harry whispered. He turned to the students. "Alright you lot, we don't have much room so you'll be bunking together," he said loudly. "Nev, Ron, twins, you'll take one room while the girls can share one and, well, we'll figure out your parents later."

Mrs. Weasley arrived a short while later and all the Weasleys had a tearful reunion as they learned of their father's condition. Harry made sure his consorts were fine and asleep before heading downstairs.

"He's been taken to St. Mungos," Mrs. Weasley said with a tear. "We can't visit him yet."

"What?" Fred shouted. "He's our dad and we can't even see him?"

"Sit down Fred," Harry said warningly as the red head glared at him. "Fred sitting or bound, I don't really care."

"But our dad might be dying all along out there!" Fred shouted.

"We want to see him!" George yelled, putting his two cents in.

"You will, but not now," Harry snapped. "He'll be fine, we can't have his children barging into the hospital not minutes after it's been discovered that he's been attacked can we?"

He stared hard at the twins. "Do you know how suspicious that would look?" he finished.

The twins fought to regain control of themselves and finally collapsed back into the couch in defeat. Harry wandlessly summoned a bunch of Butterbeers, taking a page out of Sirius' book.

"Molly, we'll most likely be able to visit him tomorrow morning," Harry said to Mrs. Weasley, who nodded. "Your husband will be fine. Worry about your children, don't let them stay up too late."

Harry left the Weasleys to their own devices before heading up to one of the spare rooms the boys were in. Inside, he found Neville pacing back and forth, wearing a hole in the ground as he muttered to himself. 

"Stay where you are," Harry said, remembering Dumbledore's then-cryptic note. Neville stopped.

"What do you mean?" he asked desperately. "What if I was the one -"

"Neville, use some logic here," Harry sighed, sitting down on the bed. "What did you see in your vision?"

Neville looked down on the floor. "Myself as a snake, attacking Mr. Weasley," he whispered.

Harry nodded. "Alright, and to your recollection, have you ever turned into a snake?"

Neville shook his head. "I'm a Parselmouth though!" he protested.

"Last time I checked, you don't turn into a snake even if you are," Harry said. "Alright, so answer me this then: How could you have transported yourself hundreds of kilometers to London then?"

"I don't know, maybe I apparated?" Neville offered weakly.

"Can't, Hogwarts wards," Harry said. "Even still, I doubt you could have done all that and come back during that timespan. Ron said that you were tossing and turning in your bed for quite a while before you woke up."

Harry got up and looked at Neville. "Last question," he said. "What kind of pet does Voldemort have?"

Neville thought for a moment before collapsing in relief. "Nagini!" he breathed. "I should have known!"

Harry nodded sagely. "Voldemort can control his snake through possession," he said. "Quit worrying yourself over nothing."

The next day, everyone went to visit Arthur, who was doing fine despite his wounds not healing. He thanked Neville profusely for saving his life and everyone felt a little better afterwards. They later found out that Umbridge had gone into a rage when they disappeared and laughed it all off. 

Christmas that year was very merry, as Harry had forestalled any pathetic self-pity that Neville would have had and they had a wonderful time. Lily was very pleased with having the house full for Christmas and with the help of Sirius and Molly, she decorated the bejesus out of it. Harry swore that their electrical bill was going to be godly from all of the lights she strung up.

Christmas morning was a cheerful affair, with the children opening their presents happily. Harry noted that they all received exactly what he and his old friends had gotten back in his universe, right down to Hermione's homework planners.

Harry himself had gotten his younger friends a boatload of presents as well. So far he had made just about 1300 Galleons as he taught at Hogwarts, and another 200 from the DFDL for working for the Delacours. That was a lot of gold, since all of his combined presents cost him just under a hundred-fifty Galleons and eight Sickles.

Harry had gotten Neville a new watch, since the boy's old watch was destroyed last year in the Second Task. It had a built in dark detector that vibrated whenever someone untrustworthy was nearby. Harry then gave Hermione a twenty Galleon gift certificate to Flourish and Blotts, since the Hermione from his world had loved it. From the hugs she gave him, this Hermione loved it as well. Ron had been given new dragonhide Keeper gloves since he was Gryffindor's Keeper. Ginny had been given a note, as had Naria. Fred and George had been given Harry's old handbook of pranks and ideas that he had written for the two in his old universe.

Noting Ginny and Naria's curious glances, he mouthed, _later_.

Harry gave his mother an expensive book on Greek Runes which she adored. His father had been given a dragon scale wand holster, which he appreciated very much. Sirius was given a similar holster and Remus had received some rare Defense books.

Mr. and Mrs. Weasley – even though her husband was absent – were given many fanciful things that were for their home. Mrs. Weasley thanked Harry warmly. Aurora had gotten a nice gold telescope, which she took with a giddy grin. Harry's consorts were promised a shopping spree for baby clothes.

Harry, of course, had been given a bunch of presents as well. His parents had gotten him a fancy black dragon scale jacket, which looked a lot like his old one, but offered much more magical protection. Sirius and Remus had gotten him an impressive book collection of very nasty curses that had a note inside that read: _Teach them to the kids, but don't let Molly or Lily find out!_ Mrs. Weasley made him a nice jumper, which he put on and laughed as his muscles stretched it out. Aurora had given him a thoughtful gift of bath salts and scents, since she knew he sometimes got stiff and sore after classes.

Of course there was plenty of candy and Butterbeer. They had a wonderful turkey dinner later that day and Ginny and Naria kept shooting Harry anxious looks until he whispered to them, "Later tonight." He knew they would love their presents. Ok, he paid more than 150 Galleons total, but he wasn't going to tell them that.

Nearing lunchtime, Harry was surprised by another present from his parents. Outside in the carhold was a brand new car! 

Luckily, Harry had been taught by Hermione how to drive some time back, so he was in good luck. James and Sirius had chosen the car, and had gone slightly overboard.

"Bloody hell you got me an Aston Martin?" Harry gasped as he looked at the V8 beast that was parked in front of him. It was in a shiny metallic green color that nearly matched his eyes. Go figure dad. Beside the sports car was a family van, most likely for the – uh – well – family.

Lily sniffed indignantly as she looked the car over. "Honestly, this is almost as bad as Sirius' bike!" she said. "I suppose it's charmed as well?" she asked, noting the guilty looks from her husband and friends. "I knew it! What have you done with it?"

James looked sheepish. "Nothing to extensive poppet," he said reassuringly. "Just some Impervious charms on the windows and fenders and a very tricky everlasting charm on the petrol tank, honest!"

Lily turned and glared at Sirius. "Alright, alright!" he cried out. "We used magic to short circuit the speed limiter! Don't kill me, it was James' idea!"

James looked betrayed. "You filthy traitor!" he cried, getting into a romp with his best friend.

Several minutes later, everyone piled into their vehicles – Harry's Aston Martin was a four-seater, so he took his consorts and Aurora – and drove to St. Mungos. Lily's Honda van had been magically enlarged, and instead of fitting eight people, it fit twenty comfortably, so it was a pleasant ride. Fleur insisted on putting some 'Dragostea Din Tei', some crazy Romanian techno song. Harry was fed up with the repeated "Numa Numa yay" by the end of the ride that he chucked the CD out of the window. 

The visit with Arthur was pleasant, and Harry and the others quickly went to look for tea when Mrs. Weasley found out about the stitches. They ran into Lockhart again, and Naria had a great time teasing Harry about having almost the exact same life the fraud had. Except, well, Harry's endeavors were real of course. Actually, wait, no they weren't, damnit!

They finally came back to Godric's Hollow for their last night of vacation. Harry – seeing that everyone was distracted – motioned for Naria and Ginny to follow him. They quietly went up to his room where he went deep into his closet, pulling out two long boxes.

"Out of your interesting little group who took my fencing lessons, you two were the best," Harry told the girls, who went red with the praise. "So instead of using those god-awful hunks of metal that you've been practicing with, I've gotten you your own swords!"

Ginny and Naria squealed and grabbed the offered boxes from Harry's hands. Tearing them open with a ferocity that Harry expected from a pack of ravenous Hippogriffs, the girls shrieked happily as they removed their new rapiers.

Naria was given a beautiful silver rapier with a slightly thicker blade. It came with an intricately designed scabbard that had vinal designs running across the entire length. The basket on the pommel was also a vinal design. The back of the pommel/handle held a knut-sized diamond in four prongs.

Ginny's sword matched her personality perfectly. Harry had gotten her a half gold half silver rapier with a narrow blade that was made for lightning quick jabs. The scabbard had a beautiful flamed pattern and the basket was a golden fireball. Ginny's tail gem was a fiery ruby, held in with three prongs.

"Oh my goodness, this is wonderful!" Naria cried, launching herself onto her brother. "These must have cost a fortune!"

"I can't take this, it's too much!" Ginny sadly said, looking at her sword with a look that resembled a mother giving up her child. Harry shook his head.

"I don't think so, if you don't take it I'll give it to Malfoy!" Harry threatened and Ginny smiled softly.

"Thank you," she said, finally beginning to blush furiously when she realized who had gotten her what.

"I expect you to practice as much as you can!" Harry said crisply. "Oh, don't tell your mothers either, I'm walking on eggshells around her as it is!"

Ginny laughed. "Just don't get ensnared by any beautiful women you!" she giggled and he groaned.

Later that night, a few Order members came in and out of the house, including Tonks, Shacklebolt and Snape, who left a message. 

"The headmaster has asked me to pass along this message," he said in his oily voice to Neville and Harry. "Since Longbottom's Occlumency lessons have been going well, it is time for the headmaster to take over. Your skills are no longer required Potter."

"No problem," Harry said, glad to finally have some free time.

"The headmaster expects you in his office six o'clock Monday evening Longbottom, good night."


	15. Chapter 15

The beginning is dedicated to **mriddler** for his work! Go read "Secret of the Male Veela", it's great and pretty smutty. Oh yeah, if you're reading this mriddler, PM me back with a funny response to the letter.

Chapter 15 

_!Celeste vs. Aurora?_

The next morning found Harry Potter writing a letter at his desk.

_Dear Mr. mriddler,_

_Hello, my name is Harry Potter. Lately I've been having a problem with gorgeous women throwing themselves at me. At first I thought it was because of my natural handsomeness but now I think it is much more than that. I am writing you because you have written a book called 'The Secret of a Male Veela' and I was wondering that maybe I am a male Veela myself? Please get back to me because I don't know how many more bonded concubines I can endure before my mother explodes._

_Sincerely,_

_Harry James Potter_

Satisfied with the letter, Harry quickly sent it off to the Owlery so that it could be mailed as soon as possible.

The next few weeks showed many new developments. Kuna was becoming wonderfully chubby in the stomach and was proudly strutting around saying "_I'm_ carrying Master's _baby_!" 

Neville and the others had updated Harry on what was going on. Not much had happened, other than the escaped death eaters from Azkaban. Neville seemed particularly worried about this but Harry reassured the young boy that nothing bad would happen just yet. Neville was pretty detached about the escape news, but Harry figured that it was because his parents hadn't been tortured by the Lestranges here. Then again, they were dead so it wasn't really that good.

Hagrid had come back sometime when Harry wasn't paying attention. He had discreetly called Neville and his friends to meet him at his hut later that week. Harry suspected that the half-giant was going to show off his full-giant brother Grawp.

Bode was killed yet again by Devil's Snare, Hermione ran off to find Rita Skeeter and make Neville do an interview. Hagrid or Trelawny were just begging for a sacking soon and Hogsmeade had finally arrived.

"So where are you going again?" Harry asked his sister on Valentine's day. Naria blushed as she applied her lip gloss. 

"Neville's taking me out to Hogsmeade," she said unashamedly. "And I won't have an overprotective inter-dimensional super brother ruining my fun!"

Harry held his hands up in his defense. "Hey, it's all chipper with me!" he said. "Just don't go to Madam Puddifoot's or get upset when Hermione drags him away ok?"

Naria glanced at him. "Bad outcome?" she asked.

"Oh yeah."

"Right, thanks," she said briskly, fussing with the collar of her deep blue turtleneck again. "Do I look proper?" she asked.

"Yes?" Harry ventured.

"But not _too_ proper, right?" she asked desperately.

"Bloody hell Nar," Harry moaned. "What other questions can I answer that will make you feel better?"

"Do these jeans make my legs look long? Are these colors good? Do I clash? Is my make-up too dollish? Does this bra boost my cleavage?"

"I'm your BROTHER, WOMAN!"

She pouted. "So?" she asked. "I just need professional advice, oh great concubine owner!"

Harry groaned. "Fine," he said. "Your legs look long in those jeans, I'd suggest wearing blue earrings instead of purple, none of your clothes clash, your make-up is nice and simple and your bust size is fine."

Naria leapt up and give her brother a sisterly peck on the cheek. "Thanks big brother, see ya!"

"Tell Neville that no matter how noble he is, he'd better keep his hands off you!" Harry hollered at her retreating figure.

Harry sighed. Now he knew exactly why Ron was so protective over Ginny. Speaking of which, he'd better go patrol Hogsmeade just in case something bad happened. Nothing happened in his world, but better safe than sorry.

Kuna and Fleur had taken the day off to visit his mother and decorate the baby room that was being furnished by Harry. Harry dressed himself warmly in a nice navy blue turtleneck and his ever famous baggy black jeans. He unclasped the fake locket and threaded it through his belt loops however, making it rest on his hip in a rather interesting fashion. Grabbing his dragon scale jacket, he left his rooms only to run into Aurora. 

"Hey there!" she said brightly. Too brightly. It was slightly suspicious. She was even suspiciously dressed warmly as if she were going out and Harry was pretty suspicious of how she was peeking out of her door to see if he were coming that way as well.

"Hey, what's up Aurora?" Harry asked. "Heading off to Hogsmeade?"

She nodded enthusiastically. "Yes!" she said. "Are you going to? Hey, why don't we go together, so we can patrol?"

_Aha!_ Harry thought with a smirk. "Sure, why not?" he said, still smirking. "Shall we?"

He held out his arm and she giggled as she looped her own through it. Walking swiftly out of the school, they grabbed a carriage and rode in a comfortable silence to Hogsmeade.

"So what're the kids up to today?" Aurora asked curiously.

"Naria's on a _date_ with Neville," Harry said with distaste in his mouth. Sure, he was a good kid but Harry had to be a nosy brother. "Hermione's off finding some reporter and Ron's with some Quiddich fans. Oh, and Ginny's probably getting her freak on with Michael Corner."

"That weedy looking fellow?" Aurora said with distaste. "She's such a pretty girl, she could do much better than him!"

"Don't worry, if I happenchance find them snogging, I'll throw him in the Shrieking Shack on a full moon," Harry said reassuringly, but Aurora just looked confused.

They walked around Hogsmeade, enjoying their time together as they kept an eye out. On almost all of the shops' windows were pictures of the Azkaban escapees and they leered out at everyone. 

"Can't believe Fudge is such a dunderhead," Aurora said with a frown. "That escape just means more work for us!"

"I agree," Harry said. "I'm gonna hate hunting these guys down again."

"I'm sure it'd be no problem for _you_ Mr. Dark Force Defense League," Aurora said with a sexy smile.

"Probably not, eh partner?" a seductive voice said from behind. Harry turned and saw Celeste to his happy surprise.

"Celeste!" he said, crossing over and giving her a hug. "What are you doing here? What are you doing in sunlight actually?"

Celeste grinned, and Aurora gasped when she saw the fangs. "Sunscreen baby, love it," she answered. "I was in town and decided to see what you were up to on Valentine's Day."

Harry then remembered Aurora. He brought the slightly apprehensive Astronomy teacher and introduced the ladies to eachother.

"Aurora this is Celeste," he said. "Celeste, this is Aurora, Hogwarts' Astronomy teacher."

Both women gave eachother thin smiles and promptly aligned themselves at Harry's sides. "So _Celeste_, what do you do for a living?" Aurora asked sweetly. "Probably run a blood bank," she muttered under her breath.

"I'm in the League," Celeste said without batting an eyelash. "Harry's partner."

"Oh really," Aurora said with a frown. "Well, you take care of yourself then, don't let that _sunscreen_ go out sweetie."

"Don't worry about it," Celeste said with a dangerous smile as they passed the Hog's Head. "You just worry about locking your windows at night."

"Harry!" Aurora said, desperate to ignore the vampiress. "What's this I hear about that Ravenclaw girl Su Li fancying you?"

Harry had zoned out up until that last comment. "Su Li?" he asked. "Oh yeah, fifth year. Yeah I heard that too."

Aurora pinched his arm hard. "And here I remember you saying that you don't fraternize with students!" she scolded.

"Please Aurora," Harry said arrogantly. "Do you know how young and tiny Miss Li is? I'd probably split the poor girl in half!"

"Confident, aren't we?" Aurora asked sarcastically while rolling her eyes.

Harry looked insulted. "Celeste, do I have a good reason to be confident?" he asked.

Celeste purred loudly as she pawed at his arm. "A _huge_ reason," she purred. "My Harry's _very_ confident darling."

Aurora fumed. "_Your_ Harry?" she hissed as they entered Madam Puddifoot's to Harry's horror. "What, did you Ensnare him as well?"

Celeste sniffed as they unconsciously guided themselves to a booth. "I think not," she said disdainfully. "I prefer my men _live_ thank you very much."

"So he's not yours then!" Aurora said triumphantly, ordering a Gillyweed pint.

"I've marked him as my own," Celeste shot back, ordering blood rum.

"Firewhiskey," Harry sighed. "Ogden's Finest, whole bottle."

_Half an hour later…_

"You half-dead slut!" Aurora snarled as she yanked Harry over to her side of the bed. They had argued the entire trip during Hogsmeade and had somehow ended back at Harry's quarters. "You probably don't even fancy Harry, you just want him as a shag buddy!"

"Excuse me!" Celeste snapped, her grip on Harry's thigh painful. Harry himself was piss drunk. "I'll have you know that Harry is the first human that's even shown me any affection and doesn't even _care_ that I'm a vampire!"

"He can't marry you!" Aurora spat happily. "You're considered a magical creature to the Ministry!"

"Only in Britain," Celeste said smugly.

"Can' we all jushh geg alog?" Harry slurred. "Yeh can both be in muh har – ha – hara – oh godsh I'm gonna be shick."

Harry dashed off to the loo and began to empty the contents of his stomach, which were precisely twenty-six ounces of Ogden's Finest Firewhiskey. He wiped his lips and staggered out to his bedroom, where both women were on the verge of erupting into what would probably be a very sexy catfight.

"I met him long before you Fangs!" Aurora shouted.

"I shagged him rotten!" Celeste screeched. "Can you say that?"

"Harry, get over here!" Aurora screamed.

"Hell no!" Harry sputtered, trying to run out of the room.

Aurora caught him after two strides and yanked him over to the bed. "I'll show you what shagging really means you wretched wench!" she yelled.

The next morning Harry awoke to that familiar feeling again. The added bonus this time were the bites, burn marks, welts from whipping and slightly bruised wrists from handcuffs. Aurora really was a kinky woman. The bites, of course, were from Celeste, who had joined in after agonizingly watching Aurora's exploits for ten minutes. _Ahem, this world rules!_

_I wonder how big harems are,_ Harry thought to himself. _Four doesn't seem to be that much, but then again these four are uncontrollable as it is! Maybe four is enough_.

Aurora groaned and cracked her eyes open. Spotting Harry she smirked evilly. "How was that?" she asked cockily.

Harry gave her a weary look. "Two words Aurora," he mumbled. "Rug burn."

"HAH!" she shouted victoriously, waking up Celeste, who was on the other side.

"Mmm," she purred, licking Harry's wounds. "That was undeniably kinky."

"You don't have any… magical bonding contracts, do you?" Harry worriedly asked the half-vamp.

"No, we vampires aren't like that."

"Thank Merlin!"

"So now what happens?" Aurora asked, bunching the sheets up in her fists. "I mean, I'm definitely not enslaving myself out or anything but I do fancy you quite a lot."

Harry shrugged, stretching his aching muscles. "Well you could join my harem," he suggested.

Aurora looked gob-smacked. "No bloody way, you have a harem?" she asked in disbelief.

"Thought of it in France," Harry said. "However, is there something I have to do to make it official or anything?"

Aurora shrugged. "I don't know, maybe you should check the ministry?" she said. "I'm not really sure about this though."

"Why not?" Harry asked.

"I don't fancy the idea of sharing you like a man-slag," Aurora said with her nose turned up.

Celeste smiled smugly. "More for me!" she sang cheerily, sinking her fingernails into Harry's muscle.

Aurora looked panicked. "But I can get used to it!" she said quickly. "Besides, the old pureblood families would always have a wife and mistress, why not?"

"So it's settled then?" Harry asked, pushing an ass-paddle off the bed. "Good, then I'm going to write up a contract of some sorts, to make it official."

"Wicked!" Aurora said, cracking her whip, making Harry flinch horribly. "A harem, it's been a while since I've seen one, let alone be in one!"

After having an exciting bath with his new harem consorts, Harry, Aurora and Celeste went down to the Great Hall, where his two concubines and a suspiciously new chair awaited him. 

"'Oo iz zis?" Fleur asked suspiciously as the three sat down.

"MINE!" Kuna shrieked.

Dumbledore made his way over again. "Hello Harry, and congratulations yet again!" he cried happily.

"Good heavens, _again_?" McGonagall sputtered. "Have mercy on your mother dear boy!"

"Dumbledore, you remember Celeste from the DFDL," Harry said and the old man smiled happily. "And Aurora of course."

"Ah yes, I could never get that fraternization between faculty rule passed," Dumbledore said wistfully. "Just think of how many professional marriages could have been prevented."

"Harry!" Naria said as she came up shaking her head. "What the bloody hell is wrong with you? Two more! You wait until mom hears about this!"

"Fine, but then I'll tell her what you and Neville were doing at Madam Puddifoot's," Harry announced smugly.

Naria blushed beet red and Neville tried to disappear under the Gryffindor table.

"I mean seriously, wasn't there a need for oxygen?" Harry continued. "Or were you both breathing through your noses?"

"HARRY!" Naria shrieked, smacking him hard. "DON'T YOU DARE TELL MUM!"

"I won't tell if you don't," Harry said all too smugly. Naria nodded and bolted back to her table, getting mobbed immediately by Lavender and Pavarti. Snape stalked up to Harry.

"Well Potter," he spat. "Are you so hormonal that you cannot slake your lust with just a nymph or a Veela? Must you take those two as well? I never thought you'd sink so low as to whore yourself four women."

Harry conjured a leather glove. Snape stared at it with a raised eyebrow just before Harry slapped him with it.

"Why you cad!" Harry said furiously. "Are you just jealous that I'm snagging all of the hot ones since you obviously lack the physical and emotional attraction needed to get a girlfriend? Unlike you, my balls have firmly dropped and I appreciate the company of the fairer sex, which leads me to question your sexual preference. Judging by how you favor your little Slytherin kiddies, it's quite apparent that you prefer your partners young, male and virile you fanny bandit!"

Harry left Snape standing there in complete and total shock as he stormed out with his ensemble of female cohorts. It took Dumbledore nearly all of breakfast to contain the laughter that consumed the school, but there were still giggles and grins during the day, especially during Potions.


	16. Chapter 16

Only one chapter today, I'm heading out for the rest of the night. You'll like this one though. And I've posted the letter response from Mrriddler, a _real_ response he sent me after I sent him mine. Hahaha, I love how he helped me out, saved a lot of work from writing some BS of my own. Plus, his gave me the idea for this chapter, so thanks Mrriddler!

Chapter 16 

_Incubi and succubus_

_To the noble Harry J. Potter,_

_There are no less than six sentient male life forms which fit what you described; polyseraphims, incubus, exulted incubus, satyrs, alpha-satyrs, and the most illustrious of them all, the male veela. _

_All of them are sometimes generalized as being 'god's gift to the female sex'. But only one, one who is without equal in power, magical finesse and sexual prowess, is said also to be the 'devil's gift' as well. That is, of course, the male veela._

_A simple test exists to separate the 'one' from the rest of the wannabe male veela. _

_On the 3rd night of the new moon...When veela at the peak of their mating season gather from the four corners of the Earth at the Everglade of Evermoor... Prostrate your naked self at their tender mercies..._

_If you live, then indeed, you are the blessed (and cursed) one,_

_If not, I wish you the very best on your next great adventure._

_Best regard,_

_High Lord Mrriddler_

Harry groaned as he finished reading the letter. "Bloody hell!" he grumbled, reading the instructions. "I highly doubt that I'm a Veela, wouldn't you say Fleur?"

The beautiful French girl nodded. "You don't 'ave ze scent," she affirmed. "And I doubt zat you would survive a Veela, let alone ten zouzand Veela during ze mating season."

Harry nodded thankfully. "Alright then, what about polyseraphims?" he asked.

"You lack six wings."

"Umm, satyr?"

"Unless you are hiding a pair of goat legs, zen _non_."

"Incubus?"

Fleur actually looked thoughtful. "Zere could be a chance, perhaps," she said.

Harry spun around in shock. "What?"

Fleur shrugged. "Obviously you would not be a pure incubus," she explained. "Or you would 'ave been out taking many girls in order to gain energy. You some'ow fit ze description of _un_ incubus… Dark, 'andsome and very sexual."

Harry frowned. Why the hell wasn't he told this in his previous universe? _Maybe no one knew about it, _he reasoned. He frowned again. _That doesn't explain how I never really forced myself on Hermione when we were traveling, despite her best attempts, that kinky librarian. Er, moving along..._

Fleur, as if sensing Harry's conflicting emotions, sweetly said, "You are more 'uman than incubus _mon cherie_. If you are even part-incubus at all, your 'uman emotions would 'ave prevented such a thing from 'appening."

"Is there a test or anything that would determine whether or not I'm an incubus?" Harry asked.

Kuna and Fleur looked at eachother nervously. "Well…" the Veela said nervously.

"Out with it!"

"Zere is a curse," Fleur said regrettably. "Eet is used by women to repel incubus much like a Patronus charm. But eet would hurt…" she finished, her French accent prominent in her fear of hurting her master.

Harry sighed and put on a determined look. "Do it."

Fleur looked almost self-loathing as she raised her wand at her lover and future-father of her children. "_Incubi Evanesco!_" she shouted.

Harry grimaced hard as the spell impacted, sending him flying into the far wall and into a world of hurt.

"MASTER!" two horrified women screamed. Fleur and Kuna ran over – the latter slightly slower due to her added weight – to Harry and helped him up.

Harry was blue in the face and wheezing hard as he struggled to regain his breath. "Bloody hell!" he choked out. "Is it… supposed to… hurt that much?"

Fleur sobbed into his shoulder, wrenching his shirt in her fists. "Oh 'ow can I be so cruel?" she wept. "I'm so sorry master!"

Kuna began to force feed some herbs and leaves into Harry's mouth. "Eat these up," she commanded quite seriously – totally opposite of her normally cheerfully cute self. "They'll make you feel better!"

"What's going on?" Aurora's voice floated into the room. She spied Harry on the floor, surrounded by two distraught girls. "What the bloody hell?"

"Hey Aurora," Harry coughed, feeling slightly better thanks to the remedy. "Guess what, turns out I'm part incubus."

Aurora raised an eyebrow as she knelt next to him. "That would explain the sex and harem," she said thoughtfully, effectively shutting down any thoughts of plot holes and the like from way-too perspective readers. "How did you find out?"

"Incubus banishing curse," Fleur sobbed. "I'm sorry!"

"Don't worry about it," Harry said, hacking a bit from the curse. "All's well and we got our answer right?"

"How can you be part incubus?" Aurora asked as she straightened his clothes. "I mean, wouldn't everyone notice something, or at least something from your parents?"

Harry shot up to his feet. "Parents, that's right!" he said excitedly. "I remember hearing that my dad was always the charmer when he was at Hogwarts!"

Aurora nodded. "When I started Hogwarts, James and Lily had stayed a short while to teach before she got pregnant with you," she said. "The older girls would always seem to want to stay away and follow him at the same time."

"Yeah, Sirius said dad used to be a playboy before he settled down with mum," Harry said thoughtfully. "Wait a second, incubus' can change into succubus' at will can't they?"

"Only pure incubus' can," Fleur said.

"What about Naria, what does this make her?" Harry asked. "I mean if my dad is half-incubus let's say, does that make her part succubus?"

"Per'aps," Fleur said. "We really must talk to your fazur."

Twenty minutes later they arrived at the Ministry of Magic. 

"Welcome to the Ministry of Magic," the cool female voice said as they bunched together comfortably in the phonebooth. "Please state your names and business."

"Harry Potter, his mistresses Kuna and Fleur Delacour and Aurora Sinastra, here to visit James Potter," Harry said, sighing as he had to describe his concubines.

Four badges popped out and they attached them to their clothes. "All visitors are to submit their wands for inspection in the main atrium," the voice droned. "Have a nice day at the Ministry!"

Harry and the others passed through inspection easily and headed to the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, where his father worked. Making their way through ministry workers who gawked at the entourage he had, Harry quickly found his father working through a stack of paperwork.

"Harry my boy!" James said cheerfully, immediately forgetting about the papers. "What brings you and – Aurora, what are you doing here with Harry?"

Harry laughed nervously and scratched the back of his head. "Yeah, about that…" he said.

James only shook his head. "Well, at least you can marry this one," he said with an amused snort. "Whatever happened to that vampiress babe?"

Harry – if possible – looked even more frazzled. "Yeah, about that…" he chuckled again and James rolled his eyes.

"Wait till your mother hears about this," he said sternly, but with a sparkle in his eye. "Well I doubt you've come all the way over here to announce you've picked up another girlfriend son, so what's up?"

"Are you part incubus?" Harry blurted out quietly. James looked at his son.

"I really don't think so," he said, frowning.

"Is mum part succubus then?" Harry pressed. James just laughed hilariously.

"If she was, that'd explain a lot," he said, wiping a few tears from his eyes. "But no, your mother is genuine human, why are you asking?"

Harry looked at his father warily. "Because this morning Fleur performed an incubus banishing curse at me and it hurt like a herd of Hippogriffs gone mad," he said dryly.

James looked shocked. "But – but how can this be?" he sputtered. "My dad would've told me! I can't be an incubus."

"_Incubi Evansco,_" Fleur said lazily, pointing her wand at James.

"YEEEEOOOWCH!" James hollered as he landed into his pile of paperwork.

Ten minutes later, after they had reassured all of the Aurors in the buildings that James had merely tripped and fell, Harry and his girls sat down with his father in the cafeteria. James looked incredibly depressed. 

"Is this why I've been so good with women all my life?" he moaned. "Because I'm part sex god?"

"Actually, male Veela are called sex gods," Fleur said helpfully. "You are just irresistible."

James groaned. "What if Lily never married me for _me_ then?" he cried. "Have I been deceiving her all of these years? Oh Merlin I'm such a horrible man!"

Harry conjured a leather glove which he promptly used to slap his father, which looked highly comical. "Get a hold of yourself man!" he said briskly. "I assure you that mum loves you just as much as you love her. Quit moping."

James cheered up after the slap. "I suppose you're right Prongslet," he said happily. "She never did have that googly-eyed look my other girlfriends had. Although that one girl Mandy knew how to work her mouth a lot better… And that thing she did with her tongue, oh man!"

"Dad!" Harry gasped, disgusted. "One more word and I'll tell mum!"

"You wouldn't dare blackmail your father!" James sputtered in horror, realizing his slip up. "Your old man!"

"It'll cost you," Harry said. "It'll cost you… Twenty professional Snitches."

James slumped his shoulders in defeat. How could he compete with his son's sneakiness and cunning? It was almost as if Harry were Slytherin, laughable as how that sounded. … Yeah…

"Why Snitches?" Aurora asked. "I'd ask him for something way better!"

"I have a plan with the Snitches," Harry said mysteriously. "One that involves razor wire and revolving blades!"

"Don't want to know," Kuna said cutely, eating some ketchup coated chocolate syrup dipped vanilla ice cream with dill pickle chips embedded and sparkles. Cravings, gotta love 'em.

"Good god, what does this make Naria then?" James gasped. "She could be part succubus!"

"Explains why Neville's so intent on sucking her face off," Harry mumbled.

"Is there a spell that -"

"_Succubi Evanesco_," Fleur said breezily. Harry narrowed his eyes suspiciously at her extensive knowledge of blasting away lesser sexual beings. "What, zey are competition!"

An hour later Harry and his girls arrived back at Hogwarts, with a box full of expensive Golden Snitches and a desire to find his sister. 

"Hey Naria!" Harry said brightly as he and his gaggle of girlfriends walked up to her. Too brightly…

"What d'you want?" Naria asked suspiciously.

"Oh nothing, I just wanted to know how you were doing with your fencing and – _Succubi Evanesco_!" Harry shouted, whipping his wand out at his sister, who shrieked.

The curse pounded into Naria's tight little body – speaking from the author's POV of course, since Harry's not into incest stuff like that – and she screeched painfully as she collapsed into the Ravenclaw table.

"AHA I KNEW IT!" James shouted, whipping his invisibly cloak off as he danced around in triumph while his daughter lay on the ground, moaning. "She got it from me as well!"

Unfortunately for the Potter men, Lily had brought it upon herself to visit her good friends at Hogwarts and had seen the entire thing.

"HARRY AND JAMES POTTER!" she screamed as she stormed up from out of nowhere. "WHAT ARE YOU, OUT OF YOUR MINDS? HOW DARE YOU CURSE YOUR OWN DAUGHTER AND SISTER, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO? HONESTLY, I TURN MY EYES AWAY FOR AN INSTANT AND YOU'VE GOTTEN YOURSELVES INTO TROUBLE! THAT DOES IT, NO QUIDDICH FOR YOU JAMES!"

"Lily-Flower!" James gasped, looking as if he had been hit by a neutering charm.

"AND NO NAMING YOUR OWN BABY HARRY!"

"Mum!" Harry gasped as if he'd, well, you get the point.

Lily seemed to calm down enough to speak in a normal tone of voice, however the majority of the teachers and students refused to come out from under their tables. "Now what brought on this madness?"

"This morning I found out I was an incubus, or at least part incubus," Harry said quickly. "Then we visited dad and found out I got it from him so we wanted to see if Naria inherited the female version from dad, and it turns out she's a succubus."

"NO SHIT SHERLOCK!" Naria screamed as she was helped up by her friends. "HONESTLY, YOU COULD HAVE ASKED OR SOMETHING!"

Lily looked devastated. "James William Potter, are you meaning to tell me that our children are hormonally charged sex machines?" she hissed to her husband. "And this is all _your_ fault?"

James winced and gulped. "I didn't know about it until today poppet!" he said defensively.

"Don't you 'poppet' me!" Lily snarled. She whirled around to face her children. "Well, I suppose I can't blame you for your sexual endeavors," she grumbled resignedly.

"What sexual endeavors?" Naria asked quickly - a little too quickly -with a huge blush. "I have no idea-"

"Really?" Harry interrupted excitedly. "Good, because I have some news for you mum, just remember what you said about not blaming and everything ok?"

Hagrid – while visiting with his slightly violent brother Grawp – could have sworn he heard Lily Potter's voice from where he was in the forest. But that was impossible, she was all the way at home, and why would she be shouting "HAREM" anyways?


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17 

_He-Who-Can't-Get-It-Up_

"Lucius!" a serpentine voice hissed as he impatiently sat on his throne of human skulls and fingernails. Don't even ask about the fingernails.

"Yes milord," said the ultra-platinum blond male-bimbo as he crawled forward and kissed the hem of Voldemort's robes.

"You, my conniving friend, have satisfied Lord Voldemort tremendously with the successful evacuation and re-integration of Azkaban's most psychotic and belligerent psychopaths and sadistic megalomaniacs and soul-ensnaring Dementors!" Voldemort said silkily.

Lucius, who had no idea how to pronounce half the words the Dark Lord said, let alone understand them, merely answered, "I thank you milord."

"Now, what of Bellatrix?" Voldemort said softly.

"I'm afraid that she has gone slightly mad from exposure to Dementors milord."

"I already knew that!" Voldemort snapped, putting his maggot under the Cruciatus curse for several minutes. "How long until she is fertile enough to bear me an heir?"

Lucius managed to contain his whimpers. "Serverus Snape's potions should have her prime within the week milord," he gasped. "However… have you fixed your – ahem – problem milord?"

Voldemort merely snarled. "Silence you fool!" he roared, gripping his wand tightly. "That matter will be handled with soon enough."

"Milord, if I may suggest a quick solution…"

Voldemort hissed as Nagini coiled around his feet. "What?"

"There is this muggle pill I've heard about, it is called Viagra -"

"_CRUCIO!_" Voldemort bellowed at the top of his lungs. "How dare you even _think_ about muggle remedies! Consider yourself lucky that I am not in a punishing mood tonight Lucius, or your usefulness would have surely been compromised!"

"I beg your forgiveness milord!" Lucius whimpered.

"Now get out!"

Lucius quickly stumbled out of the room, leaving the Dark Tosser to contemplate his thoughts. _Muggle enhancements, honestly!_ Voldemort thought darkly. _Who does he take me for, Dolohov? Although the idea does have merit if I still cannot fix my… problem._

Dropping his trousers, Voldemort tried very hard to imagine a nude Bellatrix Lestrange. His efforts were moot however, since the image of a highly anorexic and emaciated purple eyed woman entered his mind and despite his best efforts he couldn't even get a feeble twitch from his once-trusted tool.

_Snape better get Bella back to prime condition,_ he thought angrily. _Speaking of Snape, there he is!_

Voldemort quickly pulled his trousers up just as Snape entered the room silently, bowing respectfully.

"What news have you, Serverus?" Voldemort asked silkily.

"Milord, Bellatrix is recuperating nicely," Snape said smoothly. "I suspect another six days until she is back to peak physical shape."

"Like her _teenage years_, I hope?" Voldemort asked with a hiss.

"But of course, milord."

"You have pleased me Serverus, well done," Voldemort said, happy that he had some _good_ news for once. "Any news of the Potter brat?"

"Yes milord, there was a disturbance in the Great Hall today, involving the Potters," Snape said quickly. "It appears that the arrogant fool Potter senior is half incubus."

Voldemort raised his eyebrow. "Is that so?" he asked.

"Yes, and his disgusting offspring also appear to have inherited his – talents."

"That would make sense, what with that brat having so many concubines," Voldemort spat bitterly. Why did all the women flock to the good guys? "Serverus, do you have a potion of some sort that can assist my… problem?"

Serverus winced harshly under his mask. He never, ever wanted to hear about his master's _problem_ again. "Forgive me milord, but there are only love potions," he said. "However Lucius has told me about this muggle -"

"CRUCIO!" Voldemort screamed. "I'm surrounded by imbeciles!" he shouted while Snape lay writhing on the floor. "Curses, why does that Potter brat have all of the luck?"

Voldemort suddenly had an epiphany. The Potter brat, that's right! "Serverus, call that blundering idiot known as Lucius back!"

Snape staggered out of the room and brought Malfoy back in, both very frightened.

"Lucius, I have a task for you!" Voldemort spat. "You will arrange for your worthless whore of a son and his cronies to capture Professor Potter and bring him to me!"

"Yes milord."

"He is to be alive and perfectly unharmed!" Voldemort warned. "Any scratch on his body and you will suffer a thousand plagues!"

"Ye – yes milord."

"Begone! I want Potter here in six days!" Voldemort shouted, booting the blond out of the room. Snape looked at his master curiously.

"Six days, milord?"

"Crucio," Voldemort said almost cheerfully. "Never question me Serverus. Is it not obvious? In six days Bellatrix will look like her teenage years, albeit nearly thirty-five of course and I need an heir. Loathe am I to admit, all those years of power increasing rituals have left me rather sterile and – ahem – limper than a wet noodle."

"Yes milord," Serverus gagged. He would be in dire need of a memory charm afterwards.

"So, what better way than to capture the highly virile Harry Potter and use his powerful seed in a union with dear Bella? Why, the child would be unstoppable! And it would be mine, _mine_ to control and shape into my unstoppable heir, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Serverus chuckled nervously with his master, all the while thinking, _Good Merlin I've got to warn the Order! After a drink that is… Yes a nice _long_ drink…_

Suffice to say, when Snape returned to Hogwarts several hours later, he drank so much Firewhiskey and got pissed that he forgot the entire thing by the next morning.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18 

_Registration and sterilization_

"Welcome to the Ministry of Magic," said the cool female voice. "Please state your names and purpose."

"Harry Potter, mistresses Kuna and Fleur Delacour, Aurora Sinastra and Celeste," Harry said cheerfully. "Here to – uh – register a harem?"

"Please take the visitor's badges and affix them to your robes," the voice said.

Harry took them out of the phone and passed them around. Taking a look at his, it read, _Harry Potter, Harem registration_.

"What d'you know," he said softly as he pinned it on.

A few moments later they entered the atrium and had their things inspected. Celeste, who had just joined the group had to give up her staffs as non-magical weapons weren't allowed near the departments, ministry employee or not.

"Well I'll be, hello there Harry!"

Harry turned around and grinned as Arthur Weasley came over, smiling nicely. "Hello Mr. Weasley," Harry said.

Arthur looked at Aurora and Celeste. "Another two?" he asked in disdain, though you could hear the humor in his voice. "I'm surprised Aurora is taking this so well, from what Lily told me there should have been handbags at dawn."

Harry was plussed. "Don't you mean pistols?" he asked.

Arthur just smiled. "Harry, Harry," he chided. "They are women."

"Right," Harry said as his consorts glared at the unsuspecting Weasley head. "We came here if there was anything we needed to do about harems."

"A harem?" Arthur asked in surprise. "Good heavens boy, I'd suggest staying away from Molly for a fortnight then. She absolutely despises organized concubines you know, dead set against them, she doesn't realize that in some countries it's a way of life – ever been to Japan? I've had the pleasure of meeting a Geisha once, totally opposite of what I'd imagined, more high class entertainer than concubine you know – oh and you know the Patil twins? Their father, Sandeep has two concubines along with his wife so it's perfectly ok -"

"Ahem." Harry raised his eyebrow.

Arthur blushed. "Right, harem registration office, please head up to Marriages and Relations, level four," he said. "Ask for a man named Rosencrantz – he's a rightannoying bugger, really, but he'll get the work done."

"Right, thanks Mr. Weasley!" Harry said and gave the man a one-armed hug before leaving with his highly bored ladies.

They entered the fourth level and asked around for Rosencrantz. A nice clerk pointed them towards a rather laid-back cubicle with tons of – ahem – provocative calendars. 

"Mr. Rosencrantz?" Harry asked as a man who looked about twenty-five turned around. "I'm Harry Potter, here to talk about a harem registration?"

Rosencrantz smiled a little lecherously. "Ah, Mr. Potter I've heard about your relations in the _Prophet_!" he said a bit pompously. "A nymph, a Veela, a vampire – oh my – and a Hogwarts professor, good job kid!"

"Uh – thanks," Harry said with a frown. What a weirdo. "So… the forms?"

"Ah yes, here they are," Rosencrantz said happily, withdrawing a stack of papers from his drawer with a wave of his wand. "Your standard form for multiple companions, including harems, consorts, concubines and surprise slave bonds."

Harry quirked an eyebrow. "You've thought these through," he commented.

Rosencrantz grinned toothily. "Why of course Mr. Potter," he said. "What with all these women throwing themselves at wizards such as yourself, one needs to have all the precautions."

"No doubt," Harry said dryly as he and his women went through the paperwork. Perhaps they should have just left it.

Rosencrantz suddenly looked hungry. Leaning over to Harry, he asked, "So mate, going after any more?"

Harry shook his head forcefully. "I would hope not," he said dryly. "These four are enough as it is."

Rosencrantz just shook his head. "Ah Harry, if I were you I'd get all I could!" he said grandly with a wave at his half-naked witch posters. "Wouldn't you love to get your hands on a succubus?"

Thinking of his sister – not in _that_ way you filthy buggers – Harry curtly replied, "I'd rather thump you one on the head."

Rosencrantz stared at Harry before roaring with laughter. "Good one mate!" he said, wiping tears from his eyes. "Almost had me there for a moment!"

_Whump!_

Harry – true to his word – had walloped the man over the head. _Mr. Weasley was right, this guy is a perverted git_.

"What'd you do that for?" Rosencrantz asked angrily as he rubbed his sore head. Harry's blow was slightly harder than normal.

Harry rolled his eyes at the man. "I said I'd do it," he drawled.

"Yes but I didn't think you'd actually _do_ it!"

"Well, now you know."

Twenty minutes later the forms were properly completed and filed, and Rosencrantz was only too happy to get rid of Harry and his slightly dangerous-but-official new harem leave. As they were back in the atrium, they were suddenly ambushed by a woman with odd spectacles, gaudy clothing and a Quick-Notes Quill. 

"Mr. Potter, how nice to see you!" Rita Skeeter said sweetly.

"What the hell do you want?" Harry asked tiredly. He really needed a good lie-in before his Dueling class.

"Just a few questions if it's alright with you," she said hurriedly. Then, not even bothering to get Harry's permission she asked, "So is it true that you've formed your own harem? What would your mother say?"

"She's already had her say, I lost my hearing after the first six syllables," Harry said waspishly. "Listen we really don't have time to stick around Pita…"

"Rita," she corrected. "Oh come now Harry, may I call you that?"

"No."

"Harry, I am only trying to satisfy my readers!" she said with a mock pout. "Surely you could do that for me?"

"I'd rather set your hair on fire Rita."

Rosencrantz, who was just punching out for the day, overheard what Harry said and winced.

"Oh, you are quite the joker Harry, now am I to understand that you have a nymph, a Veel – AAAAHHH!"

As you can already guess, Rita began to run around wildly, screeching something fierce as she tried to put the flames on her head out. Harry's consorts could only laugh in mirth as the foul woman managed to run two laps of the atrium – to the great amusement of the ministry workers (it wasn't every day that something happened, and most didn't have television to entertain themselves) – before running to the Fountain of Magical Brethren and dunking her head into the water.

As Harry made to leave, he was once again stopped by Lucius Malfoy. The blonde man sneered at Harry and his women before wiping some imaginary dust off of his cane. 

_Two can play at that!_ Harry thought furiously as he wiped some imaginary dust off of his own cane, which he had promptly conjured.

"Enjoying yourself Potter?" Malfoy spat as he looked hungrily at Harry's women. "You can't seem to stop making yourself the center of attention, can you?"

Harry shrugged, dispelling the cane. "Do you like, get scabs on your knees Lucius?" he asked innocently.

Lucius narrowed his eyes at Harry. "Scabs from what?" he sniffed.

"Why, from being on your knees all the time," Harry said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "You know, you spend quite a lot of time on your knees in front of your master."

Lucius went red with fury and humiliation. "I have no idea what you're talking about Potter!" he snarled. Calming himself somewhat, he asked in a reserved tone, "I'd watch yourself Potter… Wouldn't want to… be in the wrong place at the wrong time would you?"

Harry shook his head – oblivious to the obvious kidnap-Potter-to-plumb-Bellatrix plot – and retorted, "Not really, though I'd rather break your kneecaps Lucius, you ol' death nibbler."

Rosencrantz – and the newly snuffed-out Rita – winced.

Lucius sneered. "As if you would Potter, and do not speak of things you do not know about."

Two seconds and a pair of swift kicks later, Malfoy was on the ground screaming bloody murder after Harry shattered the man's kneecaps.

"Are you bloody MAD!" Malfoy screamed as his legs bled. "What the bleeding hell did you do that for?"

"I told you I'd do it!" Harry shouted back. "What is with people and not listening to me today? Blimey!"

Harry and his ladies quickly left the ministry, not wanting to be held up any longer. Lucius Malfoy was taken straight to St. Mungos, where he was given a rather large goblet of Skele-Gro and a stern order to drink all of it. Strangely enough, the hospital's entire supply of Pain-Relieving potions had mysteriously disappeared and Lucius had to endure fourteen hours of intense pain as his kneecaps re-grew. 

Meanwhile, back at Voldemort's hideout said dark lord was lying in his bed, having undergone an incredibly painful ritual. 

"Milord, how are you feeling?" Bellatrix Lestrange's soft voice asked from his bedside. Voldemort sat up slowly.

"I am fine my dear Bella," he said cautiously. "Had it not been for all those Pain-Relieving potions we stole from St. Mungos, I would be in intense pain."

"Master, when may I carry your child?" she asked excitedly.

Voldemort sighed. "Hopefully, soon if the ritual went as planned," he said. "That would save us a lot of work and trouble by kidnapping Potter."

Voldemort went on. "You see, Snape found out that while there no potion to existed to help my – ahem – problem, a simple Fertility potion would be more than enough for what we needed," he said. "Thus, all he needed was whatever usable seed I had left – not much as you can imagine – to make the potion work. And now, to see if it worked."

"How will you know master?" Bellatrix prodded.

"Quite simple, since male reproductive organs are external, we can easily tell if our 'man-canons' are loaded if you understand what I mean. Judging by Snape's book, I would not be surprised if they were bigger than grapefruits."

"Of course master, I can't wait!"

He grabbed his blanket and peeked under the sheets. Bellatrix - looking much better and rather sexy if the Dark Lord thought to himself - watched on eagerly. However her hopes were quickly dashed down the drain when her master became enraged. _Really _enraged.

"MULCIBER YOU INCOMPETENT FOOL, GET IN HERE!" he screamed at the top of his lungs.

Said death gobbler stumbled into the room, terrified. "Mi – milord?" he stammered.

"Where is Snape?" Voldemort snarled. "How is it that the world's greatest Potions Master could bungle up a potion!"

Mulciber looked even more mortified, and grew paler by the moment. "Uh – mi – milord Snape was passed out and extremely hung over from what young Malfoy had told us," he squeaked. "So I – I brewed the potion, so you would still be pleased."

"DO I BLOODY LOOK PLEASED?" Voldemort shouted as Bellatrix glared daggers at the man. "You FOOL, did you really think you could brew the potion of which I asked for?"

Mulciber gulped. "While n – not as skilled as Snape is in Potions I am confident in the potion I made for you, milord."

Voldemort looked ready to pop a vein. "Oh, so you thought yourself _confident _enough to brew a Draught of Everlasting Fertility?" he hissed venomously.

Mulciber looked confused. "Fertility?" he asked stupidly, not realizing that he had just signed his own death certificate. "I thought you asked for a Draught of Everlasting Sterility!"

The seconds passed almost painfully for the idiot death eater…

"_CRUCIO!" _Voldemort and his furious ex-childbearer shrieked at the top of their lungs.

After ordering some new recruits to feed Mulciber's body to the Inferi, Voldemort wearily turned to Bellatrix. "It would appear that whatever remains in my testes are blanker than a troll's face," he sighed. "Regrettably, we must go to our fallback plan..." 

"Potter," Bellatrix finished unhappily. "Oh well, at least I'm lucky he is an incubus."

Voldemort almost cursed her right there, but then remembered that she would carry his future heir and refrained from doing so. "_Yes_," he hissed. "Lucky little Potter."

He snapped his fingers suddenly. "Macnair!" he bellowed. The ugly magical creature executioner came within seconds. "Macnair, you have heard of our plans with young master Potter," Voldemort said silkily. "After Bellatrix is finished with him, use your great war axe and… _remove_ a certain part of his anatomy for me!"

"Er – yeh milord?" Macnair said thickly. While not the most intelligent death eater, his skills with the ridiculously large axe were second to none. "What for, if yeh don't mind me askin?"

"_Crucio_, I do mind Macnair but since I'm feeling generous today I shall tell you," Voldemort replied breezily. Strangely enough, the torture curse was losing its novelty to the Dark Lord. _I need to find something new,_ he thought in amusement. _Maybe something that will cause scalding hot soup to pour out of one's nose, yes that would do. They would never suspect it, I mean it's hot soup out of your nose, come on._ "I would like Potter's certain… anatomy to use myself, since someone's _incompetence_ has denied me use of my own."

"Right-o gov," Macnair said, bowing low. "It shall be done. You want it in once piece right?"

Voldemort nodded sharply. "One cannot play cricket without the required balls," he snapped. "It would be like having fish without chips…. It just isn't going to happen, is it?"

Serverus Snape woke up with the foulest hangover. He was seriously beginning to regret downing those seventeen 26'ers. Now he felt as if he were forgetting something, but what? Oh well, maybe he would remember later on during the day. All he had to do was brew a blasted hangover potion and try not to stare at that blasted Astronomy teacher since Potter would most likely blast him with his wand, or worse, humiliate him again. Curses, why did that woman have to be so bloody irresistible! 

Staggering out of his couch, Serverus began to collect the ingredients for the hangover potion, which was really a muggle concoction of sour milk, raw eggs and other foul things. Still, he couldn't let those filthy muggles take credit for it of course, and he took the idea and told everyone that he had invented it. Since most potions were disgusting, it wasn't hard to get everyone to believe him.

Serverus suddenly remembered something.

"I have to tell Potter something, but what?" he snarled in disgust. Why couldn't he remember?" "Blast, what was it… something to do with a baby… Maybe it's to insult that wench of a nymph he's got? That's right, she's pregnant with his child, horrifying as it may be. Yes, that must be it, I must insult Potter about his unborn child, good show ol' boy!"

And so, Harry Potter still had no idea of what forces were conspiring against him.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19 

_Meetings, lots of meetings_

"What the devil is this?" the now-flaccid Dark Lord wondered, poking at a small cardboard box with holes in it. Bellatrix shooed the delivery owl away, but not before it dropped a letter into her hands.

"Look master!" she exclaimed, waving the parchment. "It's from Potter!"

She opened the envelope and read it out loud.

"_Dear Tommy,_" she began, but Voldemort started to froth at the mouth.

"My name is Voldemort!" he snapped.

"_Hah, I knew you'd say that. Anyways, I kind of noticed that you've been laying low and whatnot nowadays. Since you're most obviously bored while you hide at your super secret hideout that a bloody _rent-an-owl_ can find, I decided to send you something to play with._"

Voldemort quickly brandished his rigid wand – the yew one, that is – and pointed it at the box.

"It could be a deadly curse!" he shouted, prodding the box with his wand.

It meowed.

"What the deuce?" he muttered.

He swished and flicked his wand and the lid rose up. The two waited with abated breath.

A pair of wintry white ears came up, followed by a pair of curious green eyes. Seconds later, a snow white kitten crawled out of the box and mewled at the flummoxed pair.

"Potter sent me a cat?" Voldemort asked stupidly.

Bellatrix picked the cat up, which proceeded to rub its fact against her generous cleavage and purr loudly as it licked her fingers.

"It's a KITTY!" she squealed, squeezing said feline to her chest. It made an adorable "Meeew" sound as it used its big kitty eyes. "Awwwwwww!"

Voldemort snarled. "You are a DEATH EATER!" he roared. "Not a giggling schoolgirl!"

Bellatrix and the kitty glared at him. "Death Eater or not, it's a _kitty_!" she replied frostily, as if it explained everything. It probably did in her less-than-pristine mind.

Voldemort stared at her. Throwing his bony hands up, he snapped, "Fine! But you're in charge of taking care of the little monster!"

The kitten gave Voldemort an incredulous stare that seemed to imply, "_I'm_ the monster here?"

Growling at the audacity of the blasted cat, Voldemort stormed out of the room. The kitty jumped out of Bella's hands and started pawing at the box. Going over, Bellatrix found that there was another piece of parchment inside.

_Oh yeah, her name is Harrietta. I figured the green eyes and likeliness to my name would drive old Moldy mad._

_Cheers!_

_Harry_

Bellatrix set the letter down on the table and picked up the little cat. She looked into its dark green eyes.

"Well," she said resignedly. "I suppose we should go get you a collar. It's a shame Potter already named you, I really wanted to call you Snowbell!"

"Meeew."

"So you think Voldemort appreciated my present?" Harry wondered as he walked around with Naria and her friends. He was currently the teacher on patrol duty in Hogsmeade. Actually, now that he thought about it, Harry was always on guard duty. That was odd, he'd have to speak to Dumbledore about it. 

"I just hope he doesn't kill it!" Hermione said worriedly.

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Are you kidding?" he asked in disbelief. "I sent the cutest, most adorablest littlest kitten I could find in this country! He'd have to be an utterly evil monster to kill a cat like that!"

"Hate to break it to you mate," Ron said, "But You-Know-Who _is_ an utterly evil monster."

Harry shook his head furiously as his harem members rounded the corner, Kuna bouncing around happily. "Trust me, he wouldn't dare kill that kitty," he said sagely. "I mean, he'd go to hell, not the normal hell, but the _special_ hell where all the _really_ bad guys go."

"What kind of people go to special hell?" Naria asked.

Harry looked at her very seriously. "People who rape children, or kill innocents and especially those who don't watch _Friends_."

"_Friends_?" Naria asked incredibly. "Good heavens."

"I know!" Harry replied. He smiled as his bed mates came up. "Hey ladies!"

"I miss all the pretty red flowers!" Kuna pouted. "What happened to them?"

"Valentine's Day was three months ago!" Ron snorted.

"Really?" Kuna gasped. "I want red flowers!"

Her hands began to glow a soft pink and all around them pink and red roses began to sprout out of the ground. Everyone watched in fascination as Hogsmeade began to turn into a floral botanist's wet dream.

"How did you…?" Hermione gasped. She slapped her forehead. "Oh right, wood nymph."

Kuna smiled happily, rubbing her swollen belly. "I like flowers!" she said seriously.

"What are you going to name the little bugger?" Harry asked, putting his hand on her belly. She scrunched her nose up.

"If it's a girl… Kumi!" she said.

"Uh, ok," Harry said. "And if it's a boy?"

"Kupo!"

"Kupo?" They all turned around to see a tall man with crazy spiked blonde hair and glowing blue eyes. He was dressed all in dark clothes and exuded an air of an enigma. He also had a very large sword strapped to his back. The Hogwarts group stared at him.

"Kupo?" he repeated. "What are you, a Moogle?"

"A what?" Kuna asked in confusion.

"What are you doing here?" an soft but angry female voice demanded. They all turned around to see a beautiful Asian girl wearing a mini skirt and had a large set of, well, breasts. Sorry, couldn't think of anything creative.

"What. Are. You. Doing. Here?" she asked, punctuating each word with a finger jab to the man's chest.

"I thought this was Midgar," he protested vainly.

"Midgar?" she said violently. "Midgar? Does this place look like Midgar?"

"Not really," he admitted. His eyes started to lose their blue glow. "Where are we?"

"I'll tell you where we aren't!" the girl said. "We aren't at my bar! Come on, let's get out of here!"

She then grabbed the man's arm and dragged him off into the crowd, disappearing.

Harry stared blankly at the space where they used to occupy. "What the," he began.

"Bloody hell?" Neville finished. "Who the bloody hell were they?"

"Dunno," Naria said cheerfully. "That was almost as weird as that one guy I saw with spiky black hair, purple eyes and a big canon on his arm!"

"I don't think they were as weird as that robot fellow," Ginny said. "You remember him, he wore a metal helmet and blew loads of things up?"

"Oh, the guy with the glowing red eye on his helmet?" Hermione added. "Yes, he was definitely strange."

"Ok, that's enough now," Harry said, massaging his brain. Were all people in this universe weird, or was it just him? "Come on, let's continue shopping or whatever."

An hour later, the group exited the Three Broomsticks, with the younger students on a slight Butterbeer buzz. Harry was supporting his drunken sister – who was making suggestive advances on Neville earlier – and frowning at the others, who were stumbling around slothenly. 

"If they get drunk off of Butterbeer, I'd hate to see them on Firewhiskey," Celeste pointed out. "Butterbeer doesn't even have a drop of alcohol in it!"

"Stupid kids," Harry muttered as Naria slurred something that sounded like, "Nevi-poo I want to have your babies!"

A crack of lightning filled the sky. Harry thought nothing of it, until another appeared, in the exact same spot. Motioning for the others to stop, Harry searched the sky. Another rumble of thunder was heard and a bolt of lightning struck the ground not twenty feet away from them. The girls shrieked as everyone tried to get back, and Harry drew his wand.

Five more lightning strikes hit the same spot not too far away and Harry watched – transfixed – as a ball of lightning appeared out of thin air at the spot. Training his wand on the ball, Harry waited tersely for anything hostile. The ball of lightning began to glow a multicolor rainbow as something inside began to move erratically.

Some time later the movements inside stopped and the crowd could only watch as they were still frozen to the spot. The ball of lightning suddenly fizzled out and a figure dropped out of it.

The figure had bushy brown hair.

"Hermione?" Harry sputtered, now recognizing his old friend.

"What?" the younger Hermione asked.

"HARRY!" old Hermione shrieked, dusting herself off and launching herself like a bullet at him. Harry barely had time to suck in breath before he was hurled seven feet backwards and crushed in a hug that would make a giant looked ashamed. "Omigod Harry, we thought we lost you it took almost five months to find a method to travel through the universes and I spent so much time losing sleep working on it but it worked and I'm alive and I'm here now and I've FOUND YOU!"

She stopped talking and sucked in a huge breath. "You look great!" she said suddenly. She, on the other hand, was looking quite ragged. Her clothes were tattered and looked as if they hadn't been cleaned in weeks and her shoes had many scuff marks and holes in them. Her normally bushy hair could now probably become a nesting ground for Puffskiens since it was twice as volumous as before. Her normally pretty face was streaked with tears, mud, some dried blood and Merlin knew what else.

She stopped smiling at Harry and looked around. Spotting the others, she said, "Oh my, is that _me_ over there?"


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20 

_Dimension-hopping_

"But – but – you're dead!" Harry sputtered as the rather dirty bookworm hugged him tightly once again. "I held you when you died!"

Hermione looked distraught. "I died?" she cried. "Harry, I thought _you_ died! When we found the third horcrux it exploded, killing Ron instantly and you disappeared!"

She began to wail loudly, clutching onto Harry's robes as if they were a lifeline. "It took the Order _so_ long to find a way to let me get to you!" she sobbed. "But now I don't know how to get back!"

Harry gave her a shrewd look as he held her at arms' length. The others were watching with morbid fascination and Naria was white in the face.

"Wait a minute," Harry said suspiciously. "Hermione, I destroyed all of the horcruxes, how could I have died…"

Harry's eyes widened. "What year is it?" he demanded.

Hermione sniffed, wiping a stray tear away. "1997 of course," she replied. Harry smacked himself on the forehead.

"Bloody hell!" he moaned. "It was _1998_ when I was transported! You're the Hermione from a year ago in _my _world!"

"Hold on a bloody moment!" Neville interrupted. He glared at the two suspiciously. "What are you going on about?"

Harry looked sheepish. "Uh, _Obliv -_"

"Harry!" Hermione scolded, slapping his wand away. "These are not Death Eaters!"

"Sorry Hermione," Harry muttered dejectedly. He really had missed wiping people's memories out. Now he knew why Lockhart liked doing it.

Hermione turned to Neville. "We're from another universe," she said primly as he and the others – minus Naria – gasped. "I thought this was the same Harry I knew, but apparently he's slightly different."

She looked at Harry sadly. "So I've basically destroyed all chance of going home or finding the Harry I lo – remember," she said sorrowfully.

Harry frowned and grabbed her shoulder in a comforting way. "Don't be sad 'Mione," he said. "I may not be your exact Harry, but I'm damn well close enough. Now, may I ask as to why you look so dirty?"

Hermione flushed, trying to smooth out her muddy clothes. "I kind of landed in a bunch of different places before I got here," she admitted. "Lupin's spell wasn't very… specific, and I ended up visiting about six universes for a short period of time."

"Were they like ours?" Naria asked.

Hermione shrugged. "One was absolutely mad!" she exclaimed. "I stayed there for a bout a day and there was no magic at all! But they muggles were terribly advanced however, they had these great big walking machines that they used for war, it was terrible."

"Walking machines?" Ron wondered. "Wicked!"

Hermione finally realized that a copy of her deceased boyfriend was standing there. "Oh Ron!" she cried, flinging herself onto the shocked boy. "I miss you!"

"Er – ok?" Ron answered eloquently.

"Hermione, calm yourself," Harry said gently. "Everyone's different here."

Hermione pulled herself off of Ron – who had begun to realize what the two soft mounds pressing into him were – and wiped her face in embarrassment. "Oh, right," she said quietly. She spied Harry's – ahem – entourage. "Who're they?"

"Well – heh heh, you see," Harry stammered. "Theyremyconcubinesslashharem."

Hermione's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Excuse me?" she hissed venomously. "I must be mistaken, did you just say you had a _harem_?"

"Oooh, mum will definitely like her," Naria commented as she and the others watched the older Hermione beat Harry with a copy of _Hogwarts: A History_. Where she got it from, they never knew.

Several hours and three healing potions later, they group found themselves back at Hogwarts, standing outside of Dumbledore's office. Many students had done a double take when they saw two Hermione Grangers – although one was obviously older, now clean and well gifted feminine-wise – and shied away from the oddity. They had reasoned that wherever Harry Potter went, calamity followed suit. 

"Okay, now the truth comes out," Harry sighed, clinging onto his gaggle of girls. "I hope I survive this."

"Come in, come in!" Dumbledore's cheery voice called. They filed in and he smiled warmly at them. "Hello Professor Potter, Miss Potter, Miss Granger and Miss… Granger?"

"Professor?" Hermione echoed, giving Harry a look.

"What is going on here?" Dumbledore demanded. Nicely of course, he's a nice guy.

Harry laughed nervously and ran his fingers through his hair. "Well you see, I'm – well Hermione and I – we – uh, we aren't – that is to say…"

Hermione finally slapped Harry upside the head. "We're from another universe," she said waspishly.

To his credit, Dumbledore didn't even start, let alone blink. He – ok he blinked, as is required so his eyes wouldn't dry – but he didn't freak out. He merely said, "Oh! I see," and went over to his fireplace.

"Lily dear, could you and James come here?" he called. "It appears that Harry has some explaining to do."

Harry was crushing Kuna's hand as his parents came out of the fireplace. James was looking curious as always while Lily had a somewhat business-like look on her face.

"Well, it's come out then?" she asked briskly. She shot Harry a motherly glare. "Finally buggered up, have you?"

Harry gaped at his pseudo mother. "Wha – how?" he stuttered.

Lily laughed prettily at her pseudo son's antics. "Oh come now sweetie!" she laughed. "A witch has a magical bond with all of her children! I knew you weren't _my_ Harry the moment I hugged you."

She gave him a sad smile. "But still, I wanted to have you back in my life so I took what I could," she admitted.

Everyone barring Dumbledore and James gawked at her. "You knew this entire time?" Naria sputtered.

"I did," Lily said, rounding on her daughter. "And so did you! Honestly Naria, hiding a thing like that from your mother!"

"But you knew too!" Naria complained.

Lily just sniffed. "That's beside the point," she said.

"Moving along," Dumbledore carefully interjected. "Since we obviously know why Mr. Potter is here, can someone please explain why another Hermione Granger has graced our presence? I daresay Hogwarts' collective GPA has risen twenty points."

Both Hermiones blushed.

"Hermione's here the same way I am," Harry said. "Universal travel. Listen mum, dad, I'm sorry I didn't tell you at first, but I _really_ wanted to have – have a family," he finished lamely. "I've never really had one to call my own."

Lily looked at him teary-eyed and gathered him into a hug, with his father putting a supportive hand on his shoulder. "Oh Harry, it's fine," she sobbed. "James and I wanted to have our Harry back in our lives, I suppose it didn't really matter which Harry."

She looked up at him with her emerald eyes shining with glistening tears. "Besides," she added. "It's not as if we knew our Harry, what difference did you make? Although… I don't think I would have let my real son have an – ahem – questionable series of relationships."

She glared at him sternly and Harry laughed nervously again. "Hey, you wanted grandchildren, I provided!" he retorted weakly. Lily just slapped him upside the head.

"Well, that's all fine and dandy," Dumbledore said happily. He held out his sweet dish. "Now, how about some candy? Oh my, that rhymed! I'm a poet and -"

"For the love of Merlin, don't finish that sentence," everyone groaned.

Dumbledore pouted. "Fine," he sulked, putting the dish away. "Now that these matters have been taken care of, what shall we do with Miss Granger? Er, Senior?"

"Tell everyone she's young Hermione's older sister?" Harry suggested. "No offense, but I'd like our secret to remain just that."

"Wait a minute," older Hermione said.

"How would that work?" James asked. "They'll wonder why she hasn't been to Hogwarts!"

"Don't you think," Hermione tried again.

"Just say she was home schooled or something," Neville suggested. His eyebrows waggled, totally uncharacteristically. "And if anyone asks why, it's because she would have reduced Hogwarts' male population to gelatinous states if they were to see her."

"I really think," Hermione said in frustration, tears evident in her eyes, but once again:

"Yeah that could work," Harry said brightly. "I mean, she is bloody gorgeous and all, and have you seen her -"

"Harry James Potter the second, you will NOT be adding another girl to your harem!" Lily shouted.

"Oooh, shotgun!" James said excitedly. Lily glared murderously at him before conjuring a frying pan and – well you probably know what happens.

As James lay on the ground, older Hermione finally screamed, "Hold on a bloody damn minute!"

Ron gasped and turned to the younger Granger. "You swore!" he said in awe. "I don't believe it!"

"It wasn't me!" Hermione2 said crossly.

"But it's still you!" Ron crowed. "I can't believe it, Hermione Granger cursing! Leave me alone for a moment you guys, I need to savor this."

"What am I going to do?" Hermione wailed meanwhile. "I obviously can't go to Hogwarts since I'm too old and I can't really get a job or anything!"

"You could teach," Harry prompted. "I'm teaching Dueling."

Hermione looked at him shrewdly. "Yes, I can totally picture that," she said dryly. She suddenly snapped her fingers. "I know! I can research inter-dimensional portals! Maybe I can find a way to travel universes!"

"Um," Harry said.

Hermione began brainstorming. "Of course I'll need access to Hogwarts' Restricted Section, thank you Headmaster -"

"Erm, very well?" Dumbledore said in confusion, not knowing that he had doomed Hogwarts' library to the literary demon known as Hermione Granger.

"- and then I'll need somewhere to test my theories…"

"Oh, use the backyard at Godric's Hollow," Lily said warmly. "I'm not even going to bother in the future, I just hope that accursed tapestry has enough parchment in the end."

And thus, Juliet Granger was born, older sister of Hermione Granger, who was undoubtedly beautiful and 'very shaggable' as many male students observed. Of course, when they were beaten to a pulp in Dueling class, they realized that she was a future member of Harry's Harem, and a collective 'Damn it, not another one!' resounded throughout the castle. 

This universe's Grangers were informed of what was going on, and Richard Granger – lover of all things sci-fi – totally welcomed the older Hermione and pestered her and Harry about different worlds and all. Hermione told them that she had been to a planet where giant robots battled eachothers with laser guns and missiles, fighting over something between Commonwealth royalty and an uprising. The two sides were named Steiner and Davion, Davion being the royals who were trying to quell the vicious Steiner opposition.

Hermione had also visited a world where magic unlike the wizarding world existed, and on a far more powerful scale. She wouldn't say much about it, but mentioned a girl named Shelke who reminded her of Ginny Weasley. The other worlds had either been exactly like theirs or just barren.

Some days later saw Harry and Juliet aka Hermione working in his backyard on some new crazy theory she had come up with. Using runic magic and borrowing Bill Weasley for some spellwork, Juliet created her very first, very unstable portal. 

It appeared in the air, kept in place by two large limestones that anchored its energy. Harry was used as the catalyst since he was magically powerful and Juliet focused on trying to bring something through the glimmering portal, which strangely resembled that of the one on Stargate: SG1.

"_Portrago_!" Juliet cried, casting her homemade transportation spell. The portal made a loud groaning noise as it started to flex back and forth. Dim shapes and images were seen in the mirror-like surface of the portal and Harry perspired greatly as he concentrated on _not_ dying.

The portal then suddenly did something they unexpected. It farted. Don't ask Juliet why, but the damn inter-dimensional portal just passed gas and ejected something out of its… orifice. It was a person.

"Owww, what happened?" the person moaned, clearly female from the sounds of it. She wore tight black robes that were very fashionable and shiny. Not much could be seen of her face, but she had long unruly black hair that ran down and covered a very nice bottom. She was currently lying on her stomach on the ground, but from the way her back was arching, she was probably well-gifted bust-wise.

"_Finite_!" Juliet cried, shutting the portal down and letting Bill and Harry collapse in an undignified heap on the lawn. She ran over to the girl. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" she cried, helping her up. "I only meant to transport a rock through the portal, not a person! Are you ok?"

"I'm fine," the girl muttered, brushing her bangs out of her face. She turned to look at Juliet and she fainted. Juliet that is.

The girl had startling bright green eyes and a lightning bolt scar above her right eye.

_Meanwhile..._

"Well milord, the test results have come in," the healer announced, waving a folder containing Voldemort's - ahem - _results_ in it.

"Hurry it up, I must know immediately!" Voldemort hissed. "What does it say?"

"My goodness, you'll be dead within a month!" the healer gasped.

"WHAT?" Voldemort screamed. The healer took out his copy of the _Prophet_.

"Oh Rita Skeeter, keep writing articles such as this and you'll be dead within a month!" the healer chuckled, tossing the paper in the bin. "Now, on to you."

"Those results better be worth the physical I had to take!" Voldemort warned.

"Alright, let's look at those results," the healer said as he opened the folder. "AHHHH!"

"What is it!" Voldemort asked in fear.

The healer shook the folder and a spider fell out. "There's a spider in here!" he said and Voldemort relaxed. "Now, here we go. Milord, you're going to expire in a month."

"It cannot be!" Voldemort shouted. "I'm immortal!"

"Immortal or not," the healer said seriously. He pulled out a plastic card which had the name _Tom Marvolo Riddle_ on it. It was blacked out and _Lord Voldemort _was written on top of it. "This _is_ your apparating license, is it not? You need to renew it."

Voldemort breathed a sigh of relief.

"Now unfortunetely, I'm afraid you're going to die," the healer said, shaking his head.

"No!" Voldemort cried.

"When you read this amusing playwright by Adolphus Lichtenstein!" the healer chuckled, passing Voldemort a play. Voldemort tossed it away angrily.

"Will you just tell me my bloody results!" he thundered, bolts of red energy leaping off his skeletal body. The healer sighed.

"Alright milord," he said, swallowing a lump in his throat. "I'm... not sure how I'm going to say this..."

Voldemort sucked in a deep breath...

"Is it Granger, Her-minny? Hermy-own? Her-minee? Her-meeni? Her-mi-oh-nee? Her-mi-oh-nee? Hmm. Anyways, onto the cancer."

"AHH!" Voldemort screamed.

"You are a Cancer right, you were born in July?" the healer asked as Voldemort shook his head and fumed yet again. "Oh, now onto these test results: Good Merlin, they're much worse than I thought!"

"Oh no!" Bellatrix gasped as she entered the room.

"My son got a T in his History of Magic essay!" the healer said in dissapointment. He put the parchment away. "Now milord, I think that liver is going to have to come out."

"What? Now?" Voldemort gasped.

"Of course," the healer said nonchalently, walking over to the oven. "It's been in the bloody cooker for three minutes, you don't like it dry." He took the plate of liver out of the cooker and passed it to his lord, who ate it ravenously.

"The tests!" Voldemort demanded.

"What?" the healer asked. "Oh yes, the results. you're fine, you're just really impotent."

The healer chose to say this right when Voldemort's Inner Circle had entered the chambers. There was a stunned silence as Voldemort's minions processed this new information. Voldemort glared at the healer and the man chuckled nervously.

"Boy, this is more awkward than the time my testing found out that Lucius Malfoy was really a woman," he said.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21 

_Colliding Worlds!_

"Holy crap!" Harry exclaimed uncharacteristically. "It's a girl version of me!"

"Goodness!" the girl-Harry gasped, peering at her alter-self. "It's a bloke version of me!"

She stood a little shorter than Harry, but taller than Hermione. Harry guessed that she was at least 5' 6". She had the exact same messy hair like he did, except hers was down to her shoulders and looked a hell of a lot nicer than his. She also had the same green eyes as Harry did, but hers were much more almond shaped and wide. She had a slender oval face – taking the trait from Lily of course – and a cute button nose. Her bowtie lips looked as if they were naturally pink, but darker somehow. She wore witch's robes, which did nothing but flatter her toned and athletic body. Judging by the amount of sinful curves she had, Harry deduced that she was Gryffindor's Seeker in her world. Her toned skin was very pale and fair.

"I can't believe my portal worked!" Hermione cried happily. "Granted, I didn't expect _this_ but -"

"I can't believe you've brought another Potter here!" Harry shouted.

"I can't believe it's not butter!" Sirius yelled, holding a tub of the margarine with the same name.

Everyone stared at him.

"Aren't you supposed to be at work?" Harry asked.

"Aren't you supposed to be dead?" Hermione and the girl-Harry asked afterwards.

Sirius slapped his forehead, which was hilarious because the hand he used held the tub of margarine.

"Bloody hell!" he gasped. "You're right! What am I doing here? See you later Harry, suspiciously older Hermione who should be at school and Harry's highly attractive long-lost twin sister!"

He apparated away, leaving a group of people wondering if their Sirius would have been like that if he hadn't gone to Azkaban. Perhaps going to prison really was good for him… 

The girl stood up and brushed herself off, glaring daggers at Hermione all the while.

"What?" Hermione finally asked after ten minutes under scrutiny.

"How do I know that this was _your_ idea?" the girl asked sourly. "If you're anything like _my_ Hermione then this is all your fault!"

"I didn't mean to bring you out of your world!" Hermione pleaded. "I wanted a rock, or a bush, honestly!"

Meanwhile, Harry watched as the portal turned fluorescent blue and started to flash.

"Uh, ladies…"

"You're just lucky I defeated Voldemort Hermione cause I swear to God…!"

The portal began to undulate spastically and Harry began to back away slowly.

"Don't you think you should…"

"You beat him?" Hermione asked excitedly. "Did you destroy all of the horcruxes first?"

The portal ejected another figure out, one who was clothed in a skin tight blue outfit that glowed in some parts. It was definitely a young girl, since the deliciously round bum was anything to say about it and she had shoulder length red hair.

"Hermione, you really should -"

"Of course I did!" Fem-Harry said. "It was fairly easy fighting Tom afterwards."

"That's wonderful!" Hermione exclaimed, overjoyed. "You just _have _to tell us how you did it!"

The portal now turned gold and Harry helped the pretty red head up as they silently watched it spit out another female. She was older, maybe in her twenties. She had light blond hair that was swept to the right side of her face and a wild ponytail hung over her left shoulder.

She wore a loose fitting white blouse with a blue and yellow collar. She had an armored plate on her right shoulder that had a thin red cape attached to it at the back. She also had very short shorts that were beige in color, not even halfway down her thighs in length. She wore a dark red skirt over those. Attached to her right leg at the back of her thigh was a large holster that held a strange looking machine gun.

Harry helped the extremely attractive woman – confused, extremely attractive woman – up and just motioned for her to stay silent for the moment as the portal changed again.

This time it turned a soft blue and grew slightly bigger. A man with short blond hair and European looks fell out. He looked Japanese, but his face and features were totally European. He wore a full set of blue samurai armor and had a set of devil horns on a band around his forehead. He also had a massive blue katana broadsword and an equally large orange dual edged broadsword attached to his back.

Seeing the lineup of odd characters, he just shrugged and joined them as they watched the portal some more.

Hermione still hadn't noticed the portal or the newcomers and she and the Fem-Harry – now known as Alessandra – continued trading stories.

The portal changed to a bright green and shat out a tall man with huge defined muscles and crazy black hair that stuck up at odd angles. He wore an orange outfit that was form fitting but baggy. The shirt had a white circle with a black Japanese symbol on it. He looked around curiously.

"This is definitely not what I asked Shenmue for," he said in confusion. He sat on the grass and started to meditate.

"OH MY GOD!" 

Hermione finally noticed their guests. She jabbed her wand hysterically at the portal and cried, "_Finite_!"

The portal let out a rude noise – that sounded _very_ much like a raspberry – and with a wet squelch that reminded everyone of a wet log it disappeared.

Hermione began to hyperventilate once seeing her handiwork. "Omigod, omigod, omigod!" she repeated over and over again.

"Hermione?" the cute little red head asked.

Hermione looked at the girl, recognition dawning in her chocolate orbs. "Shelke?" she whispered.

Both girls ran forward in a totally clichéd reunion scene and embraced eachother. A little too friendly in Harry's opinion. And was Hermione grabbing the girl's ass? No, definitely not, Hermione was supposedly in love with him! … Right?

"I thought I'd never see you again!" Hermione cried happily as she hugged the girl tightly, tears splashing onto the girl's tight, tight suit.

"It's so good to see you, I've missed you!" the girl named Shelke said with a warm smile.

Harry realized that this was the girl Hermione had met on one of her travels. Although they were a _little_ too close for comfort. He decided to step up.

"Hi there, I'm Harry Potter," he said, shaking her hand.

"Shelke," she said shyly. Turning to Hermione she whispered, "Wow, you were right, he _is_ a sight to behold!"

Hermione flushed but luckily she was saved by the others.

"Well, I don't know what I'm doing here but I'm Goku!" said the guy on the grass.

"Lightning," the beautiful woman said shortly.

"Ehh, I suppose you can call me Soki," the guy with the big swords said. He shook Harry's hand with a large grin. He then looked confused. "Ehh, what? How am I speaking this Western language?" he asked in surprise, clutching his throat.

"Yes, same here," Lightning said quietly, her intelligent eyes taking everything in. "Is it some kind of magic?"

Hermione thought… thoughtfully. "It would appear so," she said after a moment. "What languages do you normally speak?"

"Japanese," Soki said.

"Same," said Lightning.

"That's weird," Harry said. "Maybe your portal did something Hermione? Like a language barrier or something just in case?"

"I never spelled that into it," Hermione frowned. "Oh well, it's not doing any harm and it's more helpful to us so let's just leave it, hmm?"

"So you brought us all here?" the man named Goku asked curiously. He got up and started pacing around Hermione, poking her in odd places. "Did you use your planet's Dragonballs?"

"Dragon what?" Hermione asked. Goku cocked his head sideways.

"You know, the seven Dragonballs that summon a magical dragon that grants you a wish?" Goku asked incredulously. "You don't know that?"

"… No?" Hermione ventured. "I just created a spell."

Goku's eyes widened. "You can do magic like the dragons?" he sputtered.

"What dragons?" Hermione asked sourly. "The dragons _I_ know are magic-resistant and very dangerous."

"Tell me about it," Harry muttered, reminiscing about a black dragon in his fourth year. He decided to forestall any argument and stepped in between the two. "Listen, since you're already here thanks to Hermione, and since you probably can't go back to your worlds until she makes up a new spell, what say you to helping us?"

"Ehh, sure," Soki said, scratching the back of his neck. "You got Genma here too?"

"What's a Genma?" Harry asked.

Soki shrugged. "Demons," he said. "Very nasty bastards, and ugly too. I was in the middle of a war when I got pulled here."

"And I as well," Lightning said dryly, giving Hermione a pointed look.

"I'm sorry!" Hermione huffed.

"So these Genma are demons right," Soki continued, walking around. "Some resemble undead skeletons, others like four legged skeletons and really nasty ones are huge and powerful. Only the blade of a Yagyu or Oni can kill a Genma, and I'm an Onimusha."

"What's the difference between an Oni and Onimusha?" Hermione asked, her eyes alight with the chance to learn something.

Soki laughed and placed both hands behind his neck. "Well an Oni is a warrior, born of a different type of demon, an ogre," he said. "Supposedly. They can kill Genma. An Onimusha is a sort of ascended Oni, who is capable of wielding the terrible power of the ogre. Once an Oni warrior turns into an Onimusha, he is in a 'powered up' state, you can imagine."

"That sounds a lot like a Saiyan," Goku said, entering the conversation. "I'm a Saiyan. We come from the planet Vegeta and we're born warriors. We're naturally powerful and once we get strong enough, we become Super Saiyans, much like this Onimusha you're talking about."

Hermione's jaw hung loosely. "You're an _alien_?" she gasped. "Amazing!"

Goku nodded sagely. "I didn't even know I was an Saiyan until I was much older," he said. "The planet I lived on was attacked by a group of Saiyans and they told me who I was. The rest after that is history. Hey, do you have any food?"

Soki's eyes lit up. "Ooh, do you have any simmered Taro?" he asked excitedly.

"I'm hungry too," Lightning said. "Being pulled through dimensions would do that I suppose."

Shelke looked at Hermione. "Yes, do you think we could get something to eat?" she asked. "I'm pretty hungry as well."

"We'll go to the Three Broomsticks," Harry said, slapping his fist into his palm. "Just let me make some portkeys."

"What's a portkey?" Soki asked. "Is it magic?"

"Yes," Hermione said. "A portkey is something that will allow you to travel anywhere in the world instantly."

"It's somewhat nauseating however," Harry said dryly, casting _Portus_ on a few rocks. "Okay, everyone put a finger on the rocks I give you and we're off!"

As the odd party of super what-nots were portkeyed away, the backyard was left in relative peace at last. A rustle in the bushes signaled the end of the short-lived tranquility and two people came out and surveyed the area. One was a tall man and the other a beautiful young girl, as are all the females in this story. Actually, wait, Umbridge doesn't count okay? 

"So that's how we came here?" the male person asked quietly. He shifted his weight since the sword on his back was quite heavy.

"I think so," the girl said worriedly. "Come on Cloud, let's go find that broomstore they were talking about!"

Harry and his new inter-dimensional group arrived outside the Three Broomsticks, with Soki toppling over as he landed. 

"Never again!" he gasped, clutching his stomach. "That's worse than a Genma portal!"

"Come on, let's go in!" Harry urged. "It's a Hogsmeade weekend so we'd better get a good table before the students come and get them all!"

"Students?" Goku asked. "People who use magic like you?"

"Correct."

"Well, let's go get a table then!" Goku said cheerfully, grasping the door handle. "I'm _starving_, hope you got a heavy wallet!"

He made to open the door and neatly tore it off its hinges. Ok, I lied, he took the hinges and half the door frame with it.

Harry and the others were still gawping at him when Rosemerta came out, wondering why there was a hole where her door should have been.

"What in Merlin's name?" she gasped, upon seeing Goku sheepishly holding said door in his hand. He gave her a toothy grin nervously.

"Hehehe, uh, sorry?" he ventured. "I – uh – spent some time under heavy gravity and I don't know how to control my strength yet."

"I – gravity – so strong… what?" she babbled.

Harry decided to step in. "Sorry about that Rosie," he apologized. Taking the door frame from a sheepish Goku, he placed it back where it belonged and said, "_Reparo_!" to fix the damage.

"Can we get a large table?" Juliet asked quickly.

"'We'?" Rosemerta gasped, seeing the others. "Um, very well, this – uh – way please."

They were shown to a table that had been enlarged to fit the larger men. The established business' regulars stared quietly at the highly colorful group. 

"So what kinda grub do you folks have?" Goku asked. "I'm so hungry I could probably eat another whale!"

"You ate a _whale_!" Juliet shrieked, garnering attention to herself. "A whole whale?"

Goku frowned thoughtfully. "At least, I think it was a whale," he said. "It sure was big. And it had an awful lot of teeth! Maybe it was just a big fish or something…"

The others digested this information – Lightning looking rather curiously at Goku – and they ordered food. Goku polished off nine soups, six steaks, twelve pork chops, an assortment of fish and a bunch of potatoes and side dishes. Harry had a salad.

During the meal, the students from Hogwarts started to trickle in and many could only gape at the company Harry held. They could only shrug their shoulders and with a shake of their heads they reasoned that only Harry Potter would keep such weird company. 

"Allo _mon chere_!" Fleur said brightly. She and a heavily pregnant Kuna came up to Harry's table. Kuna narrowed her eyes.

"Who are _they_?" she asked snobbishly. 'They' meaning the females in Harry's group.

"Oh, just some friends from another universe, he replied casually. "Butterbeer?"

Fleur acquiesced but Kuna wanted a Gillywater. Introductions were made and Harry's new friends had mixed opinions on Harry's concubines. Goku thought it was weird, but didn't mind since they were treated well and Harry couldn't really do anything about it. Soki was totally okay with it since he came from ancient Japan and concubines were normal to him. Lightning just gave Harry an icy glare and Shelke gave Hermione a worried – but knowing – frown. Harry was just glad that none of them blew up like his mother.

Several rounds of drinks later, Harry's sister and her friends finally made an appearance. Naria's eyes bulged out at the newbs surrounding her pseudo-brother but she didn't say a thing for fear of exposing them to the public. Instead, she had Neville and Ron pull up a table – with a little help from her emerging Succubus charm – and they sat down with the adults. 

Hermione gave her older 'sister' a wary look and sat down next to Ron. Ginny and Shelke just stared at eachother awkwardly. They were almost identical except for a few noticeable differences. Ginny's eyes were a soft brown while Shelke's were a deep shade of the bluest blue. Shelke's hair was chin length with the rear flaring out while Ginny's went down to the small of her back. Shelke looked extremely Asian however, but the likeliness was still there.

Introductions were made yet again and the others soon got along. Ron kept asking Soki to show him his swords while Goku nearly removed Neville's arm in an arm wrestle. Fleur's suspicion towards Lightning was removed when she found out that the quiet woman was not a Veela who was trying to steal her Harry away from her. They started to talk about fashion and looks but it was mostly Fleur talking and Lightning trying not to look bored. The fact that the beautiful woman wore no makeup whatsoever made all of the women jealous.

Some time later, Madam Rosemerta came up to the table and asked to see Harry. He followed her to the backroom, wondering what she wanted.

"Yes Rosie?" he asked. She had a somewhat dazed look, and her eyes were strangely glazed…

"Shit!" Harry swore, drawing his wand. It was just like in his sixth year when she was put under the imperious curse by Malfoy! A second later a sharp pain in his head made him fall into dreamland…


	22. Chapter 22

Been a while, huh? I was re-reading this and decided to throw another chapter in, just for old time's sake. I've got some spare time now that I'm looking for a new career. So consider yourselves lucky Muahahahahahahha!

Chapter 22

_Noooooooo!_

Harry groggily awoke some time later, and discovered that he was horizontal and his arms and legs relt restrained. Soft breathing could be heard and he looked over to see a young girl staring at him at the side.

"Gah!" he sputtered, sitting up as far as he could. He noticed that he was naked as the day he was born, albeit a lot sexier. "What the hell! Who're you?"

"Surprised, Potter?" the girl asked, her violet eyes sparkling in mirth. "Didn't expect the barmaid floozy to be under the Imperius curse, did you?"

"Obviously," Harry muttered. "I reiterate: Who the hell are you?"

"You may not recognize me, but I am Bellatrix Lestrange, the Dark Lord's most loyal servant!" she cried fanatically.

"And youngest. You look twelve," Harry reminded her. She spluttered angrily.

"Fourteen! It's not _my_ fault that Snape has a lolicon fetish!" she snapped. "Anyways, do you know why you're here? Fancy a guess? Hmm?"

"Uh, you're going to rape me and then get pregnant, offering the baby up to Voldemort so that he can raise it as his evil heir?" Harry tried.

Bellatrix blinked. "Well, yeah, I suppose," she said. "How'd you guess that?"

"Well, I _am_ kinda naked and restrained..."

"Right, right," she said thoughtfully. "Well, no time like the present then!"

She started to disrobe and Harry panicked.

"Wait, wait!" he protested, making her stop curiously. "Uhhh, you sure you wanna go through this? I mean, teen pregnancy is rampant, and I'm not sure you realize the emotional and physical ramnifications that follow with it!"

"Potter, I am a de-aged dark witch, not some idiot pubescant teenage girl," Bellatrix simply implied. "Now shut up and enjoy your rape!"

"Well it's not rape if I enjoy it!" Harry shouted triumphantly. She frowned.

"True..." she mused. "However, the Dark Lord told me to specifically rape you, so if you enjoy it, then I'll fail my task. What am I supposed to do?!"

It appeared that Azkaban made this Bellatrix just as crazy as his. "You could... _not_ do it?" he asked hopefully.

"But - but..." she whined. "What would I tell my master?!"

"I dunno, but let me tell you something," Harry told her. "If you're really de-aged that means that you're a virgin again. And you know what it's like to lose _that_, don't you?"

Bellatrix sneered at him, which looked odd coming from a young version of her face. "Hello?" she asked sarcastically. "Cruciatus curse, daily."

"Right, forgot that good old Tom liked to throw those around," Harry said. "I wonder why though, yelling _Crucio_ gets boring after a while. Why not use a spell that would, I dunno, make boiling hot soup erupt from your nose? That's way cooler!"

"Just what the hell are you talk - actually, that is pretty cool," Bellatrix suddenly said, sitting next to Harry's bed and undoing his chains. "I would have suggested acid, but with soup you don't really get that hurt."

About two hours later, Bellatrix kindly let Harry out of Voldemort's secret chamber and waved cheerfully at him as he apparated away, confusion totally etched upon his face. She went back into the main hall, where Voldemort and Lucius Malfoy were having a conversation.

"Ah, my dear Bellatrix, I trust that Potter's seed is within your womb?" Voldemort purred.

"Hm, what?" Bellatrix wondered, snapping out of her daze. "Oh no, he just left."

"WHAT?!" Voldemort screamed. "You didn't take his seed and you let him _leave?!_ I told you I needed an heir and his hoohah!"

"Bellatrix, you idiot!" Lucius added.

Bellatrix grew furious and whipped her wand out, her pubescant body full of rage. "How dare you call me an idiot!" she screeched. "I may be dazed, slow and slightly insane but I am _not _an idiot! _Scheldtio Soupo!"_

Lucius screamed horribly as jets of searing hot Lipton's Chicken Noodle soup erupted from his nose, and he fell to the ground, rolling around in agony. _Why God, why? _he asked the Lord. _I had just gotten out of St. Mungo's since my knees were regrown too! AHHH!_

Voldemort watched with morbid curiousity. "Nice spell, _Scalding Soup_, I presume from the translation?" he asked.

Meanwhile, Harry had confusedly returned to Hogsmeade after his strange evening with Loli-Bella. Finding Rosmerta, Harry noticed that she was no longer bewitched, and shrugged as he made to leave the Three Broomsticks. Pausing, he did a double take as he saw a familair blonde guy and big breasted girl sitting at one of the tables. He overheard their conversation.

"Here I thought this place sold flying broomsticks like the one I saw!" the girl complained. "And what d'you know, it's a friggin' bar! It's not even as good as the Seventh Heaven either! This sucks!"

"Good drinks though," the blonde said, holding up a glass of what appeared to be Butterbeer. "It's not half-bad Tifa, you should drink some."

"No thank you Cloud!" she responded sulkily. "How did you even pay for that? These people don't take Gil, they only take gold, silver or bronze coins!"

"You don't wanna know," he muttered, downing his drink and resting his hand on his humongous sword.

Shaking his head wearily, Harry exited the Three Broomsticks and took a carraige to the castle. Once there, he was ambushed by none other than...

"And just where were you all day?" Aurora asked, tightening her grip on her leather whip.

"Uh..."

"We 'ave meesed you!" Fleur added, giving him a death glare.

"You see..."

"Not out with another woman, I hope?" Celeste asked dangerously, baring her fangs.

"Not _exactly_ a woman..."

"Mine!" Kuna shrieked.

Harry tried to defuse the situation by smiling charmingly at his harem. "Ladies, ladies, if you would please calm down and - "

"BED NOW!"

Sirius Black had to understandably substitute for Dueling classes since Professor Potter couldn't move his body for the next four days.

"Alright, so once we go to Defcon Beta, I, Shakespeare and Dirge will attack from Zulu Theta 08 while Scar and Flash will standby while his escorts are taken care of," one conspirator whispered as the other two nodded furiously. The third just shook their head angrily.

"And _why_ am I here?" they asked, not understanding this whole mission at all.

"Because we need you to run interferance once we commence plan Zero-Zero-Ex-Dash-Niner," Shakespeare told Flash. "You're the only one who can stand up to the target's power."

"Power?" Flash asked incredibly. "He's got no real powers! He's just good-looking!"

"He's got something far more powerful than good looks," Shakespeare moaned hungrily.

"Hah! You admitted he was good-looking!" Dirge 'nyah-nyah'd.

"SO?!" Flash flushed furiously. Nice, three Fs.

"Please inform me as to _why_ I'm going along with this plan?" Scar asked. "It's almost really incestuous."

"Technically, you're from different universes, so it really isn't," Shakespeare informed Scar. "Besides, I think it would be hot!"

"Shakespeare, I never knew you were such a kink!" Scar gasped in mock shock.

Shakespeare smirked. "You obviously never heard anything about us librarian types," she said smugly. "Now, back to the plan..."

"Hey girls, what's up?"

"EEP!"

Harry raised an eyebrow as Juliet, Shelke, Alessandra and Lightning jumped about four and three-eights feet into the air. Juliet hastily rolled up large pieces of paper that suspiciously looked like blueprints of his bedchambers and banished them away. "NOTHING! Why do you ask?" Juliet asked, her voice changing in volume.

"Right, well I'll just ignore all that," Harry muttered. "Ignorance is a bliss..."

"Well, have you decided on what to do with our visitors?" he then asked. "You know, the ones from different worlds? Hmm? Different worlds that you pulled them from Juliet? Hmmmmm? Any thoughts on that? Any at all? Got an... idea of what you're going to do to fix the situation? You know, the one involving people from different worlds? Hmmmmmmmm? You gonna, you gonna maybe send them back somehow? Maybe gonna, make a new portal or something? Hmmm Juliet? Gonna maybe -"

_Whack_.

Harry dropped like a sack of doorknobs as Lightning reholstered her gunblade. The three other girls stared at her in awe. "What?" she asked annoyedly. "He was annoying!"

"Your plan was a _lot_ better than mine!" Juliet declared, hooking an arm through an unconscious Harry's left arm. "Hey Alessandra, give me a hand here! You too Shelke, it's free pickin's now!"

"I still think this is wrong but I must say I look damn sexy," Alessanra commented as she grabbed Harry's other arm. Shelke just supported the rear, or rather, Harry's rear. "Hey Lightning, we can throw you a bone if you want?"

"Yeah, I don't think - hey!" Lightning yelled as Juliet put a Full Body Bind on her. "I am not going to - HEY! HEY!"

Harry awoke thirteen hours later in the Room of Requirement, feeling oddly satisfied and his reserves dangerously low.

"Why do you look like Christmas has been cancelled?" Aurora asked a frumpy-looking Lightning as the woman sat herself down for breakfast. "Lightning? Hellooooo?"

"I can't believe this!" Lightning muttered furiously while devoring whatever was within reach. Aurora could hear snippets of her griping between each mouthful.

"Chosen one... Freedom Fighter! ... That stupid... can't believe it!... Not bad though... NO!"

The last one was shouted very loudly, and caught the attention of all the early-rising staff members. "Uh, you okay?" Aurora asked timidly.

"I gotta go," Lightning grumbled, tossing her napkin down and stalking away. She walked into Harry, who had just walked into the Great Hall, yawning cutely. Her face adorably red - a feat, since she was normally a formidable woman - Lightning shoved Harry out of the way and stomped out of the Great Hall, ignoring the fact that her super strength left him halfway into the Great Doors...

"Okay, _**some**_one's on their period!" Harry groaned as Flitwick and Hagrid helped him out of the doors. "What's her problem?"

"No idea," Aurora answered, as her lover sat down next to her. "You okay?"

"I'll somehow survive," he said, helping himself to some eggs. Suddenly, everyone in the room got a forboding feeling. It got dark all of a sudden, and Harry brought his wand out.

Suddenly, something appeared in front of the teacher's tables! It was dark, and humanoid, but appeared like something out of the Grudge! And yes, I know the grudge isn't in Harry Potter's time, but it helps with the imagery!

"Stand back!" Harry shouted, pushing everyone protectively behind him as the figure stood there, black waves coming off it's body. "It's human! ... Probably..."

The figure straightened, and everyone saw that it was indeed, a human. With a relieved sigh ("I thought it was a Dementor!" Flitwick squeaked), they all calmed down.

It turned out to be a teenage girl, in fact. She wore a completely black dress, which appeared to be a school uniform. Her hair was in a long, traditional Japanese style, eyebrow-length bangs, shoulder-length sides and waist-length back, and she had a porcelein face with magenta eyes. She was unearthly beautiful, though scary somehow.

"Where am I?" she pondered.

"Hogwarts?" Harry ventured an answer. She looked directly at him. And then keeled backwards as a fountain spray of blood erupted from her nose.

"WAAAAH!" Aurora screamed, as the girl lay on the ground. "She's dead!"

"What kind of bloody nosebleed was _that?!_" Harry bellowed, dashing over to the girl and pulling her into his arms. "Hey, you okay? Hey!"

"EEEEEEEEE, get away from me, dazzling creature!" she cried. "You're too bright, I'm going to melt!"

"Dazzling..." Professor McGonagall started...

"Creature?" Aurora finished lamely.

"What the hell're you talking about?" Harry demanded.

"You... You're too beautiful!" the girl moaned. "Get away... Please... Get away from me!!"

"Get a hold of yourself!" Harry barked, shaking her madly. "Who are you and what are you doing here?!"

"My... My name is Sunako," she gasped, having been frazzled thoroughly. "Sunako Nakahara! I don't know what happened, but I appeared in a forest behind a house and some red-headed woman told me to come here!"

"Oh, that must have been my mum," Harry said, dropping the girl named Sunako. "You're probably another one of Her-Juliet's then. Well, nothing I can do about that! How old are you?"

"Sixteen," she said timidly, looking at Harry through her fingers, for her hands were covering her eyes. "Eeee, Creature of Light!"

"What d'you mean by that?" Aurora asked gently, kneeling before the girl. Unfortunetely, Sunako took a look.

"AHHHH Everyone here is beautiful, I'm gonna die!" she wailed.

"No way, you should see Umbridge," Harry piped in. "Right foul that one is. I swear there must have been some illegal gene-splicing with amphibians concerning her."

"ANYways," Aurora glared. "Let's go get you settled in somewhere, kay?" she led the distraught, nosebleeding girl away.

"Hey everyone, good morning!" Juliet came in with a big smile, no doubt due to last night's activities. Her arrival was perfect timing for Harry. He quickly drew the girl aside.

"Juliet would you mind _not_ turning this universe into every unlucky universal traveller's BITCH!?" he seethed. "I found another one just now!"

"Really?" Juliet asked, somewhat disturbed. "Who?"

Harry only pointed to Sunako, who turned around with a totally Grudge-like looked as she peered at Juliet over her shoulder. Juliet squeaked at the scary appearance, but frowned when a spurt of blood came out.

"OMIGOD NOT AGAIN!" Aurora cried.

"Sunako! 'Ang in there!" Hagrid bellowed.

"Quick, to the hospital wing!" McGonagall's voice could be heard as she and Aurora hauled the poor Japanese girl away. "With haste!"

Juliet chuckled meekly as Harry glared at her. "Heheheh, what can I say?"


End file.
